Am I A Natural Born Missionary?

[electroBeam]

After the thread about Leo's 18th insight, I'm starting to realize that I judge myself a lot for not acting 'spiritual' enough. I chastise myself if I act harshly to someone else, or if I don't meditate on a particular day, or if I act angry at someone, I'll be a tad bit disappointed that it exists in the first place, and feel bad about it.

Though I've become aware of this, and am starting to realize that if I feel angry at someone, or if I'm judging someone, I should fully accept that and love that aspect of me.

Though after coming onto this forum, one thing I really judge myself on, is my desire to change the world, change people's opinions, invent technology, make people more aware etc. Because in the back of my head, I have a voice telling me that an enlightened person is someone who has no position -> changing people's opinions is a big no no, I should be ok with the world the way it tiz.

But this has caused so much tension within me, because I really really feel like turning into an evangelical spiritualist, running around on the street, trying to question people's existence until something ticks in their head. I really deep down don't want to just sit on my ass all day, telling myself the same mantra that the world is perfect. 

I get the world is perfect, I've had spiritual experiences where all of my judgments, and beliefs dissipated, and all that was left was existence, which showed me that the only reason why the world isn't perfect, is because we have beliefs deep down telling us how the world should be. Take those away, and the world is perfect.

But I still feel like being an evangelist, the desire is empirically there, and denying it isn't making anything better.

Maybe being an ideological crusade is a good thing, and is the right thing for some people? When those annoying evangelists come up to me, while their stubbornness is irritating, there's something that really captivates me about them. They are trying to make the world a more magical and fulfilling place, and the fact that they are doing it in a group, all with the same message is beautiful. 

Or is being an ideological crusader wrong still? Is this all just ego?

[Guest Annetta]

Ego 

[Leo Gura]

@electroBeam Purify that desire, get to the bottom of it, and it will turn into being a Bodhisattva.

An evangelist is just a corrupt, ignorant Bodhisattva.