I Feel Superior To Leo

[No-Thing]

(I use this thread as a part of my spiritual autolysis, but I naively hope that other dreamers might find value in it. It can be seen as an example of radical honesty. If this is not in alignment with this forum rules, please delete the threat.)

My spiritual ego feels superior to Leo. It projects it's stuff onto him. It assumes that it knows how Leo actually sees the world. It criticises his teaching and comes up with thoughts like "I see that this is a trap, I surpassed this level a long time ago". The feeling of superiority is subtle but it is still there. At the same time it feels inferior to what Leo has created for himself. 

The need for superiority comes from the fear of death. Superior humans have a higher chance of survival and therefore to postpone death longer. 

It is clear that this line of thinking comes from a place of duality. It assumes there are two or more. It assumes there is an outside world. It assumes it exists. It assumes that there is death.

I see that this line of thinking creates suffering for myself and others. I choose to let go of it. I am grateful that Leo was there to help me realise it. I now choose to see him and me as perfect in our essence just as we are.

I hope you can forgive me Leo.

[Alex K]

- There is no need for Leo to forgive you, forgive and accept yourself.

- I do not buy into notion of "there is no death" - this is a current definition of death for me:

• You cannot talk, connect to a human being you used to connect to all the time - he died 
• As there is a glimpse of pure consciousness in us, this glimpse profoundly changes it's state 
• Physically manifested sleeve of consciousness in form of our functioning body, would dissolve

Edited June 2, 2017 by Alex K

[No-Thing]

@Alex K  Thank you for your input.  As for the concept of death. On the path we "just" need face our concept of death, whatever that means for us. Speculating if there is death or not, from whatever perspective is just your thinking mind trying to figure stuff out that it can't figure out. There is no point it it. it's meaningless. It just keeps you from seeing your concepts and beliefs for what they actually are.

This post and Alex made me see part of the reason why I post on this forum. I crave recognition from someone I value (Leo). Once I posted this threat, I felt an internal pull towards looking if someone replied and if maybe Leo replied. 

This emotion comes from a point of duality. I see that my ego structure craves recognition to justify it's existence. It assumes that it can only be worthy if it get's recognition and validation. It is not who I am in my essence. I choose to let go of this mechanism as I see it's futility. Craving recognition leads to suffering within ourself. I vow to stay aware to recognise on a moment to moment basis when this mechanism kicks in again.

[Paintballer]

Making your biases consious so you can see through them and let then go is a necessity, and something that can be quite uncomfortable. Just be honest with yourself and try not to use said honesty to make yourself feel special about yourself.

[Alex K]

@No-Thing Methinks can it be so that we are really piling up new, more scruitiny-proof concepts by using such techniques?

[No-Thing]

@Alex K I don't know. I (mind) have no idea what is or isn't. I still keep the possibility open that all this enlightenment stuff is a pile of horse crap. There were awakenings but the memory of that could be just another dream. I feel lighter every day and my though stream becomes less and less aggressive, more like a purring kitten. So it feels good, even though there are crisis at times. I mean, I have this dream right now. I could kill my body but I kinda like this story so I just keep going. When it all gets too much, I just lie on my bed and relax.

Edited June 2, 2017 by No-Thing