What Do I Do Now?

[barry]

Hello self help junkies. As many of you maybe already know... I broke up with my ex 7 months a go... The problem I face is that I keep dreaming about her some nights, and the nights I don't dream about her, I dream about having sex with another girl... I don't hide the fact that most of the time during the day, unless I don't meditate 10 minutes any 2 hours to calm my mind, I sometimes go crazy about the thought "I am not longer with her", even though I wanted the break up...
So... I feel pretty confused... and I have many question for anybody that would like to help me...

1- Should I go on a pick up journey? try to get a new gf? or to have sex with other girls? I honestly feel kind of weird about the idea of "doing pickup", don't get me wrong, I would love to learn the skills to approach a girl and get to know her in the middle of the street... but it even feels like weird, manipulative, or unhealthy

2- How do I learn, what sources should I need, what books, what "personal development techniques" should I use to get better and move on? I found my LP, I am working on it every single day, and it makes me feel good, I meditate more or less 30 minutes per day spread during the day, to calm my mind down, but I still feel I have to do more inner work, and focus more, I tryed using affirmations but I didn't like it much....

3- How do I drop the desire of sex? I feel that this is huge... I feel I need to drop it, What do I do? I have to reprogram my subconscious? (I own the book psycho-cybernetics) I am on nofap

4- Any other advice?

[Damir Elezi]

1 - You could just learn to talk to girls and create new relations without the goal of having sex with them. Use the techniques pick-up gives you and find some female friends without any intention. This way it's not manipulative,  just an active way of making friends. This might help you to get over your ex and maybe find another (better?) girlfriend. But I wouldn't search for a girlfriend either, just let it happen if it happens. 

2- This might sound different than anything you heard here, as This is a self-help forum, but I experienced that looking for techniques to apply just stresses me and destroys more progress than it creates. You should have some simple habits which really help you and commit to them, like meditation. Maybe try to meditate 30 mins straight instead of 10 minutes every few hours? As far as I know, it's not the total amount of time you spend, but the "deepness" of the meditation which creates the most progress. You can also start with guided meditation if sitting for 30 minutes completely quiet is too much for you. Other than that, I would recommend not looking for a technique, but just thinking about and examining your own visions and preferences in life. Build some hobbies and create something which may make you more peaceful, go into nature etc. More techniques often just means more concepts and we really don't need much more of those. Journaling may help you with that but again, don't take it that serious. You are just writing down What you think. Nothing fancy.

3- I struggle with the third one as well actually. Do you exercise or Do any sports? It's helpful. Move around a lot and go outside if you have time. All that can channel your sexual energy. Or Do some creative thing you can put that energy into.

4- Maybe you can ask yourself What exactly you miss about her. Remember that This is not really about her, it's about you. You are missing something. Find out What it is and then find out how you could correct that, or at least, accept it.

I am not an expert but I hope I could help. Good luck! 

[Spiral]

1. I feel like doing pickup for sex or for find a girlfriend is probably not the best approach, definitely the most common but not the best.Do so to learn social dynamics, have fun and meet new people(and in turn get over your ex). If you get laid well good for you but having this as a goal is going to make things feel harder and more serious.I would also start in a party or club environment rather then on the street.    

2. This method might do the trick

3. I assume you do not view porn, making female friends really helped me and like@Damir Elezi said exercise does wonders for you.

 

 

Edited June 1, 2017 by Spiral

[HypSandar]

Charismo on command,

The guy is dope. Great content.

 

Barry, people enter and leave ur life continuously, same with dating. Do pick-ups, until u find a person that views the world as you, or some perspective of it, maybe doing the same job, same understand, related history and go further up to marriage, etc.

 

I'm advising based on self development theories, not experience, hence i'm only 923 years old.

[HypSandar]

1 minute ago, HypSandar said:

Charismo on command,

The guy is dope. Great content.

 

Barry, people enter and leave ur life continuously, same with dating. Do pick-ups, until u find a person that views the world as you, or some perspective of it, maybe doing the same job, same understand, related history and go further up to marriage, etc.

 

I'm advising based on self development theories, not experience, hence i'm only 923 years old.

Alright that wasn't really funny, not the right structure or the conversation for the age jokes.

[Spiral]

17 hours ago, HypSandar said:

I'm advising based on self development theories, not experience, hence i'm only 923 years old.

Age is just number I'm a mere infinity years old myself, although I suppose that a really a number

[barry]

I thank you all for the advices, I am following them.

1- I am going out at night interacting with strangers, doing cold approach, without looking for sex or relationship, I am working on my social skills.

2- I try to meditate more and better, and less often during the day.

3- Actually my LP is to become personal trainer and make people loose weight, gain muscles, put a gym together, and train hardcases to get a vibrant look and be more confident by doing this... so I get pleny of phisical excercise

Thank you for all the advices