How I Awoke: The Story And Dynamics Of My Awakening

[Bebop]

11 hours ago, Paintballer said:

@Bebop A teacher can only take you so far. Honesty with yourself if more important than having a real life teacher.

Exactly, that's why I said if someone has a strict discipline you can probably do without one. Finding a good teacher can definitely help navigate through all the traps on the path though which will help speed up your progress, but ultimately it's up to the person to do the heavy lifting.

[Azrael]

1 hour ago, Paintballer said:

@Azrael Have you experienced "the voice" that martin ball talks about, and can you enter the 5 meo state via meditation?

I have had a voice speak through me out loud in one of my experiences. After a 5-MeO-DMT session I can enter a subset of the state in meditation, but not a complete breakthrough.

[Azrael]

@unknownworld, interesting questions!

1 hour ago, unknownworld said:

1) Can you share some practices that would speed up the process for awakening of the body?

2) Can you share the current daily practice that you have in more detail?

3) What kind of diet do you have(if you have a particular one, or what kind food that you consume)

4) Has your sex drive became affected by awakening?

1) 5-MeO-DMT will remove a lot of the tensions and blockages in your body. (Shrooms especially after MeO as well.) EMDR self-therapy might also help purging locked memories and integrate your brain. HoloSync also helps with that. I will talk about that in the future for sure in a post.

2) Meditation, strong determination sitting with "Do Nothing". Also, I really live and breath the whole Zen/Tao way of living / approaching life. I love that stuff. That's it. I mostly live by principals, not so much by little techniques. I know that I am not consciously directing my journey, I just give the momentum (with my practice) that my unconscious needs to do the rest. Also, of course psychedelics. But I tried - as I said - a lot of stuff. But that are the essentials.

3) Standard European diet. Nothing fancy. I'd like to clean it up over time a little bit, but I'm a diva if it comes to delicious food. I've heard though that the Standard American Diet is how we Europeans eat on birthdays.

4) I've thought about this myself. I don't really know, maybe it has increased because the blockages are gone and I feel good. But if it has, not very much. But I'm 21 years old, don't forget that.

[ajasatya]

awesome topic! congratulations for your healing. i wish you true happiness!!!

[bobbyward]

6 hours ago, Azrael said:

Roughly 2 years. In that time span I did like probably 15-20 LSD trips, 20-30 DMT trips, 5-10 shroom trips, 7-8 5-MeO-DMT trips.

rank these substances in order of importance for your awakenings

[Capethaz]

@Azrael Cool. For what you described it seems that you crossed A&P, cycled through a Dark Night and got First Path (Stream-Entry). Congratulations!

[Azrael]

1 hour ago, bobbyward said:

rank these substances in order of importance for your awakenings

This is not the place for commands.

[Be Yourself]

Interesting stuff man! I'm excited to meet you in Vancouver and talk about it

[bobbyward]

Enlightened beings don't like commands 

[Dragallur]

@Azrael Amazing, thanks for sharing! Can you please outline what amount of meditation, self-inquiry and other type of formal practises you did? Did you have some strict schedule of 1 hour of SDS and self-inquiry every day? What was their role?

[Afonso]

1) Is death irrelevant to you?

2) Can you clearly see that free will is an illusion?

3) You said you didn't quite understood what happened the morning you Woke Up. But isn't waking up supposed to be like an extraordinary shift in perspective, how could you not "get it"? 

Edited June 5, 2017 by Afonso

[Azrael]

27 minutes ago, Dragallur said:

Can you please outline what amount of meditation, self-inquiry and other type of formal practises you did? Did you have some strict schedule of 1 hour of SDS and self-inquiry every day? What was their role?

My normal schedule was 1 hour of strong determination sitting per day, mixed with "Do Nothing" / self-inquiry. I sometimes tried different techniques but I resonated the most with "Do Nothing", just because I'm someone who is really goal-oriented, I do a lot of stuff and this seemed to be the perfect counterpart to this - just sit. Funnily, this technique develops a lot over the time as you do it. If I sit down right now and meditate it's not comparable to just the way it was a year ago. I just "go" now and emerge in the fact that I'm sitting. That's it. Just sitting.

That was basically my daily commitment that "I had to do". Sometimes, a little bit less like only 30 minutes or something, but especially in the beginning - the first 1 - 1,5 years - I did a lot of extra sits in the evening, sometimes 90 - 120 minutes to really push it.

But I did a lot of informal stuff additionally to that. Like I lived in this enlightenment world. I thought about it all day, meta-analysed everything, looked what is the same in every experience, talked about it to friends, here on the forum, listened to hours and hours of Alan Watts for more than a year every evening while cooking and eating, listened to Rupert Spira, Mooji, I just was immersed in this stuff. It wasn't an on / off thing. I lived it.

And I tried a lot of stuff throughout the time. Psychedelics of course, HoloSync (still do and love that), EMDR self-therapy (will talk about that in the future), group meditation, I don't now. I could probably list like 20-30 things.

But the main thing was that this wasn't optional for me. It was required from the day I started this. All the rest just came by itself. I didn't meditated or drugged myself into awakening, I just committed to the practice and my unconscious did the rest. It took its time and when it was ready, it did it.

[Dragallur]

6 minutes ago, Azrael said:

But the main thing was that this wasn't optional for me. It was required from the day I started this. All the rest just came by itself. I didn't meditated or drugged myself into awakening, I just committed to the practice and my unconscious did the rest. It took its time and when it was ready, it did it.

You basically mean that you can not put actuall real effort into it, right? In the end it happens by itself...

[Azrael]

23 minutes ago, Afonso said:

1) Is death irrelevant to you?

2) Can you clearly see that free will is an illusion?

3) You said you didn't quite understood what happened the morning you Woke Up. But isn't waking up supposed to be like an extraordinary shift in perspective, how could you not "get it"? 

Good questions, @Afonso.

1) I developed a different opinion about death throughout the time. Especially after the first 5-MeO-DMT experiences. On a strictly physiological level I'm still scared. If someone attacks me with a knife I'll automatically do the best to defend myself. That'll (hopefully) never go. That's normal, because you are wired that way.

On an experiential level I know that I can't die. I've seen it. But it'll take years and years of more practice to really let this sink in. It's one thing to recognize who you are and to let the suit of resistance fall off you, it's another to go through all of the different aspects of reality and really grasp it. That's the journey in the long run. That's why we do this.

Because after some time, independent how you label your state of consciousness, you'll develop a deep sense of trust to what is happening. But that simply needs time.

I still have beliefs about death though. I still have beliefs about a lot of things. I still hope and dream. I just know what they really are, but my character still falls for certain things and rejects others.

2) Yeah, I actually began to see that very clearly last summer. I can also see that determinism is an illusion and I always like to say that in the same breath, so that people don't get nihilistic about everything. Free Will and Determinism exist in certain perspectives of reality, but none of both is the actual reality of things.

3) As I said in the post it felt like being thrown from my path into a ocean - a whole new world. It takes some time to orient yourself in that. I could at least fathom after thinking about it what this probably is because I'm educated on the matter, but I lived with this probably for a few weeks and didn't notice it. Because the thing that notices and criticises all of the time, left.

Be assured that when you work on waking up it'll mostly not be an Eckhart Tolle like enlightenment. Look what Rupert Spira has to say about that. It will be slow and gradual, like a flower opens itself up. You'll probably ask yourself in the process of it where you actually stand and you may not know for some time. But then eventually, it'll be clear.

A good exercise is to try to understand how you perceived the world just a year ago and see how you changed.

[Azrael]

12 minutes ago, Dragallur said:

You basically mean that you can not put actuall real effort into it, right? In the end it happens by itself...

You cannot make the switch consciously, no. But you can put effort into the machine (your unconscious) so that it has enough energy and room to work on making the switch. And it will, be assured. It's just that every person has a different past and needs to work through different shit before this is possible.

[Afonso]

 

@Azrael Thanks.

The more I meditate and Self-Inquiry the more I notice that I don't have control AND that I'm always at the same place (weird huh? do you also experience this?)

This enlightenment thing is really pulling me towards it. I will spend the upcoming vacation meditating and inquirying ~6 hours per day and reading by night.

 

[Azrael]

21 minutes ago, Afonso said:

@Azrael The more I meditate and Self-Inquiry the more I notice that I don't have control AND that I'm always at the same place (weird huh? do you also experience this?)

Yes, dig into that. There is an ever-present now moment that always were and always is - no matter how you feel or what you do and there is the immersion of ever changing surfaces appearing in that. If you go into that, that's a direct route.

[abrakamowse]

21 hours ago, Azrael said:

At that time, I had probably the deepest realizations. Funnily, if you are in such a bad state you grow a lot and pretty fast because you are meta-analysing yourself all the time (because you are so fucked up) and through that you naturally have a lot of realizations and crazy experiences.

Ok, this is something that I can relate... When it happened I didn't have idea what was wrong. I thought I was crazy too and I ended in the hospital in the psychiatric ward. Once there I met a lot of people with big depression and problems that made me realize that the problem is what we believe we are. I had a lot of insights there, but it took me like years to understand them and I am still processing them.

 

23 hours ago, Azrael said:

The awakening of the mind is basically realizing who you really are. Being able to recognize source. That's great, but only half of the deal.

Thanks for that, I think this is what is beginning to happen (the awakening of the body), because I was always trying to eat more healthy, but for lack of will or lazyness I never did it correctly. And now is happening effortless, I am eating more vegetables and healthy stuff and I don't crave for any garbage food. I think that's what's needed to awaken the body, and I realize that because you said so... I was beginning to do it unconsciously, just because it is healthy, but now that you mention this I think it makes sense.

 

 

 

[Azrael]

9 minutes ago, abrakamowse said:

I am eating more vegetables and healthy stuff and I don't crave for any garbage food. I think that's what's needed to awaken the body, and I realize that because you said so... I was beginning to do it unconsciously, just because it is healthy, but now that you mention this I think it makes sense.

I don't know how eating really healthy helps with awakening the body, haven't looked into that. From my experience - and how I model it - awakening of the body is the release of the tensions in your body and through that the integration of body and mind.

In the normal egoic non-integrated state of consciousness you are always working against your tensions, emotions and thoughts. You are trying to repress them unconsciously. That's what keeps the non-integrated ego so alive, that's why it's so exhausting in that state and that's why you try to get away from yourself in that state all of the time.

Once that stops, it's like you pulled the plug and everything goes with each other.

Especially interesting then is the occurrence of bad emotions and situations. Because if you made a mistake or something happened you'll still have negative emotions and think about it. It's just that they can instantly go out and so they don't create more needless tensions and negative emotions inside of you.

[abrakamowse]

@Azrael Ok, I got it. I was thinking that because I am reading a book about Buddha, the Buddha gospel and he said that if you eat more healthy (no meat Buddha said) you will see changes in your mind, etc...

And about what you said about seeing people as creatures, not human... it is beginning to happen to me. 

But I see them as lifeless. Like they are talking but it's not them who do the talking. And the eyes look like without life. But I don't know...

Maybe is my ego or thoughts, I try not to pay attention to anything or not get attached to any idea or thought.