I can no longer slaughter animals

[Daniel Balan]

All my life since childhood I lived in the countryside and here we didn't have money to afford buying food from the grocery store, so we needed to raise hens, roosters, ducks, geese, pigs, cows etc.  so after my grandpa died I lived only with my grandma and I became the man of the house. Since 15 years old I started slaughtering myself roosters and pigs and so on because my grandma became too old to do this herself. But It's been like 2 years now, since I can no longer slaughter the animals I raise for food! I just can't! Yesterday I had to sacrifice 4 roosters and I couldn't! I standed paralyzed with one hand on the axe and one hand holding the rooster, and I started crying because I see these animals as myself! I realized that when I kill the rooster is as if I kill God! The last 2 years I listened a lot from Leo's videos and I realized that I am not special for being human, for god there is no difference between myself and a rooster! All my life up until now I believed that the animals I raised were dumb creatures that are here only to feed the humans, but now I realized that I am no more special than they are, and when I kill them for food I am basically killing myself! To god the goose is as important as I am! We as humans need to realize that we are no more special than the creatures we kill and eat, my goose is as god as I am god! So when I kill it, I basically kill god itself. This realisation is really hurting my survival because I can't have food on my plate unless I raise animals! I wish I wouldn't have to hurt them! Because I love them so much and I realize how meaningless I am when I kill them because in the eyes of god I'm just as meaningless as the snails we unconsciously crush with our feet when we walk on the grass :(((

Edited Sunday at 09:18 PM by Daniel Balan

[Someone here]

Awe how noble of you . Might as well stop killing bacteria in your guts 24/7.

Life eats life because all is one .the universe is a closed system and automatically recycles everything. 

The same glass of water you drink is the same water that ancient pharos in Egypt drunk .

Nothing is ever lost .

[Sugarcoat]

You can be vegan

The thing for me is whether animals feel pain or not. If they do I think it’s fine if we kill them quick and as painless as possible. And let them live good lives not in factories . So we should treat them well. And ideally only eat pasture raised grass fed

[Daniel Balan]

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

You can be vegan

The thing for me is whether animals feel pain or not. If they do I think it’s fine if we kill them quick and as painless as possible. And let them live good lives not in factories . So we should treat them well. And ideally only eat pasture raised grass fed

My animals have always been feed with pasture because I have a scythe which I use to cut them grass to give them to eat. I also grow all their additional food like corn and grains, potatoes! It is a lot of work only to feed them! I gave up on raising pigs for a year now, and from the cow I only drink the milk and do dairy products, and from the birds I try to use only the eggs, put I had to kill the roosters because they started killing hens themselves because they were too many and they raped the hens until they killed a few, thats why I had to kill them.

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Daniel Balan said:

My animals have always been feed with pasture because I have a scythe which I use to cut them grass to give them to eat. I also grow all their additional food like corn and grains, potatoes! It is a lot of work only to feed them! I gave up on raising pigs for a year now, and from the cow I only drink the milk and do dairy products, and from the birds I try to use only the eggs, put I had to kill the roosters because they started killing hens themselves because they were too many and they raped the hens until they killed a few, thats why I had to kill them.

Once again I don’t think it’s wrong to kill animals when it’s done quick and as painless as possible 

[Daniel Balan]

The reason I started this thread is for you guys to help me to man up again. Because I started crying like a baby yesterday and I couldn't kill them, I had to ask my 80 year old grandma to kill them when she can barely walk. I feel like a failure and I feel totally lost! Before getting into hardcore self actaulization I killed hundreds of roosters with no remorse, now I cry like a child , I am no longer able to function properly in the environment I lived all my life.

[Daniel Balan]

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Once again I don’t think it’s wrong to kill animals when it’s done quick and as painless as possible 

Once again, it is not about morality! I once cut my hand with a chainsaw and I felt the most brutal pain I ever felt! I just don't want other creatures to feel pain and death because of me! In my eyes all the other creatures have the same right to life as I have! Just because I am from a species that can overpower these animals shouldn't be a justification for me to kill them! Imagine if earth would have 8 billion highly intelligent bears! How would you feel when a bear decides that you are going to be his next meal? 

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, Daniel Balan said:

The reason I started this thread is for you guys to help me to man up again. Because I started crying like a baby yesterday and I couldn't kill them, I had to ask my 80 year old grandma to kill them when she can barely walk. I feel like a failure and I feel totally lost! Before getting into hardcore self actaulization I killed hundreds of roosters with no remorse, now I cry like a child , I am no longer able to function properly in the environment I lived all my life.

@Daniel Balan i told you the solution in a sarcastic way but you ingnored my post .

At the same moment you are beheading a chicken..you are the human who is beheading the chicken and the chicken being beheaded.  Karma is instant .you don't have to feel guilty for killing animals because they ain't gonna go anywhere. When you eat a  juicy steak it turns into protein in your body .then you poo 💩 it in the toilet .then it gets diffused in the soil .then some plants grow.then a rabbit eats the plant.then an Eagle eats the rabbit .then you eat the bird's flesh . Then you poo 💩  it in the toilet.  

Get where is this going ?

 

[integral]

This is the burden of becoming more conscious, and why most people would rather stay in their comfort zone and bubble, and never grow up.

But you’re just going through growing pains, there is a beauty and purpose of a circle of life and as a human, you are a part of it and there’s no escaping this reality.

Many people go vegan because they can’t align their identity with the real world, a world were a human is a killer. If you were born a crocodile would you be questioning whether killing is wrong or would you accept your identity?

You’ve always been a crocodile! And now you’re realizing it and you don’t wanna be a crocodile anymore, but you have to take the time to accept yourself as you are.

The vegan perspective is gonna come to the common section here and tell you that you could be a vegan and I’m gonna tell you the exact opposite, that you can’t, and it’s better that you accept what you are then to try to run away from this.

You’re gonna grow so much higher if you accept this right now and push through then to hide under the emotional coping mechanism of veganism.

If it makes you feel any better, the hard part of life is a life of prolonged pain in cages, but these animals are living well and are passing on instantly from one chop that they immediately just go back to a state of infinite love.

Edited Sunday at 11:09 PM by integral

[samijiben]

I myself went through a full-blown existential crisis over the dilemma of whether or not I should kill flies, specifically with my favorite pink swatter.

I ultimately realized that a sick part of the fly's soul has a fetish for this kind of spanking, so thereby rationalized to myself that I am killing these flies in the name of God, but I cleverly rewrote it as "Jesus Christ" so as to avoid committing blasphemy.

[Princess Arabia]

8 hours ago, Daniel Balan said:

But It's been like 2 years now, since I can no longer slaughter the animals I raise for food! I just can't! Yesterday I had to sacrifice 4 roosters and I couldn't! I standed paralyzed with one hand on the axe and one hand holding the rooster, and I started crying because I see these animals as myself! I realized that when I kill the rooster is as if I kill God! The last 2 years I listened a lot from Leo's videos and I realized that I am not special for being human, for god there is no difference between myself and a rooster! All my life up until now I believed that the animals I raised were dumb creatures that are here only to feed the humans, but now I realized that I am no more special than they are, and when I kill them for food I am basically killing myself! To god the goose is as important as I am! We as humans need to realize that we are no more special than the creatures we kill and eat, my goose is as god as I am god! So when I kill it, I basically kill god itself. This realisation is really hurting my survival because I can't have food on my plate unless I raise animals! I wish I wouldn't have to hurt them! Because I love them so much and I realize how meaningless I am when I kill them because in the eyes of god I'm just as meaningless as the snails we unconsciously crush with our feet when we walk on the grass :(((

I guess it's only animals you see God in. Makes no sense. Then again, nothing in life makes any sense. This is just another example of the random chaos happening here. Love animals but hate humans and think that's being conscious or God loving?

[LordFall]

Well consider that God made life this way. God coulda made us all herbivores but here we are. Why aren't there herbivore tigers? 

[Daniel Balan]

51 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

I guess it's only animals you see God in. Makes no sense. Then again, nothing in life makes any sense. This is just another example of the random chaos happening here. Love animals but hate humans and think that's being conscious or God loving?

Yes, spot on! It is only in animals and nature I see god in! For some reason when I look at a tree or at a flower or at a bird I see god! But when I look in the mirror I don't! In fact I see the opposite of god when I look at myself or other humans! 

[Breakingthewall]

10 hours ago, Daniel Balan said:

Once again, it is not about morality! I once cut my hand with a chainsaw and I felt the most brutal pain I ever felt! I just don't want other creatures to feel pain and death because of me! In my eyes all the other creatures have the same right to life as I have! Just because I am from a species that can overpower these animals shouldn't be a justification for me to kill them! Imagine if earth would have 8 billion highly intelligent bears! How would you feel when a bear decides that you are going to be his next meal? 

The same thing happened to me with fishing. Killing fish made me sadder and sadder every time. Even so, I used to go snorkeling with a harpoon and kill them. I lived on a boat and had to fish. Really, if you don't kill them, they'll die of something else. All living beings die, and it's not like humans, who occupy a place in the machinery of society. No one will miss a fish; they will be instantly forgotten.

 

10 hours ago, Daniel Balan said:

Once again, it is not about morality! I once cut my hand with a chainsaw and I felt the most brutal pain I ever felt!

For me wasn't about pain or moral, was about the animal is alive, then it's dead. You see the change, something powerful, full of life, in a moment is an object, it's very sad to see, I couldn't get used or enjoy it, I always felt shit killing. 

Edited 23 hours ago by Breakingthewall

[Salvijus]

I probably couldn't do it either. But shamans were killing buffalos to eat. Maybe that will help. 

[PurpleTree]

I never slaughtered an animal but gosh i’m going to buy a hamburger in about 10mins

[AION]

You don’t have to kill an animal with an axe. You are already killing millions of living things just by existing. You live in an eco system and there is a cost of you living your vegan or non vegan lifestyle. Holding an axe doing a little theater and coming here to tell it is just little games you are playing with yourself. If you are so into Leo look into self deception. 

[Schizophonia]

I've killed chickens before. I don't see the connection with non-duality, it's just that you're a little more sensitive than average and try to rationalize it in a spiritual way.

[Schizophonia]

4 hours ago, samijiben said:

I myself went through a full-blown existential crisis over the dilemma of whether or not I should kill flies, specifically with my favorite pink swatter.

I ultimately realized that a sick part of the fly's soul has a fetish for this kind of spanking, so thereby rationalized to myself that I am killing these flies in the name of God, but I cleverly rewrote it as "Jesus Christ" so as to avoid committing blasphemy.

Lol

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

I never slaughtered an animal but gosh i’m going to buy a hamburger in about 10mins