Leo and all the other members, I need your advice pls.

[Av2521]

So, this is my situation right now:

Im 28 years old, living with my mom and siblings, working a full-time job at my college, where I graduated (did my Masters till I was 27 and this is basically my first job).

The last decade I was busy with trying to figure out myself and life. I was into personal development, spirituality, reading, meditating, very interested in building a business, gym, and trying to find my passions and a life purpose. Besides that I did build some good friendships.

I was also battling with some depressive episodes. But Im stable now. I did pull myself out there without therapy or medication.

After all the trying, thinking and contemplation I basically came to the conclusion that I just want a normal life, especially have a woman on my side and have my own children. Religion is also really important for me, but not the traditional Tier 1, rather a Tier 2 or Tier 3 kind of religion. I found/created that for myself. Also I don’t need a life purpose and Im not really interested in finding my passions (tried that enough). I just want to work a stable, enjoyable job and Im not really interested in having a great career, my ambitions are quite low to be honest.

Dating wise I really never tried hard enough. I never approached a girl in my life and I only had like one max. two dates so far. Here and there I tried to invite a girl to a date, but without success. Im also still a virgin.

Im a decent looking dude, tall with a lean figure.

So as you can see the dating area will be my main focus now, all the other things I figured out mostly.

Im living in a town in Germany with 65k people livin there. My job contract will end at the beginning of next year and this will be a good opportunity to move to a bigger city (there is a city close to my town with 800k people and I could also move to a city with about 3.7 million people, but its much further away from the town Im currently living in).

Also I did a professional photo shoot last week to try Online-Dating in my town.

So I really need your advice here guys: What shall I do as my next step?

Thanks for your replies. I really appreciate it.

[Ulax]

Imo moving out and getting a place of your own would be a growing experience for ya mate

[Rishabh R]

@Av2521 Talking to women whom you find attractive. Only approach those women whom you are attracted to. You will improve as you have already conquered depressive episodes without therapy or medication which is a big thing in itself. 

[meta_male]

@Av2521  I’d say for dating, you don’t need to become some pickup artist or anything like that. Just start getting used to talking to women in everyday situations, shops, cafés, events or whatever. Not to get numbers or anything, just to get comfortable with real life interactions. If that kind of thing works here in Switzerland, I’m sure it works in Germany too.

And even though you’re not chasing some life purpose anymore, having something you enjoy doing, like a hobby or project you can dive into, makes a lot of other things easier. You meet people more naturally that way and it gives your days a bit more momentum too. So I wouldn't completely close the door on the passion thing, although I can understand you've made it this far without one which is completely valid.

[JosephKnecht]

1 hour ago, Av2521 said:

So I really need your advice here guys: What shall I do as my next step?

 

You need to find your big boy pants and become an adult. 

Stop asking random people on a forum what to do with your life. 

You know yourself much better than anyone else knows you. 

Only you know the right move for you.

Take ownership of your actions. That is what women want. 

Good luck  

[Michael569]

I think you already kinda hinted at what the next step should be.

1 hour ago, Av2521 said:

My job contract will end at the beginning of next year and this will be a good opportunity to move to a bigger city

^ 

Moving away from your parents house is essential for your dating life and relationships. Your girlfriend will want to see that you are sorting your life and have moved on. She'll want to see that you are taking ownership, paying your rent, your bills, working on a career, managing finances well, taking care of your body. 

But I think it starts by separating yourself from your home nest which it sounds like you're already prepared to do

[Leo Gura]

Research and visit the biggest cities in Germany and/or beyond. Find the one with the best nightlife and social scene. Then move there.

Try online dating too. Online dating will work much better in a big city.

[Lyubov]

I agree with Leo, I would move to Berlin or a bigger city there. Small towns are very challenging to build leverage in or get enough exposure to meet a woman you want to be with. It’s possible but I would say not when starting out. Go to a big city and get experience. 

[Aaron p]

34 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

move to Berlin

^

[nerdspeak]

Realistically you should just get decent at app-driven dating, which requires a big market, ie, a big city as others have said (it’s like any kind of online advertising). Get good photos and buy boosts. 

I found Berlin to be okay for online dating. France was much better, especially Lille for some reason. Brussels and Amsterdam were also good. 

[Starlight321]

 

If it's the big city in the Main area than there is a lot of good opportunity to do pick up and also in the major cities with universities around it. Berlin is has also great opportunities. 

Edited Monday at 07:27 PM by Starlight321

[LordFall]

Why is purpose not important for you? You mean that you've tried and gave up or that there's nothing much you'd like to change about the world you just want to exist and get some sex/companionship?

Definitely move to the biggest city and experience life, if you've just been in school you don't much about the world. Try to at least find fun hobbies if you don't have fun or adventure in your life you won't be very attractive to women. 

[Av2521]

@meta_male Thanks for the advice. There are things in life that I enjoy doing, but I stopped searching for passions and life purposes. Also I figured out that I am happy without them. If I find some passions or a "life purpose" in the future great, but if not, then that would also be fine.

 

[Av2521]

@Leo Gura Yeah as long as I am in my home town, I try Online-Dating here. I try to make the best out of the current situation, although its pretty difficult.

Yeah I thought about moving to Berlin. It has great night life and a good social scene. I would live there for a couple of years, learn dating and then get back to the city with 800k people close to me. (because of family and friends). And if I havent found a gf in Berlin, I could use the experience to try it in the big city close to me. What do you think about the plan. Are a few years of inital practice enough? Thanks Leo.

[Av2521]

@LyubovThank you. Yeah I planned to move to Berlin, but after a couple of years return to this other city close to me (800k population). Do you think its a good plan?

[Av2521]

@Starlight321 Do you think a city with 800 k people is enough for practice?

[Av2521]

@LordFall Okay thanks for the advice. I tried finding a life purpose, but after all the years I gave up on that. Sure I somehow want to change things in the world, but I dont have an extreme urge to do that.

[meta_male]

13 hours ago, Av2521 said:

@meta_male Thanks for the advice. There are things in life that I enjoy doing, but I stopped searching for passions and life purposes. Also I figured out that I am happy without them. If I find some passions or a "life purpose" in the future great, but if not, then that would also be fine.

This actually sounds like a very grounded and healthy mindset you have. Just living a good, steady life is way underrated anyway. All the best with everything ahead, hope the move goes well!