How Much Time Per Day Or Week Is It Ok To Socialize?

[Dan Arnautu]

I know that there are no ”should's” or ”shouldnt's" in life and that the ultimate goal here is to be able to be happy and content with just yourself.

I've found that I was in a much better state of mind when I was living with 2 roommate that I knew very well. Right now I live with just another roomate (which doesn't interact much) that is gone for most of the week, so I've been sitting by myself for almost the entire year, just studying and growing. The thing is, I can easily observe that I start to have a much more serious attitude towards life when I am by myself for a long period of time. Worthy of mentioning is that I don't feel a compulsive need to be loved, or be in a relationship, and I don't tend to treat relationships egoically (ex. calling friends if I feel lonely or something like that).

I am pretty comfortable with being by myself, but it's starting to get pretty monk like. When I was interacting with my past 2 roomates everyday I had very deep conversations with them all the time and best of all, I was laughing everyday.

How much do YOU socialize and what do you think is a good balance? Am I taking the solitude too far? I know that I am kind of in the middle of an introvert and extrovert. I never had a problem with sitting by myself and neither interacting with people, but when there was a 1:1 ratio I felt much happier, creative and in a more balanced state of mind.

 

Edited May 29, 2017 by Dan Arnautu

[No-Thing]

Hey Dan,

listen to your intuition for that one. Sometimes you need more socializing and sometimes less.

Sometimes getting input from "normal" people can be also refreshing and helpful on the path. If you develop a spiritual ego and take it far to serious than hanging out with "normal" people will get you in check. Are you able to put all this aside for an evening and just have fun?

If you sit at home all day and try to push it, push it then maybe that is the next thing you need to look at.

Partners and friends are mirrors to you. They reflect to you what you are and you project it onto them. You can speed up your growth if you engage in social and love relationships. Stuff tends to come up when you are in a relationship.

There is no right amount. Let go of control, let go of fear, let go of wanting to be separated and then you intuitively know what you need.

 

 

[Dan Arnautu]

@No-Thing Thank you for your answer! Haven't thought about that. So, listening to my intuition would be a first thing to do.

Yea, maybe I've been surpressing my intuition on this for some time now. Hard to balance between extremes when your reptilian brain thinks in black and white, haha.

[Martin123]

@Dan Arnautu whats in one phase a growing situation is a stagnation in another and vice versa.

I am in a similar situation. I had a very monk-like existence last year at uni, next year moving into a flat with 4 roomates. Probably will slip into some relationships as well.

 

Oftentimes the situations you find yourself in negate the previous ones so you can explore both sides of the same coin (socialization-solitude) as quickly as possible and extract all the benefit you can, so you can integrate the whole exprience, and become flexible to serve the wellbeing of all in each moment empy of personal neediness/needs.

[No-Thing]

Ok here is a thing you can try out. It might sound a bit out there (depending on your programming) but I have fun playing with those things.

1. Don't make a direct effort to stop your solitude situation.

2. Tell the universe or whatever you want to call it. "ok, big spaghetti monster. I am a bit uncertain about this solitude situation. Show me what I need to do for my next step. I am completely willing to surrender and do whatever you want from me"

3. Then you wait and don't change anything. Just become aware about invitation of any kind for you. It can be a concert flyer that grabs your attention. Someone asking you out. It can be anything, just listen to what your intuition is telling you.

4. Have fun playing

[Martin123]

2 minutes ago, No-Thing said:

Ok here is a thing you can try out. It might sound a bit out there (depending on your programming) but I have fun playing with those things.

1. Don't make a direct effort to stop your solitude situation.

2. Tell the universe or whatever you want to call it. "ok, big spaghetti monster. I am a bit uncertain about this solitude situation. Show me what I need to do for my next step. I am completely willing to surrender and do whatever you want from me"

3. Then you wait and don't change anything. Just become aware about invitation of any kind for you. It can be a concert flyer that grabs your attention. Someone asking you out. It can be anything, just listen to what your intuition is telling you.

4. Have fun playing

Youre a wise man my dude. Shining your light brightened my whole being. Thank you thank you thank you.

[No-Thing]

It is really fun. Once you get the hang of it there are so many coincidences. The more you surrender and the more aware you become about what goes on inside you, the clearer it becomes. Things start to flow and kind of work. Even if they don't work out from your current perspective, just surrender cause what the fuck do you know? Surrendering doesn't mean non-action by the way. It means more inner non-resistance.

 

[Dan Arnautu]

@No-Thing What you are saying reminds me of a quote from Seneca's book ”On The Shortness of life”

"Let us use moderation here: there is a big difference between living simply and living carelessly. We should also withdraw a lot into ourselves; for associating with people unlike ourselves upsets a calm disposition, stirs up passions again, and aggravates any mental weakness which has not been completely cured. However, the two things must be mingled and varied, solitude and joining a crowd: the one will make us long for people and the other for ourselves, and each will be a remedy for the other; solitude will cure our distaste for a crowd, and a crowd will cure our boredom with solitude. The mind should not be kept continuously at the same pitch of concentration, but given amusing diversions. Socrates did not blush to play with small children."

[Dan Arnautu]

@Martin123 Happy you can relate to the situation!