Am I Young? I Can't Appreciate Personal Development

[barry]

Hello... I am 20, I am going to turn 21 on july... I don't know why I am posting this, but I feel like I need some comparison with other guys out there... and I also need emotional support...

The first thing I would like to say is that I am in personal development since I was 16. I am italian and I don't know if you know what is going on here in the schools, but actually nobody speaks english, and one of the first and most important goals to achieve for italians in the personal development scene is learning english, maybe you don't understand this, but being able to have the access to all the material, all the forums, all the videos (even actualized.org itself) is something huge, something that other people can't even imagine... this is also maybe the reason why I am posting this, I mean, nobody actually here knows about Leo, Personal Development, Meditation, Pick up, and all this stuff, this makes me feel alone... and most of all I feel like, I am giving myself too much a hard time, like I was taking personal development too seriously, I sometimes think that I am too hard on myself. What I want to say is that, I feel "young" in all this... I really feel like I am taking this path on a so early age, that I don't even know how could be my life if I didn't go through this process or I didn't take on this endovour... I will give you some examples trying to explain me better...

I found my life purpose, through the course, I am working on it, and I see how the people around me, my friends most of all, don't even imagine, cannot even barely get, what life purpose means. I was into judo, swimming, table tennis once, and now I am in bodybuilding and strenght training, my brother was in gymnastic and now he is in calistenichs, and when I talk to him about opening a gym, becoming trainers, he always say "yes I want to do it, I will follow you, lets do it", but he is studying graphics, because our dad told him to do it, and he put my brother on it... Now I am working very hard on my LP, I am studying to get admitted into the right university course to follow my LP, and I gave up on industrial chemestry course that my dad put me on... and here's my question... Is it normal to feel emotionally fatigued sometimes, even though your are going for your LP?

I see my friends, and the people around me, that don't meditate, they don't practice emotional development, they don't have emotional mastery, and the are all so much reactive, they seem like asleep, or seem like they don't even know what they are doing... they didn't study history and phylosophy in high schools, some of them didn't even go to high schools, they jumped on work as soon as they could...  And now that I am doing what I do, that I am studying, I see all them and they seem so ignorant, but not only that, they seem asleep, they seem like animals, it looks like they are not self aware, it seems they are responding to some instinct.. they drink, they smoke, they don't have a LP, just one of my friend has a LP, some of them instead gave up school, gave up studies, they seem unhappy, but they it seems they don't know it, or they are not able to experience it, to notice it, because they are "asleep"... sometimes I think if I fell uncoscious, that looks like so horrible... and the question I have for you is... does it happen even to you? Is it ok to have thoose friends? 

What about relationship? I had my girlfriends, but now I am single since 6 months, I don't really think that I am super dooper willing to go on a pick up journey to find another girl, actually I believe I have other things now to do, even though, I miss my ex, I really do, I still cry sometimes, but she was on severe hardcore psyche medications, she had clincal depression, and she was diagnosticated with a personality disorder, and I broke up with her because these are red flags, from the video about "relationship red flags", I really love that video, it makes me feel I did the right thing... and now I feel like I miss her, but I see also my friends, that are in misirable relationship, all marked by some of the red flags mentioned in the video, and all of them are wasting so much of their emotional energy in those relationship... I miss her now... but I know I had to do it... 6 months are passed, sometimes I still dream about her... Did I do the right thing? I miss her... but I see in the future, something like a divorce, or something very bad, like I had to pay for her medications, or she would have broke up with me because of the pills she takes, I didn't feel like I was with a normal girl... Did I do the right thing?

Furthermore on this point... do you think I am too young to bother me with this thing of relationship? I had sex, I had relationships, but now, do you think I have to go on a pick up journey, or do you think I have to put energy into building myself? I personally dont know what to do... right now I don't feel the urge for another girl

[Michael569]

Follow your inner voice. Everybody in here is different and we all have our own struggle. What may come as way out to one is a doom to another. So far you have been following your bliss and look where it took you. 

At 21 you know your purpose and you are working on it, you are probably twice as developed already than most of your classmates and friends. They don't understand you because they only follow the herd. Don't judge them, they don't know any better. They don't know that there are other things out there. Having worked with many Spanish and Italian, I will be as cheeky to claim that your country is primarily focused on making impression and looking good than an actual growth. You being different makes you the black sheep and that's fine. Just keep doing what you are doing. 

Follow your values, they are the guiding light in the dark

Utilize your strengths

Give something back even if you do not get anything in return. 

Deep inside you already know what you want so go for it. When I re-joined the university at 27 to study Nutrition Science which is my passion, I felt a deep happiness inside near the heart. This was the sign that I made the right decision despite what others are telling me. The voice inside "was celebrating." Follow it and you will not be lost. If your friends don't understand you, cut them out. You don't need naysayers. Surround yourself with inspiring individuals. You only need few. 

 

[faith]

Enjoy being young, being drunk, having sex with girls. Enjoy your 20s for God's sake. Just have a meditation habit, that's all you need. 

[Subconscious94]

Hi Barry, i think the next thing you need to figure out is your priorities. I feel if you had clarity over how you should be spending your time you will have confidence in making a decision.

I feel personally that your ego is creating all this confusion and if you just sit with yourself and observe become the eye in the storm so to speak, be in the middle of the storm and you'll gain your clarity from there.

In terms of your situation i think its wise to keep improving and developing your habits, girls in the future will come as you develop your life and raise your consciousness, from there you'll find the right girls will come to you as your perspective has changed.

If you keep thinking of wanting another girl and its not coming from a place of desperation but inspiration then for sure pursue pick-up and let that be your primary focus.

In essence you'll find your clarity if you quiet your ego.

[Leo Gura]

@barry Just keep in mind there is no real growth without learning to abandon your deepest gross desires.

Whether you choose to do so now, or in 20 years, you're gonna have to do it at some point. Without that, you cannot escape suffering.

[PetarKa]

If you can't close an old chapter of your life, you won't be able to open a new one.