How I Awoke: The Story And Dynamics Of My Awakening

[bobbyward]

How many times have you used 5meo, and over what period of time?                           It seems like your awakening of the mind and body weren't dramatic, it was just changes you noticed and immediately continued life as normal, correct? How long was it between the awakening of the mind and awakening of the body? What do you mean by source? @Azrael

Edited June 5, 2017 by bobbyward

[Azrael]

8 hours ago, Fidelio said:

I'm not sure if promoting this as some sort of "solution" is such a good idea; in fact with illnesses such as schizophrenia, psychedelics can exacerbate their symptoms into the stratosphere.

First of all there is a difference between experiencing these symptoms because you have so many repressed thoughts from your past or being really ill and secondly you cannot choose whether you want that or not. When you you want to awaken, you'll have to purge.

[Azrael]

5 hours ago, electroBeam said:

@Azrael Can you be enlightened and still have fears like social anxiety?

You can be able to recognize source and still have social anxiety. If you have the whole package - an awake mind and body - I think that it'll at least lower a lot. For myself, all of my chronic negative emotions are just gone. I can still experience fear / being angry / ... but it's an experience in that moment and it doesn't hold on.

You have to see although that enlightenment doesn't cure all of your mental fuck ups. If you have social anxiety because you don't socialise you will probably lower the negative emotions through enlightenment but you won't be an outgoing, charismatic person just because of that. It's just easier then to do this of course.

I actually challenged myself not being blocked by negative emotions any more. I did some far out things things just to see how far I can go with feeling good about it. I summed it up here.

[Azrael]

5 hours ago, AstralProjection said:

My question is how long was it between when you first started taking psychedelics seriously and you reached this new level of consciousness? Thanks.

Roughly 2 years. In that time span I did like probably 15-20 LSD trips, 20-30 DMT trips, 5-10 shroom trips, 7-8 5-MeO-DMT trips.

[Azrael]

5 hours ago, Real Eyes said:

I'm curious about that initial "crack" in your head that you noticed, which you felt paved the way for what was to come.  Do you have any further insight on why this occurred?

Enlightenment or Awakening is - as I see it - basically an integration of the conscious awareness and the unconscious and through that the release of the illusion that you are a little man in your head.

For that to happen both sides have to come together. For me it felt like from this day on both sides began to come together. That's why I was so fucked up for so such a long time. Because when the unconscious opened itself up all of the repressed sensations, emotions and thoughts came to the surface and I had to purge them out.

Before that opening they were pressed down and not allowed to release.

I think that the meditation I used and still use "Strong Determination Sitting" with "Do Nothing" and sometimes spiced up with a question you contemplate can be very powerful. At least for me it was powerful and as Shinzen Young ones said: "It's the fastest way to liberation [he knows]."

I'd say 5-MeO-DMT is faster... but that's another story.

5 hours ago, Real Eyes said:

Perhaps years and years of meditation may prove fruitless without that initial crack?  Is this a well-known thing that other awakened people have talked about? 

The thing is you don't consciously create that crack. It just happens. Maybe it doesn't have to happen for everyone. Maybe there are other ways. There probably are. So I wouldn't be too worried about that. There are an infinite ways to the top of the mountain, you'll get there by just committing to go.

[hundreth]

Good to hear you're feeling balanced. Sounds like you've shed some layers of unnecessary pain and suffering.

That being said, it's good to keep perspective. You've studied, meditated, done psychedelics, and have generally followed Leo's direction. Now, you're on an internet forum detailing your 'Awakening' story, as if you've reached some permanent state of consciousness that makes this story significant and / or a point of reference.  This, of course, isn't your first post of it's kind proclaiming you've reached some new heights.

Outside looking in, it looks a lot like ego masturbation. You do all this 'work' and here is the payoff, writing this long detailed post on the internet with the cliche "I was once just like you..." - all while your teacher validates you in front of others.

I'm sorry if that was a bit harsh, but I want you to know you're a 19 year old kid without much life experience and most of the issues you've dealt with up until this point have been fairly simplistic. You aren't there yet, inevitably life will smack you upside the head and make you re-think everything you think you know about how balanced and awakened you are. Be ready brother. 

[Azrael]

5 hours ago, bobbyward said:

How many times have you used 5meo, and over what period of time?

3-5 non-breakthrough trips and 2-3 breakthrough trips I guess. I think I started in October 2016 and did the last one in the beginning of 2017. I talked to @Leo Gura about that and I think that I have the advantage of just being 21 years old. From a strictly biological standpoint I'm not completely finished with growing up yet. It'll still need a few years for my character to really sink in. That's probably why it's way easier to make changes in this age compared to just 10 years later.

5 hours ago, bobbyward said:

It seems like your awakening of the mind and body weren't dramatic, it was just changes you noticed and immediately continued life as normal, correct?

The awakening of the mind was dramatic, but yeah I continued with my life. I have shit to do and yes it was extremely hard to pretend everything is normal to your colleges, friends and family. At that time I didn't really know what was going on, because I was hypnotized be fear so damn much.

5 hours ago, bobbyward said:

How long was it between the awakening of the mind and awakening of the body? What do you mean by source? 

The awakening of the mind happened on the 17th of July 2016. I still got that date on my whiteboard. The awakening of the body happened in the last 1-2 months. I couldn't really say because I just noticed it a few weeks ago.

Source is that what you are, son.

[electroBeam]

23 minutes ago, Azrael said:

I actually challenged myself not being blocked by negative emotions any more. I did some far out things things just to see how far I can go with feeling good about it. I summed it up here.

Sure but those challenges don't magically make you feel like being extroverted. I do those challenges too, as you can see I replied to that post you made. But what I realized is that social anxiety isn't cured by just doing. You can go to parties every weekend and still feel as socially anxious as you did when you were hibernating in a library all day.

So just because you're enlightened doesn't mean you'll be able to do anything willfully? It's still possible to not feel like doing something? Where I'm confused is that I see enlightenment as curing all of your suffering, and so in my head it makes sense that you'll be able to do anything without any resistance. But I've had spiritual experiences, and the resistance is still there. So im confused with my concept of enlightenment. 

[Azrael]

15 minutes ago, hundreth said:

Good to hear you're feeling balanced. Sounds like you've shed some layers of unnecessary pain and suffering.

That being said, it's good to keep perspective. You've studied, meditated, done psychedelics, and have generally followed Leo's direction. Now, you're on an internet forum detailing your 'Awakening' story, as if you've reached some permanent state of consciousness that makes this story significant and / or a point of reference.  This, of course, isn't your first post of it's kind proclaiming you've reached some new heights.

Outside looking in, it looks a lot like ego masturbation. You do all this 'work' and here is the payoff, writing this long detailed post on the internet with the cliche "I was once just like you..." - all while your teacher validates you in front of others.

I'm sorry if that was a bit harsh, but I want you to know you're a 19 year old kid without much life experience and most of the issues you've dealt with up until this point have been fairly simplistic. You aren't there yet, inevitably life will smack you upside the head and make you re-think everything you think you know about how balanced and awakened you are. Be ready brother. 

Thanks for your opinion.

[Martin123]

@Azrael thanks azrael! Beautiful. Also thank you for reassuring me that psychadelics have an amazing potential of acceleration!  Now im gonna take my 2 next shroom trips with more eagerness!

 

[Azrael]

9 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

So just because you're enlightened doesn't mean you'll be able to do anything willfully? It's still possible to not feel like doing something? Where I'm confused is that I see enlightenment as curing all of your suffering, and so in my head it makes sense that you'll be able to do anything without any resistance. But I've had spiritual experiences, and the resistance is still there. So im confused with my concept of enlightenment. 

Awakening makes you stop running away from yourself all the time + it let's you in on who you are really are. Everything else, costs extra.

[Martin123]

@hundreth yo but isnt he 21 now?  

[Azrael]

Just now, Martin123 said:

@hundreth yo but isnt he 21 now?  

I think he is.

[Lynnel]

27 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

So just because you're enlightened doesn't mean you'll be able to do anything willfully? It's still possible to not feel like doing something? Where I'm confused is that I see enlightenment as curing all of your suffering, and so in my head it makes sense that you'll be able to do anything without any resistance. But I've had spiritual experiences, and the resistance is still there. So im confused with my concept ( <----here it is ) of enlightenment. 

Let me pinpoint the problem for you

 

 

@Azrael Do you have any advice on psychadelic use ? Context ? Mindset ? how to start etc ? 

[Barna]

What is your experience while being on 5meo nowadays? 

[hundreth]

20 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

@hundreth yo but isnt he 21 now?  

Content still applies, IMO of course.

[Azrael]

22 minutes ago, Barna said:

What is your experience while being on 5meo nowadays? 

Haven't tried it in a while, but I will let you guys know when I do it the next time. However, I'm pretty sure the experience is the same one at least when you break through. Because you go past everything remotely normal.

[Paintballer]

@Azrael Have you experienced "the voice" that martin ball talks about, and can you enter the 5 meo state via meditation?

[Franz]

@Azrael Great Read! By your description, I also had a awakening experience, even awakening recently. Thank you for your insights

[Barna]

47 minutes ago, Azrael said:

Haven't tried it in a while, but I will let you guys know when I do it the next time. However, I'm pretty sure the experience is the same one at least when you break through. Because you go past everything remotely normal.

I'm asking because my experience, for example, changed. My feeling is that 5meo brings me through a clearing process. 

I recommend you to try it again. You might be surprised.