How I Awoke: The Story And Dynamics Of My Awakening

[Azrael]

6 hours ago, zunnyman said:

I guess I mean the least time I can waste the better, and the more time I can bask in the experience of enlightenment the better, strategically getting to that point of course 

If you just wanna feel good I'd suggest hooking yourself up to heroin. (I've heard that'll do the job.)

If you think that spending time getting enlightened is a waste and that you can just punch your way through it in a few years if you just do enough meditation, self-enquiry and contemplation be warned to wake up the devil. All the good you feel if you are awake, is hardly comparable to how fucked up you had to feel to get there. You'll have to face your unconscious which means you'll go and let out every little monster that you have inside of you. And they'll rape you as long and deep as they can. For years. And then you are allowed to wake up.

Also, don't think you can lead this process consciously in any way. The only conscious thing you can do is giving power to the engine (your unconscious) to burn out the wood (repressed memories and beliefs). If it is time to wake up, you will. If it's not, you will not because you don't decide.

[dice]

12 hours ago, zunnyman said:

@Azrael Hey, this might seem like a dumb question. I think you said something along the lines of this in the past "My whole life was a nasty lie" and then you cried after learning this.

 

3 hours ago, Azrael said:

I think you are dreaming. No, I didn't. If you can quote that I would be astonished because I wouldn't say such a thing.

I think he means this:

"Trip Report: On Being God

[...]

I did this for a few moments and then just had to sit down again and just cried like a little boy for a god 5 minutes straight. I just couldn't believe what I had done to myself for my entire life and what kind of nasty game I played with myself. I just saw it before my eyes and couldn't believe it."

 

[zunnyman]

6 hours ago, Azrael said:

If you think that spending time getting enlightened is a waste 

I never said that ... I meant spend less time doing stupid shit and more time on the things that matter

6 hours ago, Azrael said:

I think you are dreaming. No, I didn't. If you can quote that I would be astonished because I wouldn't say such a thing. My prior life was not a lie and my current life is not a lie. 

3 hours ago, dice said:

I did this for a few moments and then just had to sit down again and just cried like a little boy for a god 5 minutes straight. I just couldn't believe what I had done to myself for my entire life and what kind of nasty game I played with myself. I just saw it before my eyes and couldn't believe it."

 

@Azrael Its all good Im sure you've been through a lot. 

Edited June 13, 2017 by zunnyman

[Azrael]

@dice, thanks for the lookup!

@zunnyman, I think we interpret my quote here differently. First of all, I would still say the thing that I said in that quote. That feels totally true. It especially did right after the 5-MeO-DMT experience. The difference for me between "life being a lie" and what I said there is, that I just couldn't believe what I had actually done to myself.

When you do the substance you all see that you super-consciously do everything yourself. That this unknown that you face all the time is actually yourself. When you recognize that you'll actually become it. It's like the wall you always punched against suddenly disappears because you see that you are it.

What I meant when I said this simply is that I couldn't believe what kind of a wall I built in the sense that it was so damn crazy and good. But recognize, you still built that wall to fight with it. To grow by it and to unify yourself with it then later. So, nowhere in this process are you really lying to yourself. You as one part of the whole have just a limited perspective for some time until you see it in its entirety.

I understand your point though now. It's pretty nuanced and depends from which perspective one sees it.

[Guest username]

@Azrael Is life just awesome now? Or do you think that's not a good attitude to have toward Enlightenment? I'm still partly motivated by improving the quality of my life, but I've read from my teachers that you have to let go of that need an focus only on Truth.

I'm still insanely curious about the impact awakening has on life quality.

Wondering if this is accurate:

http://imgur.com/yqLA5Zd

 

 

 

Edited June 13, 2017 by username

[Be Yourself]

@Azrael How do you relate to your family and friends now?

[Azrael]

8 hours ago, username said:

Wondering if this is accurate: http://imgur.com/yqLA5Zd

I'd say the difference between an sexual orgasm and a non-dual state is way higher. Ever been in an samadhi state, 5-MeO-DMT experience, something similar? Even if you have sex with the woman you deeply love and desire, I'd still say the difference is higher. Because it's so deep.

But I wouldn't call it pleasure. That's probably also the reason you can't really compare it to other stuff. Please is a sexual orgasm. A non-dual state is a more of a shift in perspective. And more of a release then pure pleasure.

8 hours ago, username said:

@Azrael Is life just awesome now?

Way more relaxed.

[Azrael]

34 minutes ago, Be Yourself said:

@Azrael How do you relate to your family and friends now?

Just as before. I guess I care more deeply about them now because my unconscious agendas mostly dropped and I just like being with them and enjoying myself.

[dude]

Shit man this is some good motivation right here! Just like everybody else I got a couple of questions too.

1. What do you think about the effect of psychedelics on mental health? When you get really fucked up because of it is it just the subconscious coming up. Because if you are not able to face it you will be fucked up forever so how do you know you can handle that shit? I want to do it but I'm scared I won't be able to function anymore because of distorted thoughts.

2. My life purpose is also within computer science, studying for that too. I'm still pondering if I should go for app development to raise awareness or machine learning/big data. But all that aside, how did you manage to do so much inner work, study and meditation and still do your life purpose effectively or did you but that on the back burner for 2 years?

Your an inspiration, I hope you keep raising awareness.

PS: you have to look into quantified self, it's like big data on humans. Here is a good resource  http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/pdf/10.1089/big.2012.0002

[Azrael]

4 hours ago, unknownworld said:

Do you still use 5-MEO at times, or there is no longer a need to use entheogens? 

I did 5-MeO-DMT one week ago. But just a little dose, because I hadn't done it in a while. I will use psychedelics for a lot longer. I love them. Also, I feel like there is endless depth in these experiences. And you can basically decide how fast you want to progress on your journey through psychedelics (especially 5-MeO-DMT). So, I'll still use that and shrooms... and all the other goodies. But I haven't planned any trip right now. We'll see when the next one happens. For me it mostly happens in phases in which I'll do it a few times for lets say 2-4 weeks and then I'll let it all soak in. But right now, I got a lot of stuff coming up and no real need to do it that much.

[Azrael]

2 hours ago, dude said:

1. What do you think about the effect of psychedelics on mental health? When you get really fucked up because of it is it just the subconscious coming up. Because if you are not able to face it you will be fucked up forever so how do you know you can handle that shit? I want to do it but I'm scared I won't be able to function anymore because of distorted thoughts.

That is a real thing one should keep in mind. First off, if you are psychologically ill or on any kind of medication, don't do it unless you talked about it with a doctor / do it with a doctor.

When you are on the journey and you use it, expect to have horrifying experiences. You will. That's a phase. I had several very dark shroom trips and one I had to end because I couldn't handle it. In this time I purged a lot of stuff and I am someone who will even take psychedelics in that phase to get it out. But then, as I said ... stuff happens. Be careful, look how far you can go.

In my experience one is still able to function with distorted thoughts - although its of course not fun. But you'll have them anyway if you are on the journey and are integrating your ego. So, you should think about that in general whether this is cool for you. With psychedelics, they will probably make them worse for a time but then they'll leave sooner because they purge out more effectively. This is who it went for me.

But that's a question that is highly subjective. Be wise. And careful with this one.

2 hours ago, dude said:

2. My life purpose is also within computer science, studying for that too. I'm still pondering if I should go for app development to raise awareness or machine learning/big data. But all that aside, how did you manage to do so much inner work, study and meditation and still do your life purpose effectively or did you but that on the back burner for 2 years?

No, I study right now. So I can set my schedule myself. I believe in Leo's minimalism approach like a fanatic. I just leave enough space for personal development, sleeping long hours, work (working as a software engineer a few hours a week) and of course being with my friends and vacations. Strategic thinking and planning is required here. I love it.

2 hours ago, dude said:

PS: you have to look into quantified self, it's like big data on humans. Here is a good resource  http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/pdf/10.1089/big.2012.0002

Thank's for the share. Sounds interesting!

[Guest Annetta]

@Fidelio  Why are you trolling?  

[Guest Annetta]

@Fidelio omg, stop it.

[Guest username]

@Azrael Do you have any room for doubting yourself about what's true (in the absolute sense) anymore, or would you say that you finally have something of which you can be completely certain, no doubt whatsoever?

[Guest Annetta]

@Fidelio you're making assumptions dude.  i'm not gunna say anything more cause you're just gunna keep posting shit in this poor guy's thread.

[Azrael]

13 hours ago, username said:

@Azrael Do you have any room for doubting yourself about what's true (in the absolute sense) anymore, or would you say that you finally have something of which you can be completely certain, no doubt whatsoever?

That's not so easy to answer. From the outside it might seem like a good question because you are always pondering whether something is true or not. As soon as you are on the inside, the concept of (outside/inside) disappears and through that this question of "Do you know now what is real? Are you sure?".

In some sense I could tell you "Yeah, I can know and recognize at any point in time who I truly am. That is true." But also I could tell you "That I can never be certain about anything at all. Not if I talk about it. Because as soon as I do, I get away from the real thing." If you could be certain about it, there would be a way to make an object out of it and then show it to other people. Well, that's not possible.

To understand this paradox ask yourself this question: "How can you know that you are here right now?" You are able to say with complete confidence that something is happening right now at your place. Your sight, sounds, experiences, thoughts. But you can never say with certainty what it is that makes you so sure about all this. You cannot reduce it to the the minimum. But you can recognize it.

Edited June 15, 2017 by Azrael

[abrakamowse]

Great explanation @Azrael

[Guest username]

@Azrael Is there anything major, or minor if you care enough to specify, about Leo's approach that you don't think is very good or any traps you think he's falling into/ ways in which he's not giving good advice?

I'm also curious what you think about various degrees of Enlightenment. Do you think that there is still much deepening of your realization to be done, or do you feel like there can't possibly be anything else or that you have "Full Enlightenment", as some might say?

You mentioned that spirituality isn't really on your mind that much. Do you feel like you just don't really have any reason to do more consciousness work? 

[Azrael]

3 hours ago, username said:

@Azrael Is there anything major, or minor if you care enough to specify, about Leo's approach that you don't think is very good or any traps you think he's falling into/ ways in which he's not giving good advice?

I handle teachers / teachings / perspectives on that whole topic / discussions in general in a very specific way. For me it comes very natural to see the context in which somebody is arguing. The whole world-view and perspective that he is trying to express - underneath the actual thing that he is saying. Because of that - especially when it comes to spirituality - I use the things that I hear as tools and I categorize them in certain categories.

To give a specific example. In my opinion @Leo Gura is very able to take a normal human being's perspective and slowly debunk the false beliefs one is operating from. Then he presents a set of methods and perspectives to give you the opportunity to work on your own case. I haven't seen so far a better collection of deadly weapons to go about this journey. My own subset of this collection consists of

• Strong Determination Sittings
• Do Nothing
• 5-MeO-DMT

to name a few. These alone are so powerful you could write at least a few books about every one of them. I'd actually like to do that some day when I am more experienced with this stuff.

Now, a Rupert Spira for example has a complete different setting he presents to you. He is very able to show you your real nature just by listening to him and working with his metaphors. He can very much take you to yourself in a 10 minute video if you are open minded and willing to listen. That is a very different skill set and way of approaching the whole thing.

Alan Watts - to name a third variant - will complete reform your world view if you pay close attention to his speeches. He will go into all the aspects of life and free them of the normal false beliefs that we connect them with.

All of these three share one important point. And that is that they are pointing to the truth. All of them are (or in Alan case were) through their character and own personal history at a different point on their journeys and will present you different pointers. It's your task to see where they overlap and what they have all in common. Then extract that and use the techniques and world views that resonate with you for your own way.

I don't know @Leo Gura any better then you and cannot say how his journey really goes. I watch every Sunday the same as you do. I make my own projections, as you do. And they are neither very intriguing nor any relevant to share.

3 hours ago, username said:

I'm also curious what you think about various degrees of Enlightenment. Do you think that there is still much deepening of your realization to be done, or do you feel like there can't possibly be anything else or that you have "Full Enlightenment", as some might say?

I think there is a clear distinction when it comes to this topic that is widely misunderstood. Before I go into it, I wanna share a metaphor to illustrate it.

Go back to the time when you were a young kid. As a young kid, you didn't now that there was a world around you. You weren't yet conscious of the fact that there are places and how to orient yourself in these places. Something that is quite basic to you right now. As a young kid you just didn't now. Through the journey of growing up you went to more places and suddenly at some point in time you became conscious of a whole world being around you. Of different continents with different life forms. Different cultures. Different planets in different solar systems.

When you realized this it was clear to you. And without being on every continent you get this part of reality. However, someone who has actually been to a lot of these places, studied cultures and places and lived this literally will have a way deeper understanding of the very same realization. The realizations that there is a world.

Now, the same applies to enlightenment in my opinion. If you have the realization you see and recognize the truth instantly. And that realization is whether had or not had. To which degree you deepen it and experience it in all of its facets, will be another question. And that's really the journey that we are on.

And in that matter, I've scratched the surface. I've been blown into an ocean and from my path into a new world, and I have to now figure out how it goes around here. And I'm thrilled to find out.

3 hours ago, username said:

You mentioned that spirituality isn't really on your mind that much. Do you feel like you just don't really have any reason to do more consciousness work? 

I do a lot of consciousness work every day. But in a different way now. I am right now in the phase where it actually becomes a change in your whole physique. My sense of self was always located in my head. Now, that this is gone the bodily awareness comes much more into focus and I experience certain things in a complete new way. That's why spirituality is not a topic in my head right now. Because I experience it now differently. There is no realization that I want to have right now. I'm thrilled with different dynamics. However, I still fall for certain concepts and like to think about them of course.

For example the System Thinking thing is something I did unconsciously for a long time without knowing that thing has a name. Now, it's even more interesting to go into.

I realize though that this is phase I go through. I might get heavy into the intellectual understanding of spirituality some time later. But right now, there just isn't something I can get from that. It's not that I watch a Mooji video and don't get what he is saying. I do. That's why I wanna experience it deeper with meditation and just living it.

[Guest username]

@Azrael  Are you free of self-image issues, insecurities, feelings of incompleteness, and lack of fulfillment?