I've been feeling the need to express this part of myself to the forum for a while now. That is: I am transgender. Over the last three years, I underwent a transition from female to male. I transitioned physically, then legally, then socially. I was two years into my physical transition before I chose my name and changed pronouns. I made everything official before making it social, which isn't the usual process. But I'm not a usual person. Deciding on my name and on the transition itself were the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life. It was a very difficult process, as my gender identity never felt crystal clear. I've never felt female, but I've never felt fully male either. All I knew, since I was a 6-year-old child, was that being born in a masculine body would have been right for me, and that being in a female body was not. I wanted a male-born body, but no amount of transition could ever give me that. So it proved incredibly difficult for me to accept something I never wanted to be: a transgender person. I didn't feel at peace with the idea of living for the rest of my life as a woman, but I also didn't feel at peace with the idea of being transgender. In all honesty, I hated it, wholeheartedly. And with so much immaturity and hatred in this world around the trans issue, reaching acceptance and peace with it, especially when one is directly involved, is made even harder. But I reached a point where I couldn't continue to live as a woman. It was too incongruent to who I truly was. My body was a stranger to me. I couldn't hear myself speak with this feminine voice I had, I didn't recognize my face in the mirror, and I couldn't stand the shadow of my chest that never fully disappeared, despite all the uncomfortable binding. The disconnection between my mind and my body only grew stronger as the years went by. The last years before trantitioning were some of the hardest of my life, as I became desperate to appear as the person I wanted to be, all the while knowing that I never truly could without surgery, hormonal therapy, and significant legal changes. Still, I was afraid of making the wrong decision. What if living as a woman was still a better option, not to have to deal with an awkward social transition and the reality of a body that could never be cisgender? Starting hormonal therapy was difficult, going through surgery was difficult, changing my name and pronouns was difficult. Yet, I highly needed each change. Each of them helped me begin to reconnect with myself, slowly rebuilding the bridge between my mind and my body, leading me towards deeper peace in my own incarnation. It is important for me to share this, as I want to be seen for who I truly am. I am very different from the majority of men for this very serious reason: I grew up and lived as a woman for 27 years, even though I never felt like one. This is fundamental to who I am today. This part of my identity will always be within me and deeply shapes my psyche. I now feel fully at peace with my new name, my new pronouns, and my new body. I know now that it was the right decision. I needed it to be myself. I needed the appearance of a male to feel at home in my body. But I will never feel like a cisgender man, just as I could never have felt like a cisgender woman. Agender is the word that truly matches my inner feelings, despite my strong preference for a male presentation. It's been exactly one year today since my gender and name officially changed, on April 15, 2024. This forum was my first ever social experience using a male identity, back in late 2023. Clarence was supposed to be my official name, but it didn’t pass the test in French. I finally found another name that I love and that fits my personality just as perfectly. It required over five years for me to find it. I'm relieved to be where I am today. It was a very tough process and I'm glad it is over. I'm finally free to be myself. Thank you to all who took the time to read, and thank you to @Leo Gura for creating and sustaining this place. This forum has been — and continues to be — very important to my own journey. I'll leave you with three pictures of me: one from my childhood, one from my teenage years, and one as the adult I now am. For images can express even deeper layers of truth.