Toxic Friends

[a e l i]

I mostly hang out with three people:

• My best friend, who I see in school the most
• A problematic childhood friend with no other friends, addicted to anime, antisocial and a bit depressed
• A friend of a friend of mine: after the two had a huge argument they split up and I ended up staying on the side of the one who initally wasn't my friend. She's alone as well, her social life consisting mainly of hanging out with me and chatting with her facebook friends. She herself is not really addicted to anime, but her facebook friends are and she's trapped in that environment.

I want to be a positive and determined person, but I feel like my two friends are toxic and drowning me. I don't like anime anymore and I want to focus on serious stuff, but just staying with them makes it more difficult. I already try to not hang with them a lot, but since I'm their only real friend I'd feel bad abandoning them, making them even more depressed and difficult to deal with.

I don't know what to do: I'd leave them, but I also think they don't deserve to be left alone, because their situation might degenerate. Any advice? Thanks

[xXxXx]

You are not responsible for their depression, but certainly you are responsible for your wellbeing. Why do you think you are doing them a favor by keeping the contact just because you think they will keep drowning in depression? They will do that with or without you, it is their current state of being, they can only be liberated by themselves, you are on your own journey. I think you are trying to wake up to you own life, your own goals, if you stay attached to relationships which do in fact don't matter to you, your time is simply wasted, and their time too.

 

[a e l i]

I think I got it... Though I'm still hesitating. Is it really okay to leave depressed people alone? I mean, I distract them from their negativity, if I was gone they would be worse. Depression is about obsessive negative thinking and when a depressed person is distracted from those thoughts it's just good for them.

[Sarah Marie]

@a e l i My therapist once told me, "It is not your job to fix people. Who are you to say where they should or shouldn't be on their own journey? You are not God, it is none of your business, you are intruding on their lessons they need to learn in life. It's not your business what others think of you, nor is it your job to change others thoughts."

 

Thats all she had to say. I leave people to be.

[a e l i]

Oh. I guess I'm understanding better now...

[xXxXx]

The question is: do you think you can help them? Did you confront them? I mean what does it change when you comfort them? They start their negative thought carousel again after you leave. Depression is - in my opinion - something you have to deal with by yourself to get rid of it, of course someone can comfort you and make you feel better about yourself, but what is the consequence? It leads to dependency, and thus nobody has a positive outcome.

It sounds harsh to you, because you think spending time with them keeps them on the track - but it does not. It just distracts them from their problems - which they have to face. Of course i am not talking about acute depression (in physiological terms), this is a case for the Doc. But as i interpret this, they are in a phase of change and they resist it.

Edited February 16, 2016 by Locooig

[a e l i]

Alright, I'll have to cut the connection... Thanks both for replying