New Testament - A Farewell To The Neurotic Self

[BMoss]

Hello there, this is entry #1 of this self development journal. Since I am still quite confused and my lower self's holding me hostage, I'm not quite ready to commit to anything, but I'll do my best in updating this at least once per month. Let's say entry #2 is due around July.

Do please keep in mind that I like writing. You could say I aspire to become a writer even though I lack the guts to be. So this first entry is going to list a few grievances I have with the world. To not be a hypocrite - this is how I honestly feel when I'm at my worst, I mean really really down. I am a bitter loner.

Anything I post does not have the conscious intent to create polemic, nor do I intend to insult or slander anyone in particular. There'll be no finger pointing if not at me. One last thing: thank you Leo for giving me and so many others the opportunity to post on this forum, to debate, to interact. Thank you mods and the site staff. Thank you readers, or anyone stepping by to take a look. Have a good day!

Entry #1

It started, I won’t even log in to this site, I’ll write it first then post it right away.

I’m the sentient being known as Me, early twenties, male, apparently it could’ve mattered.

Word’s out Higher Self wants to get rid of me, I mean He’s talking about peaceful negotiations, but we (with Lowie) know it can’t true. Better reign in hell than serve in heaven.

So, I’ll open by reminding you that signs to start “self development” have yet to reach us. May I remind HS that it is lame and shameful to start working right away on the spot? Why not wait for Christmas, why not wait for some epiphany? What if the whole world blew away in an hour and we were foolishly working on some “development”.

HS called it “exploring”. Exploring, my ass. Been there, done that. Resisted the urge to take the Literature road and focused on Math, switched to business studies when HS bitched about Maths not being his thing, dropped out of business studies cause no internship. Why? Cause people.

What? Interaction? Been there, done that. In third grade a bastard jumped me in an alley. Wish I’d have wasted him. Never living through that kind of humiliation again. Can’t trust no one.

People? They always end failing, they always cling to lust or religion or dogma. Take me. You can’t work with those who live their lives completely clueless to the problems of the world, let alone their own. When we could’ve dealt Evil a crippling blow ages ago, had we just all lived by the Bible. What? “practice what you preach?” Tee-hee. Some bishops raping kids and stepping in corruption ain’t no excuse to not live a virtuous life. Most of ya are all cattle, sheep living to small percentages of their potential. Caring about their families, their jobs… afraid to tackle issues head on, always electing the same politicians. Go rot in the world you turned into a swamp. Yes, a swamp.

Maybe that’s why I prevented the Higher Self from conducting human interactions. The world’s all binary. Who can you trust? Family. Not always, but His’ turned to be all right. Everyone else is just trouble. Ya all created a swamp, why should I mess with some frogs?

Plus HS, Lowie and I know we’re screwed anyway. At the deepest level there’s no meaning. Some guy out there has been talking ‘bout “reality just is, accept it”. Can’t recall how it aligned with some people making it big, cause they changed reality. Excuse? They “first changed their selves”? Yep, some kind of black magic. The same that made high level criminal organizations (often much helped by the State) grab all the power and money with all ya’ staying weak moaners.

Cause what can you do? “Work on yourself” first?! Well m’am, when less than a tenth of a percent are doing it, what the hell is the point? If we are all screwed, why not indulge in pleasure instead? Selfish you say? Ya all are selfish. Yes, ya all the same. That’s why you’re no good. That’s why I made sure HS would not interact with ya, all those damn years.

You see, I’m much better than most. First I’m aware of my status. Second I know what to do to make the world into a better place, at least on paper. Tolstoi once said “just live by the Bible, don’t do to others what you don’t want done to yourself. No political party is right, all are wrong” (Tolstoi, “On socialism”). Third I am moral.

Yes, moral. Is it moral to pursue some self-development dream when the world is riddled with injustice? Is it moral to grow corrupt when pursuing morality and feeling dissatisfied? Is it moral to be dissatisfied at all? When you’ve got so much?

Some preach to strive for happiness, passion, beauty. Sample, explore, fail, try again. Build up a routine, learn to enjoy work. What if meanwhile they are raping somebody downstairs?

You can’t be everywhere. But you can change reality. Forever. Challenge it. Build a new world order. Conceptually it’s quite simple. Curse a few virtuous people with immortality and make them rulers. Their guidance can’t go wrong, can it? No, the most simple is just blow everything up.

Don’t have kids. Never talk to people. Don’t look for a job, they’re all boring people, and it’s a boring job. Plus it can only burden you with responsibility, accountability, stress, drama.

Yes it might make you feel happier, but does it matter?

You can get happiness from drugs, we’re no more than dolls of flesh responsive to stimuli.

So bottom line, ya done f*cked up, humanity. I’ll be keeping the Higher Self. If we never serve anything, if we don’t fight for anything, then at least we’ll do no Evil. We’ve zero chance to go corrupt. To betray our country, to alter history, to settle back an entire nation’s development for our little self.

Ya done f*cked up humanity, go rot in hell.

Edited June 2, 2017 by BMoss