Holy Shit, I'm Terrified of Death

[Oppositionless]

I've been doing Survival, not Spitituality. My entire journey up until this point has been to live forever. That's all I've ever wanted , to be eternally. Now I need to deconstruct that by dying. I must die. I absolutely must die . Pure nothingness . My entire life up until this point has been pure ego, pure selfishness, and pure delusion. I absolutely must die asap.

 

this is my dilemma 

a lifetime of misery 

Or

this me dies and I actually start living in a way that isn't deluded .

I need to find a way out of this cycle .

Edited Monday at 02:08 AM by Oppositionless

[Salvijus]

The only way to die is to live fully 

[BlueOak]

Let go of the misery and pain you are clinging to, for whatever reason. 

[Breakingthewall]

Death is the truth. Total liberation. It's as if life were a job, and death were freedom. Individuality is a prison, but the prisoner ultimately loves the prison and hates freedom.

The total being cannot be thought, since it is unlimited; it is another dimension of being that doesn't fit in the mind. It is absolute freedom, perfection, what you seek without knowing it. There is nothing to fear; we have to do the work of life to the fullest, and then the totality.

[Someone here]

Die before you die and you shall never die .

[Princess Arabia]

This is like saying "holy shit, I'm terrified of sleep". No one knows they're asleep, just as no one will know they're dead. The delusion is you thinking there's a you to die.

[Hojo]

I experienced something like it. I had drank too much alcohol and was vomiting. Reality was looping the same 5 seconds over and over everytime I vomited was like I was being sucks down into my stomach. It felt exactly like when neo left the matrix and it zoomed down his throat. I also knew something happened unlike what princess is saying I think you will know when you are dead. Or you will know something has changed.

Edited Monday at 01:26 PM by Hojo

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, Hojo said:

I think you will know when you are dead

Ok. I won't take that away from you. Soothe the soul, my dear.

[Hojo]

@Princess Arabia you have bodies that are not physical. Its not just me saying it the ancients are.

Edited Monday at 01:32 PM by Hojo

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@Princess Arabia you have bodies that are physical. Its not just me saying it the ancients are.

Well, the ancients are dead. Since they know they're dead, ask them.

Edited Monday at 01:34 PM by Princess Arabia

[Hojo]

@Princess Arabia I did through what they wrote down when they came back and wrote it down and told everyone. This is not the only dimension you 'don't exist in.'

Edited Monday at 01:37 PM by Hojo

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Hojo said:

@Princess Arabia I did through what they wrote down when they came back and wrote it down.

lol, ok. Let's smoke some of that shit together.

[Hojo]

@Princess Arabia neo advitan drone.

[Someone here]

Live your life right now.  and worry about death when it comes.

That's literally all there is to it .that's all you can do . Anything else is bullshit. 

[Hojo]

Death is not the end. Its just a time out so you can respawn. You lose nothing you dont have already.

[Oppositionless]

I'm in a cycle that feels unbreakable without a full blown death and rebirth experience. I can't stop making the wrong decisions constantly, so I've decided it's time to do 5 meo dmt. I'm ready, I need a new operating system.

[kavaris]

lol, careful not to conflate death as an opposite of life, cause death is more a quality that you experience within life, before you ever experience new life.

[Yimpa]

12 minutes ago, Oppositionless said:

I've decided it's time to do 5 meo dmt. I'm ready, I need a new operating system.

Sweet, you might find my journal entry below useful on your journey. 

Enjoy (and, yay, my 13,000th post on the forum!)

⬇️⬇️⬇️
 

On 4/13/2025 at 1:45 PM, Yimpa said:

During my first ventures into serious psychedelic work, I noted this revelation amid a profound experience:

Quote

Hired a new CEO for my brain.

Such a deceptively simple statement, yet it carries immense truth. The metaphor proves apt, though incomplete. The installation of new leadership doesn't instantly transform an organization's destructive culture. Rather, this new executive assumes the mantle with clear vision and determination to address the dysfunction.

This internal CEO possesses extraordinary perception—able to identify self-deception carefully hidden within the neural corp. The process of confronting these entrenched corruptions are existentially threatening, striking at the very foundation of the constructed self. Yet this courageous examination, however uncomfortable, represents the essential pathway toward genuine healing.

The restructuring of consciousness doesn't happen once and it's over. No, it requires sustained determination, compassion, and commitment to integrity as the new leadership works systematically through layers of accumulated distortion. The psychedelic experience doesn't merely solve problems—it illuminates the machinery that created them, offering a revolutionary perspective from which true transformation not only becomes possible, but also inevitable.

 

[Breakingthewall]

3 hours ago, Oppositionless said:

I'm in a cycle that feels unbreakable without a full blown death and rebirth experience. I can't stop making the wrong decisions constantly, so I've decided it's time to do 5 meo dmt. I'm ready, I need a new operating system.

If you do 5meo until a breakthrough is something normal for you, the structure of your mind, the energetic fields that make your mind be as it is, is going to change. 

Edited Monday at 10:22 PM by Breakingthewall

[VeganAwake]

19 hours ago, Hojo said:

@Princess Arabia neo advitan drone.

Wow