Meditation Journal

[Mondsee]

Nah, I didn't find a sexy title as Leo suggested, but here it is...

I am starting a meditation journal, because I don't feel any kind of development (neither forwards nor backwards) in my meditation practice, other than my legs don't get numb as much any more... also, I backslide sometimes, and tell myself that "it is fine if I have a meditation rest-day", so this journal shall register it all, and help me identify some development, if any.

If you wish so, you are very welcome to join me on this journey and share here your daily meditation experience!

[Mondsee]

Day 1

 

Days in a row: 1

Start time: 9:00 a.m.

Finish time: 9:22 a.m.

Location: Balcony at my grandma's house

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: open

Highlights: Because I knew I was going to write a report on this meditation, my mind adopted a narrative discourse, imagining how I was going to write about what was happening. Just a few minutes into the meditation, I saw a little bug fly near my legs, and I couldn't help and turned my view down, to make sure it wasn't a mosquito. I didn't see anything, got just a little irritated for having looked away from my focus point, and continued the practice.

After a while, I felt an itch on my hand, I remained still at first, but just a second later I felt the legs of a bug right on the itch, and overrun by instinct, I turned my head, saw a mosquito still biting my hand and slapped it with my other hand attempting to kill it, while I said "fuck you". The mosquito flew away and landed on a banister, I felt the impulse to try to kill it again, but I didn't move and tried to focus again into the meditation. I felt itches as if more mosquitos were biting me, but I was probably only imagining them. Some more random thoughts and narrative-discourse moments accompanied me during the last minutes of the meditation, some of which included rephrasing how I was going to write about the mosquito situation.

Edited May 24, 2017 by Mondsee
typo

[The Universe]

@Mondsee *(Try to surrender to the act of meditation while meditating by noticing whatever thoughts might irritate you that are link to a event to come back to a calm state or you will get irritated again . Will keep following on your journal dude . Also watch Eckhart Tolle. He might help ya'  ).*

Edited May 24, 2017 by The Universe
gg

[Mondsee]

Day 2

 

Days in a row: 2

Start time: 8:45 a.m.

Finish time: 9:07 a.m.

Location: Balcony at my grandma's house

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: open at first and half open at the end

Highlights: Random but blurry thoughts, slow pace of thinking. At some point either something entered in my eye or, something happened with my contact lenses, so I had to close my eyes, as I opened them again, I reached a point of almost no thoughts and a higher than normal awareness of my body, after some seconds, some thoughts started crossing my mind regarding that state, like "ok, now just breathe", and some other random things, but mainly just brief ideas, words or images rather than an entire discourse, a "story" or a complete "scene".

Edited May 25, 2017 by Mondsee
correction of finish time

[Mondsee]

@The Universe thanks!

[The Universe]

3 hours ago, Mondsee said:

@The Universe thanks!

[Mondsee]

Day 3

 

Days in a row: 3

Start time: 8:00 a.m.

Finish time: 9:25 a.m.

Location: Balcony at my grandma's house

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: open only at the beginning, closed the rest of the time

Highlights: Right after I started I had an itch in my neck which kept drawing my attention. I had many thoughts of important things that I have to do today and I shall not forget. Also spent a while trying to remember the name of a guy that I know and I haven't seen lately (for the record, I still can't remember it). During the last minutes my left leg got numb, and I hoped a couple times to hear my alarm to stop already.

[Mondsee]

Day 4

 

Days in a row: 4

Start time: 9:20 a.m.

Finish time: 9:45 a.m.

Location: Balcony at my grandma's house

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: open only at the beginning, almost closed the rest of the time

Highlights: Today the practice seemed longer than usually, but I didn't feel impatient for it to finish already. Random thoughts crossed my mind, some career related, some were memories and a couple times, again, I thought of how I was going to report about those thoughts in here.

[Mondsee]

Day 5

 

Days in a row: 5

Start time: 10:10 a.m.

Finish time: 10:25 a.m.

Location: Balcony at my grandma's house

Technique: Breathing meditation - 

 

Eyes: closed

Highlights: My yoga practice of the day included a meditation, so I'm reporting about it too. Very comfortable meditation, probably because it was so short. During the minutes in the video of silence and actual meditation I had to remind myself a few times to relax my belly and focus on my breath. At some point my mind really started to wander for longer, but I gained focus on my breath again towards the end. Thoughts felt like when practicing "do nothing" technique, just somewhat calmer.

[Mondsee]

Day 5

 

Days in a row: 5

Start time: 10:35 a.m.

Finish time: 10:55 a.m.

Location: Balcony at my grandma's house

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: closed

Highlights: Thoughts all over the place. I was listening to "Les Toréadors" by Bizet in my mind for a long time, then I thought I could do some mindfulness meditation with that inner sound in my mind, after that I started to wander if during the "Do Nothing" technique one should allow or avoid the mind changing the meditation technique. On the one hand it would be allowing the mind going to where it wants to go, on the other one tough, It'd mean changing the technique. I decided not to focus in being mindful about the song in my head. Because I had just done the breathing meditation, I also thought about focusing on that, but didn't do it consistently.

Thoughts of all kinds crossed my mind, included an insight regarding my life purpose, the time I'd have left after the meditation to have breakfast and get ready, thoughts of some friends, and finally on the similitudes of kamasutra and yoga's asanas... quite weird, but it is what it is. In the end I was thinking about a stair I was looking from below, where a girl was standing. Nowhere I have ever been, nor was it a girl I knew.

[Mondsee]

Day 6

 

Days in a row: 6

Start time: 8:25 a.m.

Finish time: 8:50 a.m.

Location: Balcony at my grandma's house

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: closed

Highlights: I felt some mosquitos biting me, but resisted the temptation to move. Thoughts about things I need to do today, and story-like thoughts about a series I watched yesterday and about sex.

[Mondsee]

Day 7

 

Days in a row: 7

Start time: 9:10 a.m.

Finish time: 9:35 a.m.

Location: Balcony at my grandma's house

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: opened at first, half closed the rest of the time

Highlights: Story mode, it felt a little like daydreaming... don't know if I should've allowed that to continue. It was about me playing on a swing with a friend of mine, and some other stuff I'm rather ashamed to recall in here.

[Mondsee]

Day 8

 

Days in a row: 8

Start time: 8:20 p.m.

Finish time: 8:45 p.m.

Location: Balcony at my grandma's house

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: closed

Highlights: Today my grandma joined me sitting next to me on a chair. At the beginning I had some sad thoughts because I knew this was going to be the last time I meditated with her (she joins me every now and then), because I leave her house tomorrow. I felt a little as a mother who doesn't dare to leave her little daughter alone, because I have been looking after her for the last month. After that I had some random thoughts I can't remember very well, but I know for some time I listened to a French song repeating on my mind and enjoyed a lot the wind blowing. During the second half I thought about an application I'm planning to do to a job, and at the end I hoped for the alarm to ring because my grandma was moving in her chair and my left leg was numb. I was about to check how much time was left, but I resisted the temptation and the alarm rang just a little after.

[Mondsee]

Day 9

 

Days in a row: 1

Start time: 11:50 a.m.

Finish time: 12:12 p.m.

Location: My room at my parent's house

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: open

Highlights: I felt at the beginning excitement rising up in my body and extending through my arms into my hands. It was very interesting following that process. After that I had some random thoughts, again some narrative discourse on how I was going to write this report, and in the latter quarter of the time (approximately), my left leg got numb, so I was hoping for the alarm to ring soon.

[Mondsee]

Day 10

(Report from yesterday)

 

Days in a row: 2

Start time: 6:30 p.m. (aprox.)

Finish time: 6:50 p.m (aprox.)

Location: Airplane

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: open

Highlights: I experimented on using my time during a flight to meditate. I decided to do it with my eyes open, looking out the window. Although I didn't move, I didn't reach a meditative state, maybe because I didn't have a steady point to focus on. I got distracted on a couple occasions because of what was happening around me. At the end, although I kept the eyes open, I felt very sleepy and was fighting not to fall asleep.

[Mondsee]

Day 10

 

Days in a row: 1

Start time: 4:55 p.m.

Finish time: 5:17 p.m.

Location: Room at my father's apartment

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: closed

Highlights: Random thoughts. At some point half way through, my father called me complaining I abandoned clothes at the washing machine. I answered I didn't abandone them and continued with the meditation.

[Mondsee]

Day 11

 

Days in a row: 1

Start time: 10:55 a.m.

Finish time: 11:17 a.m.

Location: Room at my father's apartment

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: open

Highlights: I tried for the first time sitting in half lotus (hanka-fuza) with the right ankle on top of my left thigh. I thought it was going to get very uncomfortable, but during the last minutes of my meditation I literally thought "I hope this could last forever". I also tried the dharmadhatu-mudra for the hands. I don't remember which had I had on top, and I did feel frustrated as I was first trying to find balance between my thumbs. I thought it was a very unstable gesture and that I'd have to almost use force to keep my thumbs in that position, but with time it proved to be a great help to focus, in the moments when I started daydreaming the most (above all thinking about memories), my thumbs started to fall apart, and putting them together again has a way to regain focus.

Since nothing in my view-field was changing, my mind was dedicating to perceive how different noises entered the present, making this permanent thing ("the now") constantly change. Other random thoughts and memories also came in.

I want to thank @Azrael for sharing the information about the posture of zazen with us.

[phoenix666]

I tried my first meditation session in half lotus today. It worked wonder! I always struggled with the blood flow in my left leg after 15-20 minutes. Today it worked perfectly with hanka-fuza. I just wanted to thank you since I got the inspiration to try this through reading your journal. 

Keep meditating and good luck on your journey!

[Mondsee]

@phoenix666 cool! it's nice to hear that!!

[Mondsee]

Day 11

 

Days in a row: 1

Start time: 12:30 p.m.

Finish time: 12:55 p.m.

Location: Room at my father's apartment

Technique: Do nothing

Eyes: closed

Highlights: I sat in half lotus, and had no discomfort from the beginning till the end. Hands were in  dharmadhatu-mudra and my thumbs kept separating constantly. I feel like I just wasted my time with this meditation, I could hear soft rock coming from the living room the entire time, the type of songs everyone knows the lyrics from, and you sing at a campfire. That was really distracting, I tried not to resist it, and rather be mindful about it, but it's just a bad type of music to do that. Mind was all over the place, and I had stomachache. Also my father called me at some point, and I just didn't answer. I had thoughts about a series I'm watching, about sex,  about the film I watched yesterday and many other things. All in all, definitely a low quality meditation session.

P.S. I have been skipping meditation for the entire week. I haven't really found time in my new schedule, but I might try start meditating on the way to the university on the bus. I also feel that the lack of practice is what led me to this level of meditation of today.

Edited June 18, 2017 by Mondsee