Advice Would Be Appreciated, Especially From Leo Or Other Experienced Members.

[Taavi]

I experienced non-egoic consciousness, at least what I think of it. Everything that was in my awarness, I did not relate to "myself". Everything just was, as it is. Suddenly it became clear how silly everything that "I" does is. "I" am always concerned with my stories, always thinking how something will benefit me in one way or another. How this story is true compared to another story and so and on... This is the whole base of "my" existence, keeping different stories together and imagining that I will get something. "I" am never here, never one complete being, there is no center, only one silly story after another. It is like I am asleep, believing that I am awake just because I manage to stumble my way around without dying.

I try to remember this experience, but the memory is just that, a memory, another story. A story that gets more and more distorted as time goes by.

But I understand now, one small part of "me" atleast does, that this is what I am to do in this world. To become more conscious. To become one, not many. To think, not let thinking happen to me. And this truly is a difficult task, everything in my environment and in my psyche gravitates towards making me unconscious. I am suprised that I even managed to achieve such a state considering all the odds against it.  Even as I write this I am not awake, but I know that from experience now. How long can this sustain me, I do not know.

A question to Leo or anyone else who has actually experienced this. What to do next? All that I did before seems ridiculous, all the characters, games, manipulations, status seeking, considering other peoples opinions of "me". I do not want to go on in the old way, I feel like I cannot even if I tried. I have gone too far, part of me already knows. But what now? "I" has already come back with all the patterns. How do I live in this society, where everyone sleeps and wish nothing more to continue sleeping? How great are my chances of developing myself further without personal assistance from a teacher? I know that I must do all the work myself, but how big of a part does a teacher play? Must I find all that there is to find in solitude, in myself? Sorry for rambling, it is very difficult to express in a clear way. Everything is gone and is at the same time still here. Any insights in to this matter would be greatly appreciated.

[Azrael]

40 minutes ago, Taavi said:

What to do next?

Commit to your practice - whatever you do. It's a phase you're in, one of many many many ... many man ... many phases, my man. Don't take your current realizations and truths too seriously, they will be true for some time and then the next wave comes and show you different aspects of reality. After some rounds of this roller-coaster you'll actually become disengaged in whatever state of consciousness you are in then because you realize it's just a state.

The only thing that is important here is the recognition of who you are. Not whether you are in egoic, non-egoic, drugged, asleep or wide awake consciousness. Recognize the source and commit to that realization. Ignore the rest ... or play with it but don't take is seriously.

[Dodo]

1 hour ago, Taavi said:

I experienced non-egoic consciousness, at least what I think of it. Everything that was in my awarness, I did not relate to "myself". Everything just was, as it is. Suddenly it became clear how silly everything that "I" does is. "I" am always concerned with my stories, always thinking how something will benefit me in one way or another. How this story is true compared to another story and so and on... This is the whole base of "my" existence, keeping different stories together and imagining that I will get something. "I" am never here, never one complete being, there is no center, only one silly story after another. It is like I am asleep, believing that I am awake just because I manage to stumble my way around without dying.

I try to remember this experience, but the memory is just that, a memory, another story. A story that gets more and more distorted as time goes by.

But I understand now, one small part of "me" atleast does, that this is what I am to do in this world. To become more conscious. To become one, not many. To think, not let thinking happen to me. And this truly is a difficult task, everything in my environment and in my psyche gravitates towards making me unconscious. I am suprised that I even managed to achieve such a state considering all the odds against it.  Even as I write this I am not awake, but I know that from experience now. How long can this sustain me, I do not know.

A question to Leo or anyone else who has actually experienced this. What to do next? All that I did before seems ridiculous, all the characters, games, manipulations, status seeking, considering other peoples opinions of "me". I do not want to go on in the old way, I feel like I cannot even if I tried. I have gone too far, part of me already knows. But what now? "I" has already come back with all the patterns. How do I live in this society, where everyone sleeps and wish nothing more to continue sleeping? How great are my chances of developing myself further without personal assistance from a teacher? I know that I must do all the work myself, but how big of a part does a teacher play? Must I find all that there is to find in solitude, in myself? Sorry for rambling, it is very difficult to express in a clear way. Everything is gone and is at the same time still here. Any insights in to this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Awesome, loving this. I would give you the simplest advice,  which you probably already know. It's the nondual weapon of acceptance. Conscious breathing.

Let your stories explode through the power of your breath. Let them sit, they are groundless, and cannot outlast you.  Hehe, you seem to be on the right track.  Right behind you brother. 

Create space in your everyday.

Edited June 2, 2017 by Dodo

[Prabhaker]

@Taavi Download and read this small book.

Osho talks about Satori

http://oshodhyan.weebly.com/uploads/2/5/9/1/25914831/rahasya_-_.pdf

[Taavi]

Thank you for your responses.

@Prabhaker I read that book and feel like I have a little bit better understanding of this work. Thank you.

[WelcometoReality]

@Taavi A teacher isn't necessary. The only thing you need to prioritize is truth. Put that before your needs and your be well on your way.

You had a moment. A beautiful experience. Now you need to let it go because you will never get that experience back. No matter how hard you'll try. And if you try to get back there you will miss the truth in this moment. What is true now? Right now!

Yes you will have a hard time to adapt yourself to society after the experience. You will have alot of judgements about people who are still in the dream state. Those who have no clue. See those judgments for what they are. They reflect something within yourself. You have a hard time with them because you are not fully awake. Those judgements are the key to unhook from yourself (ego). In every moment that you're not content with what is lies a belief that it should't be that way. Find that belief and release it.

And if you find yourself struggling we are here to help you with any questions. Enjoy! ?

[Leo Gura]

@Taavi Welcome to spirituality. Now your journey begins.

[Be Yourself]

@Taavi It maybe very shocking and disorienting at first but let it be as the inspiration for you to awaken. Once you've seen it, it can be very hard to come back to your previous ways of thinking and living. Keep discovering yourself because it's really worth it . 

A teacher can definitely help on the "journey", and you will know when it's time for one.

I would recommend the great book by Adushanti "End of your world".

Edited June 3, 2017 by Be Yourself