Loop

[blacksapp]

So I've been thinking about the quality of my self-development, and I realized that I'm stuck in this loop:

=> I realize how shitty my conscious is
=>  Start doing all the work (shadow work, meditate)
=> I get better, and feeling better (take a glimpse of my higher self)
=> Feel okay, and get kinda comfortable
=>  Sabbotage myself until I get a crappy and back to old (homeostasis)
=> Back to the first one

So guys, how to deal with this homeostasis thing, that keep getting me back? Any tips?
Thanks!

[sweater]

[Leo Gura]

@blacksapp What is your vision?

[blacksapp]

@Leo Gura My vision about my objectives, you mean?
 

[Leo Gura]

@blacksapp Your vision for your life.

[blacksapp]

@Leo Gura
Some things that I see that I aim for my life are this:

• Be a good communicator, and be able to express my ideas / beliefs without having anxiety and being natural.
• Use the things I'm learning to help people that I like, so they can find their passions too so they grow too.
• Impact people with the things I'm "good" at, like music, or even engineer (I'm 1.5 years from graduating).
• Use my true potential, that I really didn't get enough of it, and don't waste my life chasing my tail.

My problems with it is basically:

• I'm pretty bad at communicating, so everytime it fails I feel that urge and that bitter taste of how crappy I am, that kinda desmotivates me and creates the urge that bite me in the ass.
• I can't keep a routine for more than 2 weeks, it starts to get annoying, I don't know why.
• When the spiral is down, when I'm having a hard time, I don't have anyone with a higher-consciouss to give me advices (I know I shouldn't depend on others) or say the things that need to be said, instead I get a lot of 'non-sense advices' that doesn't help at all.

I think is pretty much it. I hope I didn't extend too much. Thanks.

[blacksapp]

@Snick 

I'm not pretty sure but, I pretty much feel comfortable with the situation;
Like: everything is fine, I can rest a little, and then I pretty much destroy what I built.

[blacksapp]

@Snick Haven't think about self-esteem like that, thats true!
You think that's the case? 'cause I really feel a lack of self-esteem :T
 

[blacksapp]

Its like building a house in the sand...it won't stand much longer (even if you could set the base of it). Got it!
And how to develop a strong and solid self-steem? Only through meditation?