why women don’t like modern men

[AION]

38 minutes ago, something_else said:

It's not being 'too feminine' that's the issue for most men, it's a lack of healthy masculinity. It's an important difference. Masculinity and femininity are not on a spectrum whereby the more feminine you become, the less masculine you are.

Having feminine traits can actually get you laid like crazy btw. Some of the sensitive guys I've met are fucking animals because they know how to connect with women so well.

I don't agree. Masculinity (hardness) and femininity (softness) are like yin and yang or another way we could say they are two polar opposites causing attraction or repulsion. Too much femininity can go at the cost of masculinity and visa-versa. It is about knowing when to be "hard" and when to be "soft" no phun intended.

Edited 8 hours ago by AION

[something_else]

21 minutes ago, AION said:

I don't agree. Masculinity (hardness) and femininity (softness) are like yin and yang or another way we could say they are two polar opposites causing attraction or repulsion. Too much femininity can go at the cost of masculinity and visa-versa. It is about knowing when to be "hard" and when to be "soft" no phun intended.

Humans are not so simple and rigid that we are either hard or soft, masculine or feminine. We have a complex set of traits that change depending on our surroundings. The same person can be very masculine in some scenarios and very feminine in others. Part of being a balanced person is knowing in which scenarios masculine energy is most useful and in which feminine energy is most useful.

People who are too masculine apply masculine energy to every situation, even where it's not appropriate, and this causes a lot of hurt for them. Same for femininity. Balanced people know when to be masculine and when to be feminine. They aren't mutually exclusive traits.

All the shitty manosphere role models talk and think in this binary way, whereby you must be masculine or you are a pussy bitch. And that should tell you something about them. It is pure fragility of ego. Healthy male role models have a balance of masculinity and femininity, because a balance is what you are aiming for in most of life. You're not aiming to become hyper-masculine at the expense of femininity.

[Schizophonia]

17 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Sometimes maybe the cultural norms are so ingrained that it affects the persons liking. So someone who has been conditioned to believe that arranged marriage is what’s right, religiously, culturally might be more likely to like it and less likely to dare question it. 
 

I am theorizing a bit, but I do believe all the feminism in the west, has changed things on several levels, from the more basic things like right to vote that happened a long time ago, to more cultural things like glamourizing the career woman, all of that has made it easier for women to openly criticize and be selective with men. 

Yes, my grandmother continues to find excuses for her dead husband even though he was a big, violent idiot.
 

Now we should still promote the family unit to avoid demographic collapse. Also, I wouldn't mind working more than 10 hours a day in a difficult job like construction and paying for everything if at the end of the day I have a fit wife who cooked, cleaned and took care of my children a little if there are any. 

Edited 7 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Emerald]

58 minutes ago, AION said:

I don't agree. Masculinity (hardness) and femininity (softness) are like yin and yang or another way we could say they are two polar opposites causing attraction or repulsion. Too much femininity can go at the cost of masculinity and visa-versa. It is about knowing when to be "hard" and when to be "soft" no phun intended.

Masculinity and Femininity are unchangeable within the human personality.

So, you can't add or take away Masculinity or Femininity from yourself. (Believing that you can is the source of a lot of confusion around this topic)

But if you repress one or the other, you will get the denigrated expressions of both.

And if you integrate both and embrace all parts of yourself regardless of which category they fall into, you will get the exalted expressions of both.

Things grow and develop out of their opposite polarity... like Yin and Yang. This is true with polarities beyond just the Masculine and Feminine as well.

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, AION said:

For me all this philosophizing about anima integration hasn't really worked until I started doing bio-energetics and start removing emotional blocks from my system and idd become a more fluid vessel of the divine/universe.

Bio-energetic grounding really strikes at where the anima is for the men: the body. One could be better off just saying men should be more connected and attuned to their body and treat their body like you would treat a nice lady. A nerd is a nerd because he totally neglects his body: you can see this in actual nerds who treat their body just as something to drag along. The anima integration stages are really about how you relate to your body and developing the feeling function at the cost of thinking function.

Anima integration does have a price but it is a price worth paying. For me it is all about balancing, just like yin and yang. The paradoxal thing is that guys who neglect their anima get regularly swallowed up by it and become emotional, irrational, and have all kinds of neurosis like a pyscho bitch. These nerds with a rigid body usually have a psycho bitch inside of them that likes to act out. One can't really suppress it. 

So to answer the question of this thread: I would say the modern day guy isn't liked because he is too feminine and there is no polarity, because these guys have become bitches themselves, and the reason why is because they listened to feminists and castrated themselves. And the tragicomic thing is that, women say men don't listen enough, and they should listen more to them which will only make men's problems even worse. It is the archetypal story of prideful Adam listening to naive Eve and eating poison which leads to shame. The core of a man is that man defines man by looking to himSelf, and not listen to naive opinions. When it comes to men's issues, they shouldn't listen to women but start listening to themSelves and to other men who walked the path and got to the promised land.

If you're philosophizing you're in the Masculine about it. This is why you can't integrate the Anima by philosophizing and knowledge crunching.

The bio-energetics seems like a decent means of getting more in touch with the body though... which is one element of Feminine integration. Getting in touch with your physicality and attuned to the material world is a great method for connecting to the Feminine.

But the phrase that I bolded above is exactly the type of thinking that gets men into Masculine polarization and a repression of the Feminine... which creates an aversion to their own Feminine side and a cocktail of both bitterness and obsession towards women as they see their own rejected inner half projected out onto women.

And then, the negative elements of the Feminine take on a possessive role and the man becomes bitter, petty, catty, irrational, and fragile.

And I notice that the men who are all about the idea "Modern men are too Feminine and have become bitches" tend to give off these denigrated expressions of the Feminine polarity. I can pick up on it right away in a guy's energy.

And the manophere is rife with negative Feminine energy specifically because the Feminine is simultaneously the most reviled in that space but also the most worshipped and obsessed about. 

The manosphere is basically a goddess worshipping cult that doesn't yet know it's a goddess worshipping cult.

Edited 7 hours ago by Emerald

[Emerald]

6 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

This was so well articulated and insightful that I’m gonna take this opportunity to promote some of my recent works to demonstrate an example of what Emerald is talking about here.

I believe my dancing is a very good showcase of theory put into practice on this matter.

I can be very expressive and in touch with my feminine side & emotions in my dancing (& generally too of course) - and because of that I come accross much more masculine, attuned, aligned, grounded than a ”try-hard” rigid stoic person.

Listen to the music as you watch me dance because dancing is all about expressing the music - otherwise it is just moves done in a circus manner.

And if you are inspired, take a moment for the captions / writings too as I feel like they are half the beauty:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DIwUT0ANmVH/?igsh=dnIyMHJ3aTAxMzRu

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DAODORhNtlA/?igsh=MW95bjQzODRyZ3YwMQ==

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHWGAv1Ij7C/?igsh=emVyaDJuYXA3dXpp

Thank you! And thank you for sharing your dance reels.  

[AION]

I have been through all the anima integration exercises. All anima integration exercises are all yang based exercises like journalling, active imagination, shadow work, putting the man even more into yang energy because its put the guy in his head analyzing "huh am I this or am I do and how should I be?". The feminine doesn't think like that, it just feels and it is.

Most of the guys who lack anima integration already think too much and these exercises put these guys even more in their head instead of the body which is the home of the anima (subconscious of the psyche which is the body).

Guys should be doing bioenergetic grounding, dancing, yin yoga or some other kind of body based therapy. I would even argue that guys don't even need to know about the anima. Most guys who have an integrated anima don't know anything about the anima nor should they know about it for their own sake.

For me becoming flexible with yin yoga made my mind also become more flexible. But I had a very hard time relaxing which got me into bioenergetic grounding. The body is kind of brushed under the table with Leo Gura's work too. Things like "you are not your body" can be interpreted as neglect your body. And a lot of spiritual people actually do with health problems as a result. 

Leo is the living evidence of this. Having a strong, versatile, powerful and flexible body means a strong, powerful and flexible mind. One can clearly see Leo's mind is also not that strong and flexible anymore. Spirituality should be learned from battle tested people. And you should have an integrated and holistic model for spirituality touching on all areas. Recently I opened a thread about this and almost nobody answered. They rather answer to stupid threads.

Edited 7 hours ago by AION

[Emerald]

17 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

I wonder where these beliefs come from that you have to be more fussy, wear tight clothes and be more feminine in general to be attractive; Oedipus complex ?

The only time my sister (an 8/10 at least) occasionally complimented me physically was when she saw me unshaven and in workman's clothes.

Same at university, girls followed me more than usual when I was unshaven, one even offered to eat out that day lol.

It's common that younger women tend to be more attracted to men who have a lot of Feminine elements to their appearance. This is especially true because their male counterparts (who are in their teens and 20s) tend to have a softer and more lad-like look about them because of their youth.

Like you'll see a bunch of young girls and young women gush about a Justin Bieber types or even John Mayer types... but not look twice at some super macho muscle guy, because the latter is just a lot less physically pleasing.

Like, when I was growing up as a pre-teen, I was attracted to boy-band guys... like Justin Timberlake.

As a teenager, I was into tall skinny gothy guys who painted their fingernails, put on eye-liner, and dyed their hair black and put it up in spikes. Long hair was also a look that I was attracted to. And I've always liked it when men have bigger eyes rather than smaller eyes.

And when I was in my college years, I was very drawn to either sensitive artist types with long hair and alternative tastes or clean-shaven guys with soft features.

It wasn't until I got a bit older that I started to be able to appreciate a more Masculine look. 

So, there's definitely a changing of preferences as women age... as I find myself able to appreciate the appearance of Masculine-looking guys than before when those features used to put me off as a younger woman. That's not as to say I don't find guys with a mixture of Masculine and Feminine features attractive. 

But there was a study that was done on what types of guys that women around the world from different backgrounds are the most attracted to.

And the results were that the wealthier a society is, the more women are attracted to men who have a mixture of Masculine and Feminine features (think Ryan Gosling or Timonthee Chalamet). 

And the poorer a society is, the more women are attracted to men who have a very Masculine look with small eyes, big muscles, and a barreled chest. (like The Rock or Joe Rogan types)

(They also studied men in this regard... and men in wealthier societies like thin petite women the most, while men in poorer societies liked chubbier women.)

Edited 7 hours ago by Emerald

[LastThursday]

17 hours ago, Hojo said:

@LastThursday Why do you want sex and a partner? Both those examples come from an emotional want or need.

I agree with you. But the actual mechanics of fulfilling that want or need requires logic and planning. For example the dating section here is full of pickup this and pickup that, all that is pure logic and transaction and planning and learning. The driver and motivation may be emotional, but the act of fulfilment isn't. If it was all emotion we'd be like wild dogs on heat going after anything with a pulse, and this thread would be redundant.