Isn't it desperate to move to another city only because of dating?

[Av2521]

Hi friends,

Im planning to move to a much bigger city to succeed in dating and to get a girlfriend, marry, have children etc.

But I somehow have the thought of it seeming desperate and maybe too needy, if you move only because of it. You leave everything behind, friends, family, job, comfort to meet new women, meanwhile all of my friends and relatives they have girlfriends here in my home town and soon getting married. Pressure will build up because you failed in your home town and now that you left everything behind you have to succeed in this other city. You dont go to the club, to the bar or to other social scenes to just have fun and let go, you go there with the intention to meet new women and this can be sensed I guess. Many dating coaches tell you that exactly this kind of approach will fail because then you are in a desperate and needy position instead of not caring how the night and the interaction will turn out. You are not carefree because of your agenda and pressure you have. You get what I mean?

 

I hope there are some who are understanding my point.

 

Thanks for the advice and help.

[something_else]

It is kinda needy in a sense, but you need to reframe it in your mind. You're not moving somewhere to get laid, you're moving somewhere with better prospects to build an amazing life for yourself.

Edited Wednesday at 08:56 AM by something_else

[Schizophonia]

How many peoples there are in your city ?

[Av2521]

@Schizophonia There town right now, where I am in has about 60-70k people livin in. There is a bigger city close to me with about 800k people livin in. The other city I could move to has about 3.7 million people (Berlin, Germany). But its a bit further away.

[Av2521]

@something_else Yeah thats true, you are right. But I want to stay close to my home town eventually. There is a bigger city close to me (800 k people). But for dating I think I might move to Berlin (has about 3.7 million people livin in).

[Jannes]

@Av2521 It seems like an excuse to me. You want us to tell you that it seems needy and that you should stay in your home town and not take action?

You actually respect yourself and your limited time on earth when you make the most out of your situation and move to a bigger city. Of cause there are real costs to that so you gotta know what your priorities are.

Berlin has good clubs and some very stage green people if you are into that.

Edited Wednesday at 11:04 AM by Jannes

[something_else]

33 minutes ago, Av2521 said:

@something_else Yeah thats true, you are right. But I want to stay close to my home town eventually. There is a bigger city close to me (800 k people). But for dating I think I might move to Berlin (has about 3.7 million people livin in).

I'd say go for it. Life is too short to worry about stuff like this. If it sucks and you hate it you can always move back, but if you never move you may regret it for the rest of your life.

[Norbert Somogyi]

You could say it is desperate, as long as the only reason you move is to expand your dating opportunities. When you start seeing the potential in it - new experiences, people, growth. it is unlikely to be a bad decision in the end. If you can do it, go for it!

[Lyubov]

Depends how you look at it. There’s so much ego caught up in dating. A lot of people project their own insecurities so you get a lot of jealous people who see someone else winning and they get angry and call them desperate for their strategy. Is it desperate to move for a job? What about for education? Most places in most countries are awful places to date and if you value beautiful women you will likely have to move. Call that desperate, I call it going after what you value. 

[Rishabh R]

@Av2521 I have been in that situation where everyone around you is committed except yourself. What matters is to stop caring about other people's love story and start building your own. Still to date , I feel jealous of other people's success in finding a girlfriend but when I stop caring a smile comes to my face automatically. I had a crush on a lot of women and their behaviour was insecure when I approached them or flirted with them they rejected me and then they started dating someone else. But who cares. Their choices determine their life and my actions determine my life.

As per moving to big city I would say that have a primary agenda as something else than women is better rather than going solely for women.

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Lyubov said:

if you value beautiful women you will likely have to move. Call that desperate, I call it going after what you value.

1 hour ago, Lyubov said:

 

Nice. I hope other men will see this and realize it's no different than women going after a man's wallet if that's what she values. The beautiful women are of value to you for whatever reason and the man with a nice wallet to her for whatever reason. "Nice wallet" is an analogy here. Too many times I see where men valuing women's beauty is normalized while women valuing a man's status is demonized. She's accused of gold-digging, shallow or objectifying herself.

I'm just using this comment as an example to make a statement and nothing about you personally. Actually, I will keep pointing this dynamic out whenever I see it so men will start to see how they do the same thing they keep accusing women of, the only difference is in the thing valued.

[Leo Gura]

No, it's not desperate. It's intelligent.

Staying in your hometown is lame and bad for your growth.

You move to where the best learning is. Is it desperate to move for university? Why don't you just stay and get educated in your village by your local village idiots?

Edited Wednesday at 04:32 PM by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Norbert Somogyi said:

You could say it is desperate, as long as the only reason you move is to expand your dating opportunities.

This is relative and applies to one who doesn't value their dating opportunities as much. If it were for a job opportunity, you probably wouldn't say it was desperate. You say "as long as the only reason", and I say maybe for you, but not for someone else who might think having more dating opportunities to them is more valuable than better job opportunities. Some men pursue better jobs just to get better women and use that to get the women they truly desire. The job is a place holder but the relationship is the true desire. Just saying.

[Sugarcoat]

Desperation is internal. It’s something you feel inside. What you do externally is not a direct indicator of that

Wanting to meet a partner is one of the most natural things ever. It’s literally encoded in your psyche from evolution. Even feeling a little desperation is natural and doesn’t necessarily have to be a hindrance. I think it’s a matter of how you “own it” , own your feelings confidently, be confident in your desires and in the expression of them, and you’ll probably leave a good impression that can be attractive 

Edited Wednesday at 05:16 PM by Sugarcoat

[Salvijus]

It is. But you don't have to judge yourself. Own it. 

[RawJudah]

I’m in the UK and I’m thinking of moving to London purely to meet more people and date. I’m currently in a small town and there isn’t anyone new to meet. 
 

But at the same time I do think it is a bit desperate. If I told anyone I was going purely to date then it does sound a bit silly. I would say I was going for more job opportunities. 

[Oppositionless]

Anyone know if Portland is too progressive to do pickup? I love the natural beauty of the Pacific Northwest, and I actually enjoy overcast weather . None of the big "party cities" appeal to me in ways beyond pickup.

Edited Wednesday at 06:37 PM by Oppositionless

[Leo Gura]

Portland is not good for game.

Austin is good and hippie vibes.

Edited Wednesday at 07:07 PM by Leo Gura

[Oppositionless]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Portland is not good for game.

Austin is good and hippie vibes.

That's tragic. I guess I'm waiting to move to the pnw until I'm in a long term relationship.

Austin actually seems like a place I would like . I guess I thought it was a desert but looks like they have some green space.

[aurum]

1 hour ago, Oppositionless said:

That's tragic. I guess I'm waiting to move to the pnw until I'm in a long term relationship.

Austin actually seems like a place I would like . I guess I thought it was a desert but looks like they have some green space.

If you really like the PNW, you could look into Seattle. 

I would not do Portland. It's a cool city but it is pretty sparse on nightlife.