Total Breakdown

[Danielle]

So I had an enlightenment experience less than a month ago when I realized that all is one/me. Since then I gradually went back to my old ways- bad habits, getting drunk, judging 24/7 etc. I feel haunted by this irrational fear that I will become reality(?) and I haven't been able to do a proper inquiry and meditation this whole month. It feels like all the desire for truth and huge passion I had just vanished totally. 

And everywhere I look I see suffering, but I am aware that I am creating it. All of it is fucking ME I feel like I'm losing my mind and suicidal thoughts have never been more present.  It's strange that I'm having full on nervous breakdowns and yet I feel untouched by them, there is like a part of me that feels totally okay with it, it never happend to me before. 

I know this post is a mess, but I had to get this off my chest

This is a cry for help, any advice how to deal with this shaky, reality -shattering ground would be appreciated.

Edited May 25, 2017 by Danielle

[Martin123]

@Danielle Looks like a dark night of the soul.
You can´t do much to escape this process so trying to escape it/change it is gonna prove futile. 
There are a few guide-lines to go by in this period of awakening
1. There is light at the end of this tunnell. If you don´t believe it just take it on faith, as from someone who has gone through it.
2. It can be over much faster and be a much less frightening experience if you immerse yourself in absolute relentless self-love and then project it outward towards others (You can check out Matt Kahns Whatever arises love that, or check out his youtube channel, it should be perfect for that).
3. A lot of integrating is going to happen so you better take it easy girl. If you wanna stay in bed all day stay in bed all day. If you wanna eat junk-food eat junk food, if you dont wanna exercise dont. Same goes for the opposite. If you feel like doing all these things then just do them. The worst thing to do is when you are being pushed into your highest potential to go against the process and beat yourself up. You have already made it. Your experience is merely a proof and a celebration of that, eventhough it might seem ridiculously painful.
4. Patience is in this case very key. There is light, but there is the tunnel that you are going through. However long the tunnel is, that cannot be changed. The only thing that is going to affect your journey is your attitude towards it. You can go through it with acceptance and love, or frightened and victimized. You are gonna get to the other side either way, the choice is yours.

Much love and god speed. You will be fine though.

Edited May 25, 2017 by Martin123

[Shin]

That's a good sign, that means your ego's helpless now.

It knows it's not really real and it has to take the backseat.

It's just a fucking child crisis from it, it will pass

Quote

This is a cry for help, any advice how to deal with this shaky, reality -shattering ground would be appreciated.

Don't escape the pain and look at it head on.

Try to refrain from the old habits as much as you can, especially the one that is the most damaging and that makes you
THE MOST INCONSCIOUS.

@DanielleYou should rather have lots of dirty and hardcore sex rather than drinking alcohol, because in the first example  you could be totally awake, in the second one you can't.

(This is just an example, I'm not telling you to go have sex with random strangers).

Keep anything that can makes you inconscious (especially alcohol and weeds) out of your system, you really need to face this pain/void/whatever directly.

Edited May 25, 2017 by Shin

[Danielle]

Thank you all so much! I'll do my best 

@Shin yeah I see what you're saying. I am aware when I'm doing the unconscious behaviour that i am actually running away from myself. It's painfully obvious now. 

Edited May 25, 2017 by Danielle

[Stoica Doru]

@Danielle You must quit your addictions, shortly speaking. You'll be alright in the end. I went through the same horror and it lasted for some good months. This will help you get a bigger picture of what's happening : 

Also, feel free to contact me in private if you're in the midst of a huge crisis. I know it can be excruciating at times, but, all in all, it's a blessing. Even if it might sound depressing, you need to learn to die and surrender to life itself. 

Much love, you'll see the light! 

Edited May 25, 2017 by Stoica Doru

[Danielle]

 @Stoica Doru I actually overcame all of my addictions (at least I thought) in last 6 months and was free of them until post awakening. I guess that's what Leo calls ego backlash. 

I'll check out the video. Thank you, much love 

[Martin123]

@Danielle Addictions come back as deeper energetical patterns within your ego-structure are revealed. Thats fine. The addiction itself is kind of harmless, the pattern will be dissolved nevertheless.
Dont force yourself to resist strong cravings thats unnecessarily adding pain onto the wound.
Again, you already made it, now youre here to enjoy the show of the transition.
(Disclaimer: Im not advocating getting alcohol poisoning or anything Just saying, if you wanna go out and get drunk from time to time, it wont harm you... not really, this process is way too powerful for it to be stopped by some innocent drunkenness, Id imagine you would really have to be wasted 24/7 to "STOP" anything)
If craving is coming up, love the one who craves. 

Edited May 25, 2017 by Martin123

[Shin]

See, after reading your post, I'm not gonna do 1 hour of meditation/self-inquiry this afternoon

I don't even know if I'll come back before night !

 

Thank you :3

 

Edited May 25, 2017 by Shin

[Martin123]

14 minutes ago, Shin said:

FSee, after reading your post, I'm not gonna do 1 hour of meditation/self-inquiry this afternoon

I don't even know if I'll come back before night !

 

Thank you :3

 

I feel like some have the attitude of "ye I was guna get enlightnd but then I skipped a day of self-enquiry and it got all doomed."

What? Like... what? ?

[Shin]

4 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

I feel like some have the attitude of "ye I was guna get enlightnd but then I skipped a day of self-enquiry and it got all doomed."

What? Like... what? ?

Like you could loose anything

 

OK, HERE WE GO, SEE YOU TONIGHT BOIS !!!

 

Edited May 25, 2017 by Shin

[Barna]

13 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

I feel like some have the attitude of "ye I was guna get enlightnd but then I skipped a day of self-enquiry and it got all doomed."

What? Like... what? ?

=)) @Martin123 this is perfect, you completely sound like Matt :)) 

[Martin123]

@Barna oh my gosh hands down this is the best compliment Ive ever received. I think Im liberated now :3 haha thanks you kind love.

[aurum]

@Danielle I went through something very similar. It was the worst part of the process for me.

Consider finding a mentor, someone who you personally know and can guide you through this.

Besides that, all I can say is keep moving. Put one foot in front of the other.

[Shin]

Hi Danielle, hope you feel a bit better Danielle.

@DanielleAnd when you've finish with this, give it to me, PLZ !

 

Edited May 25, 2017 by Shin

[Shin]

2 minutes ago, Danielle said:

 

Hahahah @Shin your time will come, don't worry about it. You don't want it now, trust me

If there was such a thing as being ready, life would be quite boring.

[Leo Gura]

@Danielle Classic ego backlash. Should be expected. Go easy on yourself. Give yourself space. But also at least maintain some kind of basic mindfulness practice every day. You need to teach yourself that just by sitting, you can enter a peaceful, safe space. This is your centering point. So work on creating a really solid centering point. And be more expecting of the backlash in the future. Try to anticipate them, so they don't catch you by surprise.

Whatever fears are there, notice that you can just sit with them. You don't need to "solve" them. Just sit and enjoy being. Notice that being is enjoyable.

[Danielle]

Thank you Leo, I'll work on it.

[Guest Annetta]

Hope you feel better soon! 

[Natasha]

@Danielle Yep, typical ego backlash. Here's more helpful insights:

 

[Shin]

Danielle is Supergirl.

Go for it !

WE BELIEVE IN YOU !

 

Quote

 

Any adverse experience is not your personal karma, but the aspect of the collective you are healing for the well-being of all.

What if the notion of personal karma was simply an unconscious tendency to identify with the layers of emotional debris your energy field transmutes in all you encounter? What if everything you've cleared in the world was innocently woven into the fabric of identity, instead of passing through you and returning to Source? What if your current symptoms, illness, or patterns of conditioning are the very layers you are healing for the well-being of future generations, or incarnations of Self? What if the realization that nothing you feel has anything to do with you is how you clear the karma of humanity that has been held in your cells until this realization dawns?

The moment you open to the possibility that adverse experiences are not yours, but your contribution toward a more evolved humanity, you begin to lighten the load of your energy field. From this space of clarity, you are able to release what was never evidence of who you are or aren’t, so you may welcome the joy of liberation far before the collective reflects it back. The collective shifts as a result of a tipping point in consciousness. As your lifetime of healing is honored as your contribution toward tipping the collective scales into the vibration of unity consciousness, you can continue to uplift those around you without being weighed down by their emotional density.

When what you feel is not yours to mess with, but your ongoing opportunity to clear out global density, by loving what arises, you become the first resident of your newly upgraded Earth plane. As this unfolds, you freely and effortlessly shine your light in all directions to assist all innocent hearts in finding their way home.

Matt Kahn

 

 

Edited May 27, 2017 by Shin