[book] Authentic Happiness By Martin Seligman (10/10)

[Paul McCarthy]

I gave this book a 10/10 rating because it's the best book about happiness that I've read so far, and it really cleared up some questions I had about long term happiness and fulfillment.  I will try and cover the main points here, but I also thoroughly recommend reading it from cover to cover.

Note:- I'm going to be adding to this review over time with multiple parts because there are a number of concepts that are described in the book that will take me time to clearly articulate. I also want to make videos about the most important topics in the book.

Changelog-

• 17th May 2017 - Added Part 1 about the Hedonic Treadmill and The Happiness Thermometer.

 

Part 1 - The Hedonic Treadmill and The Happiness Thermometer

 

The Hedonic Treadmill

The Hedonic treadmill is a metaphor and term to describe how many of us, especially in the West, view happiness and how to attain it.  It's based on the concept of striving.  It goes something like this:-

1. We think of something that we want to achieve or get (usually materialistic, such as a house, car, wealth) etc. under the illusion that once we manage to attain this thing, it will bring us long term happiness
2. We strive after this thing, whatever it is
3. Inevitably we finally achieve the thing we've been trying to accomplish
4. We have a sense of euphoria/pleasure for a short period of time - usually a few weeks - to celebrate our achievement
5. We quickly adapt to this new level, happiness levels revert to baseline and we are left with a void.  We are no happier than we were before we achieved the result
6. We fill this void by changing our expectations to strive for something else under the illusion (once again) that once we manage to attain this thing, it will bring us long term happiness.

In short:- The more you accomplish, the more your expectations rise.  And, fundamentally, your happiness levels over the long term don't change.  It's a bit of a happiness trap, hence the term treadmill:- You're continuously marching forwards, but you're not getting anywhere.  You're continually striving, but you don't get any happier when you achieve what you set out to achieve.

• If there were no treadmill, people who get more good things in life would be much happier than the less fortunate. But the less fortunate are, by and large, just as happy as the more fortunate.

What is the reason for this?  Something called the Happiness Thermometer...

 

The Happiness Thermometer

Many psychologists now believe that each of us have a happiness "set range" that is inherited through our genetics.  

When extremely good or bad things happen to us, our happiness levels may temporarily fall out of this set range, but over time it will revert back to baseline. This has been proven true in even very extreme cases.  

For instance, there was a study of 22 lottery winners - after a period of time, nearly all the subjects in the study reported the same level of happiness as before winning the money.  The same thing happened to those who recently became paraplegic (lost the use of their legs) - after a certain period of time, most of the subjects returned to the same level of happiness as before the accident.

Humans are just incredibly good at adapting to things.

There are, however, some things that we can't adapt to very well:-

• Toxic relationships
• Situations where our loved ones are suffering (for instance family caregivers for those with Alzheimer's disease)
• Poverty (instances where someone has insufficient resources to eat / feed their family)
• The loss of a spouse or child (One study showed that 7 years after a loss of a spouse or child, the happiness levels of the subjects were still negatively affected)

However, the good news is that there are many things under our control that we can change in order to improve our happiness.  (To be continued in part 2 shortly)

 

 

 

[Paul McCarthy]

Here's my second video and set of notes about the Authentic Happiness book by Martin Seligman.

This is a deeper look at the link between wealth and happiness.

 

The Link Between Wealth and Happiness

• The research shows that money is really important for happiness when you don't have enough of it.  
  • Those living in poorer countries where poverty is rife are not as happy as those in richer countries.
• After a certain level of income, however, that correlation tends to drop off.  That amount apparently is around $8,000 per year for most people.
  • This has also been highlighted by the fact that the real wealth of Americans has tripled while life satisfaction / happiness levels haven't changed.
• My conclusion from these findings is the following:-
  • If you're coming from a place of deficiency whereby you don't have enough money that you need to get by on, then chasing after the money is a worthwhile endeavor
  • If, however, you're in a situation where money is a non-issue for you - whereby you have all the money you need to get by and you have enough of a buffer whereby you don't need to think about how much things cost or worry about unforeseen circumstances popping up, then further increases in wealth don't appear to lead directly to increases in happiness.
    • The question is why?  There are a few theories about this:-
      • 1) The Hedonic tredmill (as posted above) - we tend to adjust pretty quickly to monetary gain so that it becomes "normal"
      • 2) People that earn more generally have more responsibility on their shoulders.  Perhaps they shoulder more anxiety and stress, negatively offsetting any happiness gain that the additional income provides
      • 3) As our lifestyle improves, so do our expectations - we take stuff for granted and we overlook the little things in life that bring poorer people joy.

p.s Sorry for the poor quality video - I realise that I haven't really done this topic justice and will do another improved one in the future.

[Paul McCarthy]

Here's my third video and set of notes about the Authentic Happiness book by Martin Seligman.

This is all about how we can change the way we look at things that have happened to us in the past in a more positive fashion.

 

Changing the way we look at the past

• The way we look at the past can have a pretty large affect on how happy and content we are
• Some background information about emotion and thought:-
  • Some psychologists have argued that thoughts drive emotion (Aaron Beck being one of the most prominent) and others have argue that emotions drive thought (Freud was in this group)
    • For example, if you are at home alone at night, do you feel scared and then think about getting burgled, or do you think about getting burgled and then become scared?
  • It turns out that both can happen depending on the circumstances.  However, when we think about things that have happened to us in the past, then it is always thought that drives emotion.  
  • In other words, the way we think about things that have happened to us in the past can give us positive or negative emotions depending on what we focus on and how we frame things mentally.
     
• There are really two main skills that we can develop to make sure that we think about the past in the most positive way possible:-
  • 1) Gratitude
    • Expressing gratitude has been shown to increase happiness levels
    • Even bad events we can frame in a way such that we are grateful for them.
      • Example, looking back at a toxic relationship where your partner cheated.  You could be grateful for the fact that the relationship is over, that you learnt a lot from that relationship, that you had some good times and good memories from your time with the other person and that you are now free to find a better relationship.  This is a far better approach than focusing on things like:- "I just wasted two years with the wrong person" or "I just invested all my time and energy for nothing".
    • The other important thing about gratitude is that humans are very good at taking things for granted.  As soon as we get something good in our lives, we adapt very quickly and are no longer grateful or thankful for them.
    • What can we do to be more grateful:-
      • 1) Visit or think about people that are less fortunate than us.  Example:- I recently went to Tondo in Manila (an extremely run down area) and gained a new perspective when I noticed how thankful the children were to just receive an education.  This is something I took for granted, but this experience reminded me of how fortunate I have been.
      • 2) Do a daily gratitude log - spend five minutes each day to write down a few things that you are grateful for in your life that you've been guilty of taking for granted.
  • 2) Forgiveness
    • We have all had injustices but we sometimes have tendencies to avenge things that have been done against us. Unfortunately this very rarely proves beneficial for us. 
      • In fact, focusing on bad things that have been done to us can leave us trapped in a prison of negativity.  We're not actually harming anyone but ourselves.  
      • A better approach is to forgive and move on.
    • What can we do to be more forgiving?
      • When you find yourself angry at someone to the point where it's bother you, you can use the REACH methodology to forgive them
      • This method was developed by a psychologist called Everett Worthington who spent a long time trying to forgive people that abused, raped and murdered his mum
      • This is a five step process to forgiveness and stands for:- 
        • Recall - recall the hurt, in as objective way as you can.  Do not think of the other person as evil. Do not wallow in self-pity. Take deep, slow and calming breaths as you visualize the event.  
        • Empathize - Try to understand from the perpetrator's point of view why this person hurt you.  This is not easy, but make up a plausible story that the transgressor might tell if challenged to explain. To help you do this, remember the following:- 
          • When others feel their survival is threatened, they will hurt innocents
          • People who attack others are themselves usually in a state of fear, worry and hurt
          • The situation a person finds himself in, and not his underlying personality, can lead to hurting
          • People often don't think when they hurt others; they just lash out
        • Altruistic Gift - the gift of forgiveness.  First recall a time you transgressed, felt guilty, and were forgiven.  This was a gift you were given by another person because you needed it, and you were grateful for this gift.  Giving this gift usually makes us feel better.  We do not give out of self-interest. Rather, we give it because it is for the trespasser's own good.  Tell yourself you can rise above hurt and vengeance. If you give the gift grudgingly, however, it will not set you free.
        • Commit - commit yourself to forgive publicly.  Write a certificate of forgiveness, write a letter of forgiveness to the offender, write it in their diary, write a poem or song, or tell a trusted friend what they have done.  These are all contracts of forgiveness that lead to the final step.
        • Hold - hold onto forgiveness. Don't dwell vengefully on the memories, and don't wallow in them. Remind yourself that you have forgiven and read the documents you composed.
      • There are at least 8 controlled outcome studies measuring the consequences of procedures like REACH.  
        • Largest and best done was by Carl Thoresen.
          • 259 adults assigned to either a 9 hour forgiveness workshop or to an assessment-only control group.
          • Less anger, less stress, more optimism, better reported health, and more forgiveness ensued, and the effects were sizable.
             
• In summary, it's worth us trying to be more grateful and forgiving in order to live a happier existence.

Edited June 11, 2017 by Paul McCarthy

[Kloof]

Thank you for this very thorough review.