Stuck And Melancholic With The Past

[Moreira]

The 2014 was a fantastic year for me, I made great relationships, friends, a girlfriend. Also visited nice places , my job was ok, money, every aspect of my lifewas great.

Now my life is mediocre, I'm unemployed, no girlfriend. A lot of times I try to RE-live my golden year doing the same I did, I find myself listening music of that year, trying to recover old relations of that year, same habits, watching same movies, recreate my old lifestyle.

I think this is bad because now the circumstances are different and we are meant to evolve in the path of life.  what should I do to not get tempted to have this melancholic behavior?

[Epiphany_Inspired]

I could answer in four words "SAVOUR THE PRESENT MOMENT"

Have you ever remembered a movie as "amazing" only to watch it later, and find it's just "ok? This is how the past can work on us, like a fantasy...in fact all you are doing is missing out on the beauty of right now...and it's awesome!!!...today, and tomorrow, and so on, are anything you want to make of them....if only you are willing to dream ...instead of re-living the past, maybe use it as a springboard for things you love, and jump even higher into the now!

don't get me wrong, I still do it too....so guilty....I still listen to the same music, I'm super nostalgic....I wonder what if I'd never left my rad fiddler boyfriend and Halifax to come back to BC and get run over twice by a delivery truck?....the key thing there was the "what if" ....what if's are only helpful if positive and forward facing...what if I start working on my life purpose project right now? what if I try that other thing that I've always wanted to do? etc...what if's for dreaming of awesome new possibilities, are rad....watch out for them with worst cases, or re-living the past....having gratitude about the great things you have now really helps!....would you consider making some new even more sparkly, more golden, golden-years starting right now? I will, let's both live now!

Edited May 23, 2017 by Epiphany_Inspired

[egoeimai]

The thing you should is try to find joy in this moment. And live even better than the past. Its simple. Add things that you like to do,making your life enjoyable. If you have fears,get over the fears.there are techniques or affirmations or books you can read to realize your fears and your anxieties,and in general how the mind works. As you have learnt about this then you should practice them. Silent your mind,visualize the life you want to live in,and with patience and courage you can go there. But first you must release than pain/fear related to the past because it is a burden that is holding u back. Seeing that clearly life is about joy and creation. Fears are only in our minds,and as we get over them,we can live our dream-life.

All these efforts you've done are pointless. If you cant feel them ftom inside,If you lost the inspiration,it wont come just listening to a song. Try to find the fear the obstacle and deconstruct it

[barry]

@Moreira I can relate to that, I even did that... in 2015 I had a very bad break up, and in 3 months I recovered and I even managed to build aboundance and get another girlfriend, but 6 months a go we broke up... I litterally tried to do the same things I did during the previous break up recovery time, like it was a ritual to "make it happen again"... but the thing is... I was running away from pain, and from hard work, thinking that trying again to get a new GF was going to make me feel good, the fact is that I was spending all the time thinking about my ex, and hoping to getting to know a new one in any situation I was in, I even did some pickup, both nightgame and daygame...

But the reality is... you have to live in the present moment, and first of all get serious about your personal development... buy some books, cut out some bad habbits, go on nofap or whatever... but the thing that 3 months a go I began to do was getting serious about personal development, just from there I began to feel better... 

I think the key is: START INVESTING INTO YOURSELF

[FindingPeace]

It's very easy to dwell in the past when the present isn't as satisfying. But you have to accept the fact that the past doesn't exist anymore. It is only a story that you like to keep telling yourself because it comforts you. But it also creates this pain for you because you end up longing for the story to be true again. Which it can't. It can never be.

It's also a form of procrastination. Sitting around reminiscing about what once was, is not doing anything constructive now. The key point here is that your present circumstances are not satisfying you. If they were, you wouldn't be caught up remembering the story of 'better times' from the past. So ultimately you are not being creative in your life.

One of the beautiful things about life is that you are not bound by the linear 'narrative' that you think of as your life story. In fact, you can end a chapter and start a new one any time you like. Right now, you can begin a new story. Or tomorrow. Or next week. Or whenever. It's your choice. But realise that you can start creating the next chapter of your life at any moment. And you can choose to make this new chapter as satisfying as any previous one.

So there are two answers here: firstly be grateful of the past that you had. If you had good times, then be appreciative that you had that. Feel peace and gratitude that you had that experience. Secondly, now start creating the next experience of your life. What will it be? It can be anything. So focus your energy on creating the next chapter of your life. Once you start focussing you will be less inclined to contemplate the past, and hopefully more excitied about the future.

But also, be accepting of the present moment too. Life is ultimately an experience. Or an infinate collection of experiences. Some are nice, some are not so nice. But ultimately an experience is only real in the moment. So learn to be appreciative of the present moment, especially when it is being rewarding. And once the moment becomes a memory, retain that gratitude that you had for that experience.

Instead of living in a world of 'lack', we should learn to be more grateful. Nothing in life is permament so we can't expect our experiences of life to be so. So rather than mourning the loss of the 'good' experiences, we should savour the appreciation that we had the good experience in the first place. And savour every experience, particularly in the present moment. And remember that every experience is only a transient thing.