Inner Work

[benny]

So recently I've reached the point in my journey where I realize that most of the "growth" I thought I was experiencing was just me "rearranging my external circumstances", as Leo puts it in his video on fake vs real growth. In other words, the "confidence" that I developed was just a behavioral adjustment. I'm still fundamentally insecure in social situations. Same thing applies to my health and physical wellbeing, intelligence, and host of other issues and insecurities I thought I could fix by changing the externals. So now, after five years of personal development, I realize I have to begin doing inner work to discover root issues that catalyze a lot of my problems in life, be it behavioral, emotional, or something else entirely.

Here are my questions:

What are the fundamental skills I need to use to begin doing this "inner work"?

Which videos would you recommend I watch to develop this inner work skill set?

Once I discover root issues, will they be problems I can deal with on my own, or will I need to see a therapist?

If a therapist is necessary, what school of practice should the therapist abide by?

Are there any other recommendations/advice the community can give me for digging deep and discovering these root causes/deep-seeded issues?

 

Edited May 16, 2017 by benny

[SOUL]

Don't dismiss the work you have already done because external work is also inner work just as inner work is also outer work.

As an example, if we are learning a new skill, at first it's uncomfortable and unnatural to us. Although, as we do this new skill it becomes ingrained in our psyche and eventually we can perform it reflexively and unconsciously. We have internally wired ourselves to behave externally according to the pattern we set for ourselves through habituation.

Faith is a powerful tool in our personal work, it's an inner tool that creates a fulfilled experience in life because it is also exercised externally through words and deeds but it seems you may have been neglecting to have faith in your work. Find that faith force that resides in your willful intention and exercise it in doing your personal work, both inner and outer, all of it. Doubting yourself rarely, if ever, leads to fulfillment.

If I would give any direction in searching it would be to not do any deep digging at all, let it come to your attention on it's own, if it doesn't, is it really there? Of course if it is relevant to your lack of fulfillment the ego will bring it to mind because it wants the attention on it. When it does get brought to attention, then examine it. What are the accompanying thoughts, feelings, images, the memories and inner dialog that are present with it?

Our mind will tell us what's relevant and then we can do our work on those things that are connected to the lack of fulfillment in our experience instead of needlessly trying to fix things that may not even be broken, so to speak, leading to much fruitless work that may just end of frustrating us with the issue still unresolved. We don't need to dig just for the sake of doing it!

Just observe the ego working in the mind doing what it does, it will bring all these unsatisfactory thoughts, feelings and ideas to attention(awareness). What I found is that it's usually just one or two motives that are the root of the unrest that feeds much of the misery regardless of how many varieties of manifestation in us that it appears to take form as.

Once you become aware of those one or two keys to the unrest you can work on those and you will likely find that much of it all will be resolved through it, plus some things you aren't even aware being related to it. One of the effective methods I used is to detach from the root causes, the ego will do everything it can to get you to care about it, to invest your whole being into endorsing what it values in identifying. Simply unplugging the cord to it robs it of it's power.

Replacing the power source with the love, peace and joy in faith will completely change your work since it likely is being powered through fearful thoughts and emotions right now. This will transform the work you have been doing into much more effective efforts in bringing well being to the whole experience in a fulfilling way.

Peace.

[benny]

@SOUL I like that you've pointed out the interconnectedness between inner and outer work. I also like that you could detect that I'm coming from a place of fear in my development just from reading my post. Pretty impressive stuff. Integrating faith into my development is now something on my radar. Thank you for that.

I was hoping you could explain what paying attention to the accompanying thoughts, feelings, etc. will accomplish. The issues that I'm aware of in my life are circumstantial. For example, I want to get into pickup and get good at dating and talking to girls. The inadequacy I feel, and identifying that inadequacy, doesn't alleviate the pain I feel from not having the success with women that I want.

Also, why all this emphasis on contemplation, reflection and the like from Leo? Sounds to me like your advice not to dig runs in direct contrast to these practices. Could you explain?

Lastly, you speak of detaching from root causes and instead replacing those causes with love, peace and joy. Isn't that just turning a blind eye to the problem? Furthermore, even if that is the solution, how do I go about doing this?

[SOUL]

@benny

Well, faith in yourself can help build confidence. Behaving in the ways you seek to in the present is creating new habits even if they feel "fake" at first though with faith in the moment can build confidence in you and become natural eventually.

The difference is that instead of digging around for the reflection material, let the ego bring it to mind and then observe it. Once the issue is repeatedly brought to attention in various ways you can contemplate it in light of what it is. You can be aware of the emotions, memories,,dialog habits that are entangled in the thoughts of your personal self paradigm.

It's all interwoven and trying to deal with it would be like trying to entangle the messiest knot of Christmas lights in your mind, why even bother? Since the whole thing is plugged into a fearful socket and it's made up of yesterdays... unplug it! See, I know that most people seek pleasurable experience so I suggest plugging in to the emotions associated with well being.

As cliche as it sounds the only way you are going be attractive to others is for you to be attracted to your own experience, agreeing with the fearful yesterdays isn't likely going to help in doing that. Focus on the now because any prospective partner you are going to be talking to now is not privy to your inner memory bank and they will only see you as you present yourself to them in that moment.

Turning a blind eye to the past? Do it!

If you stop paying attention to the past and everything the ego is flashing in your mind jumping around in your head hopping look at me looooook at me look at meeeeeeee! Agree with me that you suuuuuuck! AAARRRGGGGG!

Turn that blind eye to the past! Do it!

 

Edited May 16, 2017 by SOUL

[benny]

@SOUL Contemplate it for what it is? I don't understand. Sure, my lack of game with women definitely dominates my thoughts on a daily basis. I'm acutely aware of the grief it brings me. I still don't understand what this awareness in-and-of-itself does to improve my lot in life. 

As far as your knot metaphor, isn't that one of the pillars of personal development? Are we not supposed to untangle this mess, no matter how ugly it is? If I just leave the knot there, even if I "unplug" it, it's still there. The mess is just sitting there now and I'm ignoring it. That doesn't mean it's gone away or that I've RESOLVED the issue.

I agree with you that you need to be happy with your experience for others to be happy around you.

Turning a blind eye to the past? Again, most, if not all of what has shaped me thus far has been my past. If I turn a blind eye to it, how am I supposed to develop a deeper understanding of myself? How am I supposed to resolve my childhood woes? How am I supposed to uncover unconscious, deep-seeded issues?

[Leo Gura]

@benny You don't need any "skills" to do inner work. It's nothing mysterious or technical. You just need to sit down, shut up, and look inside with self-honesty, without distraction.

Many ways to accomplish this: contemplation, meditation, self-inquiry, journaling, psychedelics, retreats, etc.

[SOUL]

@benny Oh you want to resolve it!

I can't help you with that, I couldn't solve it the first time so I couldn't explain how to resolve it

I transcended it and gave the broken tangle to goodwill.

Didn't mean to waste your time.... never mind.

Edited May 16, 2017 by SOUL

[benny]

@Leo Gura By skills, I mean the list of activities you just mentioned. Thanks.

[benny]

@SOUL You didn't waste my time. Thank you for your insights!