Why Do We Remember Some Things But Not Others?

[faith]

Do the things I remember from my life tell something about who I am? And if they do, why, then, I don't remember other things that were just as significant?

Thanks

[Loreena]

We  generally remember the bad experiences but forget the good ones.  

[faith]

No I am not talking about that. I mean something random like....well....for example, I just thought of the time I almost put a lit torch in my pants because I was really wasted. I think I remember the crowd laughing, and I was thinking, "Gee, I am a funny guy." 

You know, something like that. Something that seems pretty insignificant but yet I remember it even though there has been hundreds of other drunk things I have done that I don't remember. It doesn't have to be a drunk memory, my point is any memory.

[Raphael]

15 hours ago, Loreena said:

We  generally remember the bad experiences but forget the good ones.  

I'm really not an expert, it's only a thought that I'm having right now. I think that we first remember bad experiences because they are much more enriching than the good ones. When we badly fail at something, the most painful it is, the more we learn from it. Therefore, such experience is going to be useful for an entire life, as we generally don't want to suffer we remember it.

[Visitor]

18 hours ago, faith said:

No I am not talking about that. I mean something random like....well....for example, I just thought of the time I almost put a lit torch in my pants because I was really wasted. I think I remember the crowd laughing, and I was thinking, "Gee, I am a funny guy." 

You know, something like that. Something that seems pretty insignificant but yet I remember it even though there has been hundreds of other drunk things I have done that I don't remember. It doesn't have to be a drunk memory, my point is any memory.

Lorenna pointed to something that answers your question. That is, the bad stuff, such as embarrassment (or any other fear based experiences) get remembered more easily for most. The reason is that the ego-self only wants validation for, and not losing, self-esteem. The mind remembers what to avoid. Yet it can be very irrational because it governs what to avoid by feelings and not necessarily by logic. That is why some people commit suicide over emotional pain, which will pass in time. The ego wants to stop the emotional pain at all costs, even willing to die (though the ego does not even exist except in the mind. So what the ego censors to remember or  kept hidden can be a tricky thing to understand.

In regards to drinking, or getting drunk, there is a matter of short term memory loss. Alcohol effects the brain's capacity to store memory. So if a person drinks too much they can experience what some call 'blackouts'. These are extremely short memory loss, where anything new does not get recorded in memory. But that same person can run on memory stored from the past. Example: a drunk person, driving a car, finds themselves at a place but cannot remember how they got there. They used past memory of how to drive a car, but the actual journey from one moment to the next has not been recorded. Note: there are many people in goal due to drunken blackouts (like hit-and-run incidences).

Other seemingly lost memory is not really lost as such. It may be still there in memory but takes a longer time to re-assemble. Memories are quasi. They are like a scar. Some are deep and easily recalled, others are fine and hard to find. Though if one keeps finding a memory the scar gets deeper and easier to recall.

Also memory recall works by association. Each associated bit is like a piece to a jigsaw. As we try to remember something, the mind assembles associated pieces to form a memory / story but not necessarily exactly how it was first experienced. That is why witnesses to a crime recall the same story in a different way. Memory is quasi and what it recalls is not necessarily so.

Hope this has helped you to understand what you are looking for.

[Epiphany_Inspired]

We actually do remember EVERYTHING...it is stored in our cells rather than our minds....this is why memories are often not consciously on the surface....and why it's super important to have/ make as many positive memories as possible, for the sake of our heath (body, mind, and spirit)

[alyra]

@Epiphany_Inspired why do my memories so inaccurate then? I struggle to hold onto what's what. 

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@alyra For some reason, there is usually a thread on the forum that serendipitously corresponds to my current audio book. It hasn't answered your question yet, but perhaps it will, I'll let you know... (maybe you'd like to do your own research on how cellular memory works?). So, I don't know....my memories always feel super legit, unless, "or was that a dream"...lol...but...There are a few things that come to mind that might help you:

Do you know how sometimes you, and your friend, can remember the same event differently? This is because you are both looking through your own "lenses" (perceptions based on your cumulative past experiences and effects). See Bruce Liptions Epigenitics/Biology of belief. Lenses effect our perceptions of our memories on the subconscious level, sometimes on the conscious level, and even on the cellular level (for example if you perceive something "bad" as "tolerable", it will encode as "less negative" into your cells).

Also, did you know that you can change your memories? For example: I've done a Teal Swan technique (Please see her work if interested, don't follow my description in practice)...Anyway, it seemed really fucking flaky before I did it, but it works. Basically, when you experience an emotion strong enough to know it has a traumatic root, you can keep going back until you find the first memory associated with that feeling...usually in childhood, but not always...you can then bring your current self there to improve the memory (provide comfort, or take fearless action to make it a better memory).

The only other thing is, don't worry as much about the "details" in memory. It takes numerous positive memories to counteract a negative one on the cellular and emotional levels. So, the most important thing you can do is to try to shift your perception to get more positivity out of the good times, and reduce the extremity of difficulties.

[alyra]

@Epiphany_Inspired ah thanks for the explanation! something to think about for sure