How To Handle Intense Anger And Hatred?

[Sagar Takker]

I have been practicing meditation since two years. I consider it to be the most important thing in life to fully feel whatever emotions arise instead of suppressing them. I have read Letting Go by David Hawkins which is majorly where I learnt this from. Moreover, I have attended the Vipassana Meditation 10 retreat 4 times in the last 2.5 years.

Whenever an intense emotion arises, I make my best efforts to fully feel it and let it go. However, this also makes it somewhat necessary for me to isolate myself and focus on letting go whenever an emotion arises. Also, I find it to be very important to close my eyes to fully feel the emotion; it get's really difficult to feel emotions and the mind tends to identify with thoughts and feelings when my eyes are open.

My question is, how can I fully feel an emotion instead of suppressing it, yet continue to remain in the situation causing that emotion without closing my eyes?

For example just the other day, I was driving my car with my parents riding along. They were doing certain things that made me feel really angry. Of course, I couldn't close my eyes then and thus I kept on driving and repeating to myself, 'feeling.' This labelling process helped to a huge extent. However, is there a better way of going about this?

Moreover, is there a way to gently express intense anger or hatred? For example if I am feeling anger/hatred towards my parents, is there a way to express that in a gentle way? For me, when I feel these intense emotions, my voice becomes really affected. It's like I really feel powerless in these moments that if I utter a few words, I would either start crying or lash out at someone. The problem is also that I fear their reaction (rejection) for my emotions. I fear expressing my emotions because they may incite anger or rejection for me.

I don't know if I asked a clear question here. Let me try again...

1. How to handle (feel fully) intense emotions as they arise instead of suppressing them without isolating myself?

2. How to express assertively while experiencing intense emotions?

[Nahm]

As honest as you are willing to be. Do you really meditate every day? If yes, please describe your practice. Did you meditate the day you were driving with your parents? 

Also, what thoughts might you be keeping active from your past, that are triggered by incidents, thus causing the anger?

 

[Sagar Takker]

On 5/22/2017 at 11:05 PM, Nahm said:

Do you really meditate every day?

I do.

On 5/22/2017 at 11:05 PM, Nahm said:

If yes, please describe your practice.

I either do observation of breath and body sensations or resting as awareness i.e. aware of being aware.

On 5/22/2017 at 11:05 PM, Nahm said:

Did you meditate the day you were driving with your parents? 

I did.

On 5/22/2017 at 11:05 PM, Nahm said:

Also, what thoughts might you be keeping active from your past, that are triggered by incidents, thus causing the anger?

 

I think it's about feeling of powerlessness and fear of abandonment. I felt reluctant to be assertive and tell my parents to stop doing things that were bothering me. That reluctance was rooted in the fear of facing their anger/rejection.

[Loreena]

Let it go. Practice detachment.

[Barna]

@Sagar Takker

The short answer:
Whatever you feel, pull it inside your heart. Breath it in. Love your emotions. Pull them like you want to hug them. In this way the energy of every emotion can be transformed into love. If you practice it, you'll be able to love even fear.  

The long answer:

 

[Ry4n]

@Sagar Takker 

 

Hopefully these meditations will help you find equanimity amongst difficult emotions and be able to defuse from thoughts more effectively.

 

[Prabhaker]

On 5/22/2017 at 10:55 PM, Sagar Takker said:

Moreover, is there a way to gently express intense anger or hatred?

All our problems are very small, but our ego magnifies them, makes them as big as it can. The ego cannot do otherwise; its anger has also to be great.

When you are angry with someone and you throw your anger on him, you are creating a chain reaction. Now he too will be angry. There is no need to throw anger on anybody. You can go to your bathroom, you can go on a long walk – it means that something is inside that needs fast activity so that it is released. Just do a little jogging and you will feel it is released, or take a pillow and beat the pillow, fight with the pillow, and bite the pillow until your hands and teeth are relaxed. Within a five-minute catharsis you will feel unburdened, and once you know this you will never throw it on anybody, because that is absolutely foolish.

The first thing in transformation then is to express anger, but not on anybody, because if you express it on somebody you cannot express it totally. You may like to kill, but it is not possible; you may like to bite, but it is not possible. But that can be done to a pillow. A pillow means ‘already enlightened’; the pillow is enlightened, a buddha. The pillow will not react, and the pillow will not go to any court, and the pillow will not bring any enmity against you, and the pillow will not do anything. The pillow will be happy, and the pillow will laugh at you.

[Loreena]

1 hour ago, Prabhaker said:

All our problems are very small, but our ego magnifies them, makes them as big as it can. The ego cannot do otherwise; its anger has also to be great.

 

 

True

[Visitor]

@Sagar Takker Perhaps look at what anger really is. 

Anger is the expression of not being able to handle things not going your (ego-self) way.

The ego-self only likes validation in one form or another. We only get angry when we perceive a threat to our fabricated validity in life.

Anger is really an expression of FEAR. An angry person is FEARFUL of a threat, of an unknown, of change, of any hundred forms of fear which may put us in a position of losing self-esteem or self-investment.

So the question on how to handle anger and hatred is better approached by asking "how would I handle a scared person"?

I would reassure that person is truely okay, regardless of what is not going his way. I would remain calm, be gentle and soft. I would listen to find out what that person is afraid of. Then help them to face their fear(s). This is what I do for myself when I feel ange /hate arising in me.

Edited May 26, 2017 by Visitor

[Sagar Takker]

Well, thank you everyone for your responses. I appreciate your efforts and willingness to share your ideas and insights.

In yesterday's episode, one thing Leo talked about was Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton. I am currently skimming through the book and I find the ideas presented there really amazing. It covers in great detail how to deal with anger. I like the approach mentioned there.