Getting sexually objectified as a man

[Consept]

1 hour ago, Princess Arabia said:

I'm not dismissing that you genuinely felt objectified. You mentioned the story about your uncle and the chain so it shows we can feel objectified in ways that are not sexual. Maybe you want to be seen by everyone as more than just a physical body and people keep reducing you to that and it becomes frustrating. The women's actions was maybe a reminder of that and you take offence because you want to be seen more than it. Like you're not taken seriously for who you actually are internally. These are just symptoms for of what's really going on internally. Mentioning the uncle and the chain, and how this conversation brought those memories back to light, made me believe that's whats really going on.

I wouldnt say people keep reducing me to my physical body, I think generally im seen as more than that, even when it does happen as in if a woman is flirting with me or whatever im open to play with the dynamic even if im not attracted to the woman. In fact when i first joined this club i would flirt a little bit or at least respond positively, in just never crossed a certain line. I'm pretty strong internally and generally i get respect from a lot of people, i think what jars me is when you get reduced to that level by people that supposedly know you, it feels kinda underhanded, as they presented one way but really felt a different way about you. I'm also sensitive to when it happens to other people I dont really tolerate any racism around me no matter who its aimed at for example. The stuff with my uncle is representative of that because, hes supposed to know me. People in general it doesnt bother me. 

1 hour ago, integral said:

I think you care a lot about people viewing you as you’re true authentic self and don’t like the flexibility of role-play?

I mean i prefer for people to view me as my authentic self but its not something i can control. I think I do like the flexibility of role-play but the issue is im not in on most of this joke, theres literally a group chat im not involved where theyve shown pictures of me or talked about my dick, im not in on any of this so i didnt even have the chance to role play. I have flirted with some of them before but i just didnt realise the extent of what they were doing. 

1 hour ago, Princess Arabia said:

Personally, it doesn't bother me, and I accept that I can see it however I choose and that it's how I see it that brings about the feeling. As long as a boundary wasn't crossed where it got physical, i don't let it bother me. You have every right to feel how you feel and i'm just expressing my thoughts on it from my personal pov. Maybe because i've gotten desensitized by it and it has become the norm, but don't think i'm not empathetic towards your feelings about it. It's wrong from both sides.

OK fair enough, yeah im not in any kind of sex industry or put my body out there on social media so its not something I actively encourage, so potentially having the experience out of nowhere could be why it affected me. There is probably the racial element as well that gets to me, that does make my blood boil in general. 

 

1 hour ago, Princess Arabia said:

This is why I don't put people up on a pedestal or look down on them. Disappointment is inevitable both ways. I see it as I set my own boundaries and as long as they're not crossed, I'm ok. The disappointment has now become about your expectations of people and how you would like to see them. If you dig deep inside yourself, you'll realize you're more disappointed in yourself for the standards you've set for others.

theres no standard i set that allowed them or gave them permission to act like this, its just who they are and i guess in a way i shouldve expected something like this or not been that surprised. On the flip i have met some really good people through the club that actually surprised me the other way, so i guess just listen to my instincts about people more. 

[meta_male]

1 hour ago, Princess Arabia said:

This is why I don't put people up on a pedestal or look down on them. Disappointment is inevitable both ways.

Wise words.

[Princess Arabia]

23 minutes ago, meta_male said:

Wise words.

Yes, from experience. 

[Princess Arabia]

28 minutes ago, Consept said:

im not in any kind of sex industry or put my body out there on social media so its not something I actively encourage, so potentially having the experience out of nowhere could be why it affected me.

I was being more sexually objectified as a teenager and young adult. Now I'm being more sexually objectified just from walking down the street. Being a stripper doesn't count because it's counter-productive if one feels sexually objectified then. One doesn't tell their about-to-be-sexual companion that they're about to sexually objectify them. Feeling sexually objectified usually comes about when the circumstances aren't sexual in nature and one feels violated at the time. My type of work has nothing to do with why I said "desensitized" because I don't, and never saw it as objectification. Like I said, to me, one feels violated and that defeats the purpose of adult work or even putting sexually explicit pics online.

One doesn't have to encourage this behavior to feel that way and that's usually where the uncomfortable feeling of being objectified stems from. If it was an encouraged thing, then the phrase "sexually objectified" wouldn't even be a thing and those feelings wouldn't emerge. One would feel more sexually gratified.

[Princess Arabia]

44 minutes ago, Consept said:

There is probably the racial element as well that gets to me, that does make my blood boil in general. 

I'm starting to learn and understand that I have to be careful how I project my own beliefs unto the world. Sometimes it's my own thoughts I'm projecting unto others and could be wrong about how I perceive them. If it's very obvious that it's racially motivated, then I turn it around and just tell myself it's coming from ignorance and that they're also projecting from a belief. It's not true and doesn't need to make me upset because that means i believe in what they're saying or even that there's a possibility that it could be true. 

 

[Consept]

17 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

I was being more sexually objectified as a teenager and young adult. Now I'm being more sexually objectified just from walking down the street. Being a stripper doesn't count because it's counter-productive if one feels sexually objectified then. One doesn't tell their about-to-be-sexual companion that they're about to sexually objectify them. Feeling sexually objectified usually comes about when the circumstances aren't sexual in nature and one feels violated at the time. My type of work has nothing to do with why I said "desensitized" because I don't, and never saw it as objectification. Like I said, to me, one feels violated and that defeats the purpose of adult work or even putting sexually explicit pics online.

One doesn't have to encourage this behavior to feel that way and that's usually where the uncomfortable feeling of being objectified stems from. If it was an encouraged thing, then the phrase "sexually objectified" wouldn't even be a thing and those feelings wouldn't emerge. One would feel more sexually gratified.

I agree with you here

2 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

I'm starting to learn and understand that I have to be careful how I project my own beliefs unto the world. Sometimes it's my own thoughts I'm projecting unto others and could be wrong about how I perceive them. If it's very obvious that it's racially motivated, then I turn it around and just tell myself it's coming from ignorance and that they're also projecting from a belief. It's not true and doesn't need to make me upset because that means i believe in what they're saying or even that there's a possibility that it could be true. 

 

Yeah I do sometimes feel like you project, thats not a dig at you just an observation, but i also appreciate your input. With the racism i think its easier to let it go with people you dont know, although it still does annoy me but I can put it down to ignorance. I think specifically for me its when the people know me but still come out with some racism conscious or otherwise. I do find it jarring, I dont know if thats something i want to learn to accept because i think it is good to speak up when something isnt right. At the same time i dont want to be someone whos looking for racism everywhere, which i dont think i do, but possibly i have done previously 

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, Consept said:

I dont know if thats something i want to learn to accept because i think it is good to speak up when something isnt right

Yes, I'm the same way also. I'm not saying to accept it though, more to understand where it's coming from.

[Tenebroso]

Better than being invisible

[OmniNaut]

50 minutes ago, Tenebroso said:

Better than being invisible

You're not invisible too me bro.

To be seen or heard is such a basic need. To be denied that can make life really hard.

[Lila9]

Objectification sucks regardless of gender.

Very few humans want to feel like an object. Some men love to argue that women love to be objectified. It only shows that they have never been objectified.

Some people condition themselves to look in a way that makes others objectify them, until someone really objectifies them and then they're like: "Shit... this isn't nice. Is it?" They feel small.

I am sorry that you went through that, but luckily it seems that you can handle this well and that there is no physical threat to you.

As a woman, I can say that I have experienced much worse things with an immediate threat to my body and safety, from men of all ages.

There was no year without objectification in my life, since the age of 10 or 11 at least.

And I got so used to it that I no longer give a shit.

I just accept it as a tragic part of being a woman.

Someone will objectify you, fetishize you, dehumanize you, or overly sexualize you in some distorted way, no matter where you are and no matter what you wear. As a woman, you should expect that and handle it the best you can. The safest way for a woman is often to just ignore it.

[Raze]

1 hour ago, Lila9 said:

Objectification sucks regardless of gender.

Very few humans want to feel like an object. Some men love to argue that women love to be objectified. It only shows that they have never been objectified.

Not necessarily, some examples of objectification are popular. When women say they want men who pay for dates and provide to be given a chance, that is an example of objectification as they are asking to be paid for like one pays for an object. 

[Princess Arabia]

14 minutes ago, Raze said:

Not necessarily, some examples of objectification are popular. When women say they want men who pay for dates and provide to be given a chance, that is an example of objectification as they are asking to be paid for like one pays for an object. 

The body is an object. It's being used to generate feelings. There's no difference paying for a car and paying for a body but only the meaning given to it. You're objectifying everyday using other people's bodies. Just maybe not for a feeling of sexual gratification. Were actually paying for a feeling.