Humbling The Ego With Absolute Honesty!

[Scholar]

I want to try an experiment, and I want people to join in if they feel like . Whenever I write a post on this forum, I will add the motivations of why I wrote the post and how I feel about it. It will start right now. People are not supposed to respond to the honesties at the end of the posts, they are just there to be read by members.

 

Why I wrote this post: I want to be a less serious person because it's something that I struggle with in my life. To do that, I thought I could open a thread in this forum and see what people might say. I feel smart for having had the idea, and I seek approval from other members of this forum. I feel really awkward writing this, but I will do it anyways. I care about how people recieve what I am writing right now. I am still doing it as I'm writing this. I'm just writing this to be approved of. It feels strange. At this point I feel like I am writing too much. Now I feel proud that I'm going to post this.

[Guest username]

I've had this idea before, but the thread didn't take off. I don't remember if I actually decided to post the thread or not. I feel somewhat validated by seeing this idea again. It strokes my self-image; I haven't really let go of my need to be a wise person.  I enjoy wisdom for it's own sake, but I also get a dirty high over the impact that has on my self-image. I'm somewhat jealous of @Hungry_Duck for being awakened, even though I can only take his (her?) word for it. I'm also a bit self-critical for being jealous. I am stroking my ego with my self-honesty as a sign that I am a much more developed person that I used to be and most others. I have a fear that as clear as my growth seems that it is just pure self-delusion. I often feel like this might all be one big lie and I'm just participating in a cult instead of a genuine self-development community.  

As much as my life has improved. I don't think my misgivings are more than misgivings completely, however my self-doubt is strong enough to have a somewhat emotional impact on me. I am afraid inner work is just my defense mechanism of running away from the world. I am afraid all my sagely insights are delusions and that I'm not really on the path to becoming a sage at all, just a fraud.

I am hoping people here will reassure me, and there's a part of me that just wants to use this place as an echo chamber because the ambiguity of this work is frightening.  I don't feel as burdened by negative emotions and self-doubt as I used to be, but there are still feelings of that perhaps being my own bravado and self-deception.  I feel repetitive and not particularly insightful as I write this, which brings forth some insecurities I have about my innate intelligence.

Edited May 17, 2017 by username

[Guest username]

@Hungry_Duck Thank you, this is what I do, and what I believed was the correct response.

I don't actively hold the beliefs and notions that I described here, but I was trying to be honest about some of the thoughts I tend to have so I don't BS about the thoughts that occur.

I don't actively think of enlightenment as a competition or anything. I've become pretty good at not making it a ego game. I drop that stuff and focus on Truth, but I'd be lying if I failed to acknowledge that ego constructs are still there.

All that other shit is Maya though, and I don't really take it seriously as I used to anymore.

Edited May 18, 2017 by username

[alyra]

well to be completely honest I post because i am a machine who believes she is identity with free will. 

[Nahm]

@alyra Sounds so depressing.

[Sevi]

@Scholar I liked this a lot, I have to go back to my training but: 

Purposefully adopt light heartedness, playfulness, humor is a really really good thing though! I helps me a lot taking things lightheartedly, because oh, was I that uptight serious person?! ? guys, you should see now?

yeah. This is much better?

[Guest Annetta]

@Scholar Sounds like it could be a good idea, the best results imo can from deep self inquiry.  I'll give it a shot for a week...

Why I wrote this:

I feel exasperated with the spiritual path and have decided not to follow it, however I have read and experienced better moments of clarity when I can sort out what emotions I am feeling and what my motivations are.  I feel concerned about how I am perceived and remember the difference when I did not care.

[JustinS]

@alyra Check out the film Ghost In The Shell. I haven't watched but I believe it's about machines who believe they have an identity and free will. 

[alyra]

@JustinS Yeah ghost in the shell is a very inspiring source of considering individuality and "soul" type thinkings. Have you seen the series? 

Edited May 21, 2017 by alyra