Guys, What Is Girlfriend Material And Where To Find Them?

[Spiral]

3 hours ago, Emerald said:

But a man who has cultivated a relationship with his feminine side will have more emotional sensitivity and awareness which will give him the ability to read his intuition. Until you develop emotional sensitivity, you'll just be going around in your mind trying to make pieces fit intellectually. The intuition will tell you who you're really attracted to in a deep way. 

That is the problem exactly, when I was a macho guy with low standards in regards to personality, this was not really a problem for me. I would think oh she is kind and honest, that's good enough. But after getting more inclined with other people suffering and especially their way of dealing with it. I would just feel bad for them and perhaps make friends with them, but not be interested in anything romantic or sexuell. Have you seen Leo's red flags? he is picker then I am.

Although I do not consider intuition a feminine attribute,I consider it independent of both logic and emotion.

@Arion Thanks, this is exactly the type of response I was looking for But what if you would met one by mistake, would you say no?

@Toby It's not like I go around on the street judging people I don't know, I would at least go for a date first before I decide whether I want to be in a relationship with her, I really worded this topic horribly it seems. 

I view "girlfriend material" as someone I personally with be interested in dating, is that degrading and objectifying? I don't consider it to be, just like a won't feel offended being called "boyfriend material".

Edited June 19, 2017 by Spiral

[Arion]

@Spiral sure, of I met such a woman I'd pursue to an extent that I don't come across as needy.

i m a guy that takes these things slow, as tbh I'm pretty inexperienced. I also have certain insecurities that  I need to address: e.g the belief that women are hypergamous by nature, and my own intimacy issues.

In fact , recently I met a woman with all those traits and although I didn't flirt etc, just our quiet conversation was very entertaining and interesting. I made my interest known because of the questions I asked +. Body language. It's still out in the open though .

[Emerald]

42 minutes ago, Spiral said:

That is the problem exactly, when I was a macho guy with low standards in regards to personality, this was not really a problem for me. I would think oh she is kind and honest, that's good enough. But after getting more inclined with other people suffering and especially their way of dealing with it. I would just feel bad for them and perhaps make friends with them, but not be interested in anything romantic or sexuell. Have you seen Leo's red flags? he is picker then I am.

I'm not 100% sure what you mean. Do you mean that you agree with my thought of needing to develop more emotional sensitivity to gain more proficiency in reading the intuition? Or do you think that the issue is a different issue? 

42 minutes ago, Spiral said:

Although I do not consider intuition a feminine attribute,I consider it independent of both logic and emotion.

I tend to view a lot of things in terms of Yin and Yang (feminine and masculine respectively). The ebb and flow of Yin and Yang is what creates the system-like nature of every living and non-living system, including individual people. It's been a helpful roadmap for me in addressing some of my internal imbalances and issues. I grew up in such a way that I valued Yang (masculine) at the expense of Yin (feminine). So, many of my issues were a reflection of this internal imbalance and repression of Yin. It's a very common repression in our society which is very Yang (masculine) oriented. So, this issue is even more common in men as men are punished extra for expressing Yin traits. So, understand that when I use the term "feminine" I don't mean "woman-like". When I say "feminine" I mean Yin. So, intuition is part of Yin (femininity), but everyone has intuition. It's just that, if a man or woman represses their Yin (feminine) side, they will have issues with being insulated from reading their intuition with clarity.

So, to cultivate a relationship with your Yin side, you'll want to become more sensitive to your emotions which will allow you to read more nuance into the messages from the intuition. Imagine that your experience of reading your intuition right now is like petting a cat with an oven mit on. You can tell that you're petting a cat and can pick up on the major forms of the cat. You can even tell that the cat is smooth. But you're missing out on a lot of the subtler details of the experience. So, now imagine that you took the oven mit off and started petting the cat. It would feel totally different and you'd be observing a lot more subtle details of the experience of the cat. You would even be feeling some of the individual furs if you cultivated enough awareness and sensitivity.

So, my thought is that currently you may not be experiencing your intuition at full stretch due to lack of cultivation of a relationship to your Yin side. So, currently you may only be able to rely on the intellect (Yang) to determine whether or not someone would make a good girlfriend for you based on having certain attributes. The Yang side is analytical and logical, so it will make all its decision based on numbers and rationality. And to the Yang side, attraction is very objective and the object of attraction will be determined based upon the sum of their parts. The Yin side is emotional, and will make its decision based on intuition. For the Yin side, the attraction is organic and subjective, and the subject of the attraction will be based on being greater than the sum of its parts. You need both to be able to make a good choice in partners. One without the other will lead to two different types of disasters.

So, Leo's advice for relationship red flags is a good Yang metric to keep around to avoid negative relationships. Though I also advise not to be too nit-picky. Don't expect that there will be any perfect people. Just make sure that the person isn't going to weigh your life down. But in honesty, I don't see Leo as being very proficient in cultivating a relationship with Yin relative to his dating/relationship advice. He tends to fall very polarly on the Yang side. At least this is true when he was making more dating/relationship based videos. I don't know if he's changed since then in that regard.

Edited June 19, 2017 by Emerald

[Spiral]

2 minutes ago, Arion said:

@Spiral sure, of I met such a woman I'd pursue to an extent that I don't come across as needy.

i m a guy that takes these things slow, as tbh I'm pretty inexperienced. I also have certain insecurities that  I need to address: e.g the belief that women are hypergamous by nature, and my own intimacy issues.

Well women do find status attractive just like a guy found a compassionate girl attractive both are innocent, without any manipulative/exploitive intent.Wish you the best resolving your insecurities.

[Arion]

@Spiral thanks for your insight and wishes. I agree with you. 

[Spiral]

@Emerald Ahh I see what this is, we are having problems of semantics. I do really appropriate your advise and I feel obligated to recommend you the book: Dear Lover by  David Deida. If you like this dualist kind of thinking in terms of masculine and feminine, I have not read it myself but i've read the one for men and that's quite the book. You can see how shin seem to be very promotional of the male one and he seems to have changed at lot recently, I would think it has something to do with that book.

I thought you meant the more spiritual meaning of intuition, the divine knowledge somehow received from within. To for instance become Interconnected with the cat, to become the cat and feel what it feels like to be petted and to think whatever cats think about. Or the classic video by Leo where he for instance mentions in relation to confusion. 

 

[Dan Arnautu]

@Spiral Well, I know it is hard. A thing that can help you is to do an exercise from the book ”How to be a 3% man” by Corey Wayne.

There he gives you a number and you need to list the qualities that would make the perfect woman for you. Then, he gives you a smaller number and makes you cut and get to the core qualities that YOU can't live without in your idea of the perfect woman.

For example, maybe the perfect woman for you is blonde, has blue eyes and is extremely educated. Being educated may be a core quality you need in the perfect woman, but having blue eyes isn't, so you can overlook that. See where I'm going? It satisfies both your high standards and reality itself.

Another upside to this is that once you have those qualities listed in your head, you immediately notice women that have them in everyday life and it's much easier for you to make a selection. Also, when you know your are looking for a red Ferrari, suddenly you see a lot more red Ferraris outside. Why? Because you were actually looking for red Ferraris.

Edited June 19, 2017 by Dan Arnautu

[Emerald]

20 minutes ago, Spiral said:

@Emerald Ahh I see what this is, we are having problems of semantics. I do really appropriate your advise and I feel obligated to recommend you the book: Dear Lover by  David Deida. If you like this dualist kind of thinking in terms of masculine and feminine, I have not read it myself but i've read the one for men and that's quite the book. You can see how shin seem to be very promotional of the male one and he seems to have changed at lot recently, I would think it has something to do with that book.

I thought you meant the more spiritual meaning of intuition, the divine knowledge somehow received from within. To for instance become Interconnected with the cat, to become the cat and feel what it feels like to be petted and to think whatever cats think about. Or the classic video by Leo where he for instance mentions in relation to confusion. 

 

Thank you for the recommendation. But I'm not too interested personally in Yin and Yang from the relationship/attraction perspective as David Deida writes about. His perspective tends to be focused on creating a polarization of energy between two people to create attraction in relationships. Basically a man pushes his masculinity to the furthest pole, and the woman pushes her femininity to the furthest pole to create maximum attraction between the two halves as embodied by two people.

My view is kind of the same but opposite from his. I focus more toward authenticity irrespective of human gender and integration of both Yin/Yang sides without consciously trying to control or polarize them. That way, without resistance, the natural inborn Yin and Yang can shine through in an individual's personality and react together to turn water into wine and brass into gold. The idea is basically to get in touch with your androgynous nature (as all people naturally contain a unique ratio of Yin and Yang from birth) and to create an alchemical attraction reaction within yourself and move toward wholeness and dynamism within yourself irrespective of relationship. Basically, I find it far more satisfying to be sex than to have sex.  However, a caveat to my perspective is that you probably won't attract as many people. But you'll attract people that you're more compatible with on deeper levels based on your unique Yin/Yang ratio.

So, even though it touches the topic of relationships, my focus tends to be on fixing internal repressions and artificially created imbalances in the individual and in the world. So, I like to look at this polarity in terms of large non-human systems as well. It helps me understand things better and find solutions.

Wisdom is what I call the infinite river of divine knowledge that you can tap into when free from the constraints of ego. Intuition from this state can come as clear as a (voiceless) voice. But with the constraints of ego, intuition comes mainly through the lens of the emotions. So, cultivating emotional sensitivity will help you get in touch with wisdom via the intuition which will lead you in the direction of greatest expansion. This is true for relationship attractions as well. However, one caveat would be that it may lead you away from seeking relationship too. Either way, it will be a better feeling to follow what your intuition tells you, even if you think that things should be some other way.

[Natasha]

On 5/26/2017 at 3:14 PM, Torkys said:

Male instincts dude, male instincts... Leo also says in his "Masculinity vs Femininity" video that all that men want in women is just a nice face, body, booty and tits.

And when she grows older and 'nice' are no more, what do you do with her then? Make sure she's got some brains too. As Judge Judy says, "Beauty fades, dumb is forever"