I'm an addicted to love (LImerence) - Long-distance chicks addiction

[Lucasxp64]

I have a patological psychological relationship which can be called Limerence (Liberant Object), which amplifies because the game I had done so far ended up being women that live very far. I had stopped doing it, but the last girl in specific that I had to let go due to ber bipolarity got stuck in my head as a strong Limerant Object.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

Here is an analysis of a recent one:

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Actually what you are seeking some girlfriend that can make you feel safe and comfortable with, [SHE] is a tug-of-war between safety and lust.

She is fucking up with your internalized emotional landscape.

I feel a tug-of-war between seeking experiences, but with the harsh reality that I have unrealized financial goals to the point I don't even have money for dating, so after all, talking to her is this torture of having my subject of romantic love turning out to be the worst than I thought, but the lust and comfort of the situation makes me coming back.

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Your description of feeling significant distress, particularly the sense of a "tug-of-war" and the painful conflict between idealisation and reality, resonates with several concepts discussed in the sources, most notably limerence and the role of fantasy in relationships.

The sources describe limerence as a **state of being in love** that is **first and foremost a condition of cognitive obsession**. It is characterised by **intrusive thinking** about a "limerent object" (LO), where the person is **unremittingly and uninterruptedly occupied with the image of the beloved**. This intense preoccupation can invade consciousness against your will, making it **difficult to work**, feel **distracted and unfocused**, and be **incapacitated**.

Your feeling of **distress** and **torture** aligns with the frequently described **pain** and **suffering** associated with romantic love and limerence, particularly when there is **uncertainty** or **rejection**. Limerence involves a **general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background** and can lead to states like **lovesickness**, **emotional turmoil**, and **utter despair poisoned still further by a shred of hope**. The feeling of **pain** is often described physically, such as an **aching of the "heart"**, **pressure below the sternum**, **tightening in the throat**, a **whirlpool in the gut**, or a **sinking feeling**.

The description of the person turning out to be **"worse than I thought"** relates to the role of **fantasy and idealisation** in both romantic love and limerence. Limerence involves a **remarkable ability to emphasise what is truly admirable** in the LO and to **avoid dwelling on the negative**. You may **bend your image of her until it is distorted**, trying not to see things that might produce an unpleasant picture and looking only at what excites you. This involves imagining an **idealized version** of the person. However, secure connections welcome all information, "including the information we don't really like", whereas in limerence, there can be a **terrible fear of reality intruding upon your fantasy world**. When the **daydreams smash against the rocks of events**, suffering ensues, and hope must be built from the rubble through interpretation. The Fantasy Bond concept also describes **inaccurate representations of relationships** formed to **avoid pain and suffering**, finding **real love threatening**.

The **"tug-of-war between safety and lust"** echoes the sources' discussion of different drives and needs in relationships. Humans have a variety of **economic, physical, sexual, psychological, and spiritual needs**. Attraction can be based on physical/sexual desire (often linked to the **Primary Fantasy**), but also companionship, trust, and commitment (**companionate love**) or a blend of intimacy, passion, and commitment (healthy partnerships). The sources note that conflicts can arise between these drives, for example, being physically attracted but fearing rejection or loss of autonomy. You mention seeking safety and comfort, which relates to needs for connection and emotional well-being, contrasted with "lust" and perhaps seeking "experiences" (which might relate to passion or excitement).

The feeling that she is **"fucking up with your internalized emotional landscape"** and that the interaction is **"torture"** highlights how the experience of love/limerence deeply impacts one's inner state. Limerence can cause **emotional distress**, **emotional insecurity**, feeling like a **rag doll thrown about emotionally**, and can be an **uncontrollable force** that leads to **self-hatred** and feeling **helpless and dependent**. It can interfere with emotional health and growth and expose unconscious psychological wounds or emotional scars.

Being **drawn back by "lust and comfort"** despite the pain can be understood in the context of limerence's **imperative**, **addictive nature**. It is described as a **"madness"** that is hard to dislodge and can pull you back into obsessive thoughts and fantasies. The desire for a **return of feelings** from the LO is a persistent pursuit, and even tiny signs of potential interest can **send you into an ecstasy** and renew hope. Furthermore, using limerence as a **means of self-regulation** provides a **temporarily effective dose of comfort** when you are going through difficult periods or struggling with negative emotions like **toxic shame**. The fantasy can serve as an **escape** or a **mental and emotional reprieve**, providing a sense of feeling "whole and lovable and complete" that may be missing in everyday life. Being drawn back could be an attempt to seek this temporary comfort or to pursue the intense pull of the attraction (lust), despite the negative reality.

Finally, your mention of **unrealized financial goals** preventing dating aligns with the sources' acknowledgement that **material assets** and **socioeconomic status** play a role in attraction and partner selection. Financial concerns can also be a practical factor in relationships or a reason to remain single. This external barrier contrasts with the internal conflict and distress you feel regarding the specific person, highlighting the complexity of seeking connection when faced with both internal and external obstacles.
 

 

 

> # Limerence is to love -- to masturbation is to sex
 > ## It might feel like the real thing, but it's not.

 

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This text from the YouTube channel "Heidi Priebe" explains the concept of **limerence**, specifically when it is used as a form of **self-regulation**.  Limerence is described as an intense romantic obsession that, while feeling similar to genuine connection, is ultimately a fantasy used to **soothe negative emotional states**.  The source identifies **five signs** that indicate a person might be employing limerence for self-regulation, including **fear of reality intruding** on the fantasy, **fluctuating intensity** of limerence linked to life stressors, feeling **more whole and lovable in fantasy** than in reality, **preferring reflecting on interactions** over experiencing them in real time, and limerence acting as a **replacement for genuine intimacy**. The source emphasizes that this is often a **maladaptive coping mechanism** developed in response to past difficulties and highlights the importance of accurately identifying this pattern to move towards **real, secure connection**.

1.  **You have a terrible fear of reality intruding upon your fantasy world**.

2.  **You go through significant periods of being more and less limerent, and you don't know why**. 

3.  **You feel whole and lovable and complete in your own limerent fantasies in a way that you don't in your everyday life**. 

4.  **You prefer reflecting on the interactions you've had with your limerent object more than you enjoy actually having them in real time**. 

5.  **Your romantic fixation on a particular person is serving as a replacement for your genuine needs for intimacy, vulnerability, and true connection with other people**.

[Lucasxp64]

I think it was worsened 100x because I went cold turkey on trying to find somebody to go "monk mode" into my personal development/financial development, but this Limerant Object kept pounding on my head.

As I learned more about this last chick because I began talking back to her this month of april, those delusions about her all went down hill. As I gave her comfort and acceptance to say anything to me, eventually she opened up to me she would have NEVER would have monogamous with me (As much as her words would say otherwise), and she would have cheated, because she is looking for experiences with many guys but she likes to experience it through a romantic quasi-monogamous lens, and she said she couldn't open up about that early on because she would get low quality people, etc.

This whole thing with her revealed this massive shadow I have, which I began exploring closer, which is my addiction to falling in love with someone (Limerant Object), in this kind of delusional dark way.

 

Edited 13 hours ago by Lucasxp64

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLH7yUwkBPg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bbx696KeNaI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIsy_HSHkKo

 

Edited 11 hours ago by Raze

[Nilsi]

 

[Lucasxp64]