Dating Insight

[pschnurr]

Hey,

I was hoping for some insight related to my personal experience dating this young woman.  I met her last Spring and I quickly fell in love with her.  I'm a very particular person when it comes to dating, and have been seeking out a  suitable partner for me for years.  When I met her, it got hot and heavy pretty quick because we were both very physically attracted to each other, but we also had so many of the same values and interests.  After about a month I sensed her being hot and cold about things and she brought up how she didnt want to be in a relationship because she got out of a 7 year relationship just two months prior to us meeting (3 months before this convo), and that she wanted to focus on herself, re-dveloping frienships, etc.  I told her cool but we could keep hanging out to see where it goes.  She agreed and we continued to hang out and have fun and have sex and all that good stuff.  Over the course of the next month we would talk regularly, hang out once or twice a week, but almost on a weekly I would act in a way that demonstrated I wanted a relationship (in some way), so she would respond by saying "I don't want to be in a relationship, but I want to keep hanging out with you."  This hot and cold behaviour started give me insecurities, which Im sure I demonstrated to her in subtle ways.  The hot and cold behavior and lack of commitment prompted me to consider other options, so I picked up a really hot girl at the beach one day and was making out with her, but the girl I was also kind of seeing (the one described above), was also at the beach that day and saw this.  She obviously wasnt happy and broke things off with me.  I told her that she said she didnt want a relationship so I was considering other options, and told her how much I cared for her and really only wanted to be with her, but that because of her lack of commitment, I got frustrated and started to consider othe roptions.  Then I went on vacation out of country for 10 days and we talked lots - she was still calling me and telling me she missed me.  When I got back we started to hang out again and sleep together, but again, the ambiguity around what our commitment was lead to dramas and insecurities coming from me and over the next 2 months we hung out, had fun and had good sex, but eventually it fizzled out.  I forgot to mention that in addition to gettint out of that relationship, she was heading out of country to travel the world 9 months from the point at which we met (met in May and was leaving in January to live abroad for 6 months).  When she broke it off she said it wasn't really going anywhere, she wanted to focus on school and her trip abroad, and that she didnt want to be in a relationship when she went traveling.  I was really upset, told her how much I cared for her, told her that our relationship drama was caused by her lack of commitment.  I told her I wanted to be with her and asked why she changed her mind because just the week before she was talking about me meeting her family and shit.  I asked her what changed and this and that.  She walked around the questions, so I told her I have no intention of being just friends so contact me if she changed her mind.  Over the next few weeks she would contact me for various things, and wanted me to meet her at a music festival we were both mutually attending.  We met and had fun but didnt hook up.  She texted me again in October and I told her we should meet up and she said "I though you didnt want to hang out as just friends" to which I said "who said anything about just friends?" to which I got no response.  She contacted me again just before xmas to thank me for my advice I gave her when we were dating because it led to her winning scholarships.  I playfully flirted with her over text for a couple days and she drunk dialed me at 3 am one night but I didnt pick it up cause I was asleep.  I asked her to hang out via text.  She said she would love to but was leaving the country in a few days to travel the world and had too much shit to get done beforehand.  I told her to reach out to me when she gets back from traveliong because we had a great connection and who knows where we would each be in a relationship lives in 6-7 months.  She said "yea you're right.  If you come to Australia when Im there let me know."  I left it at that and havent heard from her in 1.5 months.  When we broke up I deleted her from facebook so I'm not trying to be in communicaiton with her in any way because: 1) I dont want to think about her so I can date other women (which Im doing); 2) don't believe that any form of chasing her is necessary when she is abroad anyway.  Although I love this girl, and to be honest, I thought the connection I had with this girl was unbelievable (like nothing Id ever experienced before), I'm gonna keep dating other girls BUT this girl will be back from traveling come July and would really love to redkinle this thing.  Do you think there is a chance of rekindling this thing? What would you do if you were me?  It was a bit messy but we had everything in common and made each other laugh a lot and had real good sex.  I'm 32 and she is 27.  Your thoughts and advice would help.

Thanks

[Midlife Crisis]

Just throw a suggestion out there and don't seem so focused on a relationship. Have fun with it. You both are still young enough to have a great time.