Vow Of Solitude?

[Abi]

I have a personal question that I would like some opinions on, and I hope that the read will provoke some thought and possibly help others as well.

I will preface by saying that am new to self-actualization. I have only seriously committed to self-development in this sense in the past month or so, but I have been challenging myself and thinking about improvement over the past four years, admittedly with little direction (external nor internal). In the past, when I have made great strides of improvement (terminating an abusive relationship, quitting the use of recreational drugs, etc.) it was done hugely by leaving the groups of people that I was involved with. For the present, I am considering taking what I am considering a "vow of solitude," although it is not a true vow of solitude by any means. I am considering terminating or relaxing the relationships that I currently have and avoiding the creation of new relationships for some period of time for several reasons.

One, in the same way that in order to avoid harmful behavior you must avoid surrounding yourself with the people that you have built relationships with in the past that were based on the practice of such harmful behavior, I feel that improving in many facets of life (work, academic, and self-development) is quite difficult when I am surrounding myself with people who have little to no ambitions or drive. Please recognize, though that these are the type of people I feel most comfortable around, as I come from a world of low ambitions, addiction, mental illness, abuse, and poverty. (This information was include purely to provide the reader with context).

Two, to build on one, in order to self-actualize, I understand that it is important that you surround yourself with people that have similar values to you and who challenge you to become a better person, as you do them. The issue is, I see a gap between these two states. I feel that I need to commit to, potentially, years of work before I will be prepared to enter friendships or a romantic relationship that includes these qualities.

Three, I am currently a college student and I plan to spend some time traveling after graduation, prior to graduate school or entering the industry. This is another topic in itself, but I feel that having deep relationships (especially those that are unhealthy) will prevent me from following such passions (although I accept and am comfortable with the fact that any future plans I have are subject to change which, humorously, is another topic in itself as well).

This "vow of solitude" will include the minimum maintenance of relationships with those such as those of coworkers and that of my immediate family. It will include the complete termination of social media (excluding youtube, which will be used purposefully and carefully for work and not for entertainment). The commitment to not have sex, build romantic relationships, or build friendships (again, I don't feel that I am presently prepared to build others up). Most importantly, it will include the commitment to entertain, comfort, and consult myself. This will be for some period of time, which has not been defined as I do not have measurable goals.

I hope that the result of this will be better self-acceptance, a more independent being/spirit, the liberation of emotional concerns regarding partners and relationships (to clarify, I don't mean the liberation of emotion concerns regarding others in general, I mean specifically concerns about the existence and state of my relationships), the ability to enter healthy and deep relationships in the future, a comfort with myself and my mind, healthy and purposeful practices and habits, and the development of myself as an entity with values and passions.

I would really appreciate some opinions from a few outside sources, especially those who are seasoned and have similar values to myself, which brings me here!

Edited June 4, 2017 by Abi

[Prabhaker]

@Abi

Loneliness becomes the mirror. Society is the deception. That;s why you are always afraid of being alone – because you will have to know yourself, and you will have to know yourself in your nudity, in your nakedness. You are afraid. To be alone is difficult. Whenever you are alone, you immediately start doing something so you are not alone. You may start reading the newspaper, or you may put on the T.V., or you may go to some club to meet some friends, or you may go to visit some family – but you must do something. Why? Because the moment you are alone your identity melts, and all that you know about yourself becomes false and all that is real starts bubbling up.

A man must move into solitariness to know himself. One need not be there forever, that is futile, but one has to be in solitude for a time, for a period. And the length of the period will depend on each individual. Mohammed was in solitude for a few months; Jesus for only a few days; Mahavir for twelve years and Buddha for six years. It depends. But unless you come to the point where you can say, ”Now I have know the essential,” it is a must to be alone.

Edited June 4, 2017 by Prabhaker

[Abi]

Absolutely. Thank you.

[Natasha]

Hi @Abi 

I've been moving in that direction recently and my levels of peace and happiness have been steadily increasing. No TV, no phone, no radio, lots of solitude with meditation and contemplation, wholesome diet, excercise, time in nature, no emotionally charged relationships. Got off Facebook last year, then was pulled back in...it's a distraction, so it will have to go too. As far as YT, I only watch stuff on self-actualization and what would help me grow spiritually. I also switched jobs last year and am doing now what brings me fulfilment. I love being alone, there is no lack in just being. 

Sounds like you have a good plan. Keep us posted on your progress 

[AstralProjection]

Too long of a read with no question marks.

[AstralProjection]

If you can sum it up I'll try to reply.