How To Find Trust If I Know That I Can't Trust Myself

[Echoes]

Hey,

so I did a lot of contemplation, self-inquiry and journaling in the last weeks. It's basically a form of self-therapy where I just sit and look deeply into my unconscious beliefsystems and emotional-energetic patterns that rule my psychological reality. When I find the core I'm mostly able to understand the pattern and release the energy by breathing or other outbursts of anger/sadness etc. It's shocking really looking back and see how I ran my whole life with all these unconscious beliefs and stored energy.

It's so fucking twisted and self deceptive beyond comprehension. The thing of course is that I know that I'm far from being completely healed. There are still self deceptive patterns and alot of delusion going on. How can I trust myself if I know that all my decisions and basically all of my perception is ruled by this vast web of unconscious energies/beliefs, and that my perception of reality and myself is deluded? This mostly applies in areas where the mind is necessary: making life decisions, interacting with other humans, where I can't rest in beingness so much. 

Is it possible to completely heal myself with this approach? or is it just another attempt of "Oh I better do this so I'll be complete and better in the future"?

How do you find trust?

Edited May 26, 2017 by Echoes

[Dodo]

My viewpoints :

You don't stop being when you're doing. You are resting in being even when there is thought and action.

You just don't recognise, because the being becomes more transparent to accommodate the action, to give it the attention it requires to exist.

To find trust, you need to find the courage to be who you are, while the rest takes care of itself. You say come what may, but I am going to be present now and accepting of whatever comes.

Trust is there with complete surrender. If you're still in the driving seat and think you control life, there can't be surrender and there can't be trust. 

Peace!