Post mushroom depression

[Xam]

Hello Leo and all fellow self-actualizers

I had 2.8g of dried mushrooms in the last 48h an fell really depressed afterwards.
A short trip report for some context:

It was not the first time I used mushrooms, so I had an idea what I got myself into. I took it with a good friend and we made sure for a save set and setting, including a trip sitter, and chilled at his place on the couch. We took the mushrooms with some bread and honey to ease the taste. The beginning was great, I felt like eternal love was flowing through my chest it very pleasant. It was not overwhelming. I had the expected visuals but only few open eye visuals, only if I really concentrated on some particular surface.
Then something in the vibe of the environment changed. I cannot put into words but I suddenly felt restless and had the urge to be alone, lie down and trip with an eye mask because it got recommended to me, as so you could focus more on the inner flow of thoughts and workings of the experience than being distracted by all the outside visuals. After a while, I think after 2h so I guess I already peaked, I finally got up and slowly collected my things. I felt very stable and went home, which took me about 5-10 min by bike. And it felt amazing. I was really looking forward to tripping at my place.

But then as I got into my flat it felt like a hammer fell on my head. It is very hard to put it in words but my life just felt miserable. I tried to follow my initial plan, put on some nice music and lay down on my bed. I tried to go with the flow but it became so negative that I couldn't bear it anymore. I felt awful mainly on a physiological level. I felt nausea from the mushrooms and tried to vomit, as it felt like I have to purge some bad energy or some emotion, but I was not able to do so. My next plan was to just sit there and meditate until it was over. But the whole in my chest kept growing I have never in my life felt so bad before. I tried all possible things, switched music, tried singing, finally I got outside and went for a walk. It was somewhat distracting but I was in an uncomfortable place. Because on one hand I felt super tired from the experience, on the other hand I felt like this awful feeling would hit me as soon as I would sit down. As I got back to my place it felt like I was on square one again. I tried writing and journaling but nothing really helped. In the end I was so scarred of my self that I called a friend and asked him if he could come over. This helped a bit and we went for a long walk together where I tried to talk about all the feelings I had and I was able to let some of it out. But still afterwards a profound emptiness continued. In my mind I was always positive and I was certain that it will go away at the end of the trip.

He stayed with me for another hour and we watched some TV until I felt like I wanted to go to bed. I was able to sleep. 

But the problem is that this feeling is persisting even long after the trip and I am a bit worried what is happening to me.
I realized that the reason why I had this negative hit when I entered my flat may be due to the fact that when I initially moved in, I was super tired, it was not well cleaned and I really felt miserable at the time because I had a long journey and started life in a foreign country. So I guess this could have been the trigger. But why is it so persistent even now?
I already have plans to move out in a couple of month, but until then I have an important project I need to finalize for my work.
So I am really looking for help how to integrate this experience and how to deal with the depressive feelings. I considered myself a pretty stable person, maybe with some incline for melancholy but with a huge goal oriented drive.

This post got way longer than intended but if anybody bothered to read through all of this - please share your advice and experience about this topic.

[Salvijus]

You got a spirit attached to you would be my guess. Especially the more your heart opens, the easier it becomes to get into your system. And psychedelics in general make you very vulnerable to such things. 

Edited Tuesday at 09:45 AM by Salvijus

[PurpleTree]

Maybe it’s just the nausea from the mushrooms. Maybe it’s repressed feelings coming up. Maybe it’s something with neurotransmitters like serotonin or whatever. Who knows. My mushroom trips were usually very up and down and up and down kind of things.

[Leo Gura]

Bad trips happen. You can't control that.

Just relax, focus on other activities, and let a few weeks pass. You'll get over it.

You don't need to attach some profound significance to a bad trip. A bad trip can happen for no good reason and there's no need to rack your mind over why. Let it go and move on.

Edited Tuesday at 09:59 AM by Leo Gura

[shree]

33 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Bad trips happen. You can't control that.

A bad trip can happen for no good reason

Do you still experience bad trips yourself?

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, shree said:

Do you still experience bad trips yourself?

I don't do psychedelics nowdays.

[Vynce]

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I don't do psychedelics nowdays.

Whats the largest health downside of your most used psychedelics (5-meo and ..malt)? Because you sometimes hint towards them being corosive to your physical health, whereas most side-effects are linked to mental degeneration. What is so physically damaging to 5-meo?

[The Crocodile]

5 minutes ago, Vynce said:

What is so physically damaging to 5-meo?

 

[Vynce]

24 minutes ago, The Crocodile said:

 

The reason I ask is because I've taken it 3 times and it felt waaay smoother and "healthy" than LSD for example. So I just don't get the physical damage. Which organs are threatened by 5-meo? Except for the brain.

[The Crocodile]

1 hour ago, Vynce said:

Which organs are threatened by 5-meo?

It feels more healthy and like it damages the body less.

But it just also seems to overpower the nerves in general.

[Vynce]

42 minutes ago, The Crocodile said:

It feels more healthy and like it damages the body less.

But it just also seems to overpower the nerves in general.

What 5-meo?

Just its comparatively low duration of effect makes it way less overpowering to ones nerves. Compare that to a 12 hour LSD trip.

[The Crocodile]

@Vynce Leo got permanent scars on his fingers from the energy shooting through his nerves.

And that doesn't even seem that unusual.

[Vynce]

44 minutes ago, The Crocodile said:

@Vynce Leo got permanent scars on his fingers from the energy shooting through his nerves.

And that doesn't even seem that unusual.

What mechanism in our human body would create any kind of energy that is intrinsically damaging? What kind of socerery is this?

Send me his og text, or I'll won't trust anything that comes out of your poisoned mouth.

[shree]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I don't do psychedelics nowdays.

If you did, could you still have a bad trip?

Do bad trips happen only due to unresolved psychological baggage, or can they arise randomly, like a dream with no clear cause?

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, shree said:

If you did, could you still have a bad trip?

Yes

1 minute ago, shree said:

can they arise randomly

Yes

[Norbert Somogyi]

42 minutes ago, Vynce said:

What mechanism in our human body would create any kind of energy that is intrinsically damaging? What kind of socerery is this?

Send me his og text, or I'll won't trust anything that comes out of your poisoned mouth.

It's not like psychedelics are far from sorcery. Dealing with compounds and energies not exactly natural to the human body.

[shree]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Yes

I assume that the intensity of a possible bad trip also gets much higher as realizations get deeper.

Is that also true?

[Leo Gura]

36 minutes ago, shree said:

I assume that the intensity of a possible bad trip also gets much higher as realizations get deeper.

Is that also true?

That's dubious.

Higher doses yes.

The really bad trips come from overly high doses.

Edited Tuesday at 06:15 PM by Leo Gura

[Salvijus]

1 hour ago, Norbert Somogyi said:

 

Cool. I think that happens when you have blocked meridians and too much energy. Next step would be learning kamehameha 💪

Edited Tuesday at 06:45 PM by Salvijus

[Osaid]

12 hours ago, Xam said:

But the problem is that this feeling is persisting even long after the trip and I am a bit worried what is happening to me.

It's beliefs (about yourself) brought to the surface by the psychedelics, and therein how the beliefs feel (emotion). All assumptions and ideas about what you are, are felt as real, because you are all that is real.

The "problem" is quite literally just the idea that there is a problem, and all the resulting memories and stories you have to justify it.

Truth, or reality, is what is already the case prior to anything, and so it is completely effortless and non-resistant because you don't need anything to "get there". Any ideas otherwise would feel "off", or "resistant", to that which is already the case (like being miserable).

Resistance requires two, whereas there is only the truth and the reality that you are, and nothing other than it.

12 hours ago, Xam said:

So I am really looking for help how to integrate this experience and how to deal with the depressive feelings.

Sit with feeling (meditation). Let it completely "pass through you". Don't "deal with it", just allow yourself to feel it without moving away from it. Don't judge it or reason with it, just look at what is already the case.

It is more so the desire to "solve" or "run away" from feeling which is itself the feeling (of being miserable). "Miserable" is the idea that you need to fix something or solve something about yourself. "How do I fix being miserable" is like the same idea x2. Don't get caught up in "that". Reality could not know any such thing, as it would be other than it.

Edited Tuesday at 09:37 PM by Osaid