Should I Hang Out With People?

[Jordan wang]

I want to be an entrepreneur, and there are two qualities of entrepreneurs:

1, they develop themselves to the highest level

2, they are really social, talk to almost everyone, and therefore can find the people resources when they need to

I live in university residence where everyone knows everyone. Whenever we eat food, we eat it together, and we usually have a conversation while doing it. (which usually takes an hour)

It is a waste of time, really. I rather be doing more important things than to have a conversation with someone who I don't even want to be friends with for an hour.

Therefore, I start to cut the conversations short and avoiding people in the Dining hall.

Which made me loose friends, and now I go to the dining hall I feel fucking lonely because I am eating breakfast all by myself, while the others are in a group. 

I don't want to hang out with them because they party and do a lot of useless shit. Most of them I don't even want to be friends with because they have no ambition.

But I also don't want to be lonely.

if I don't talk to them, I can spend the time that I saved really well and really productively. (I have a tons of things on my waiting list which I want to do)

But that would make me have little friends... IN the residence.

I know that I have to make a lot of friends and have a lot of connections as an entrepreneur, but should I make friends with everyone? OR should I just make friends with the high achievers? (which is what I've been trying to do in the past)

Can anyone give me advice and guidance?

 

Jordan wang

[Tony19]

Yes, it would certainly help if you hang out with high achievers and learn from them. There is no purpose in wasting time with people who are not getting you towards your ultimate goals.

[AndreiC]

I had this problem too basically I chose to live as a recluse through college, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

Friendship is beyond your agenda, targeting a certain type of people will not work. Just be open with everyone and people you resonate with will remain your friends others not.

Considering you mention you don't like the subjects they talk about, my guess is you need to work a bit on your social skills. A conversation subject is something you also can pick. Draw the conversation in your area of interest see what happens, you will find people that have similar interests eventually.

 

Coming back to your goal and achievers. Avoid the deception that achievers in University are by default the people you need to be friends with. It's not true, especially as an entrepreneur you will have to deal with all sorts of people, with all sorts of backgrounds. You need to be able to effectively communicate with people who never went to University, outcasts, artists whatever. An entrepreneur just like his company needs to unite his team, deal with subcontractors and charm his clients.

Start reading books, talk to people about things you are passionate about and see how it goes from there.

[Jordan wang]

@AndreiC I know, what you've said totally makes sense. But the thing is: If I hang out with them, that would give me less time to do what I want. (such as reading a useful book, or completing my ultimate life purpose course)

Everyone only have so much time. And for someone who just have so many goals like me, I don't know how to use my time properly to generate the most progress.

By the way my social skills are not bad, I just don't see any value in talking to some people.

[AndreiC]

@Jordan wang Depends what you define as hanging out I suppose.

You don't need to spend all your time with other people, of course other things can be more important. But from avoiding people in the dining hall, to needing some time for yourself I would say there's a bit a difference.

Maybe you shouldn't try to find some magic rule to go by in these things and decide on each situation as it appears. If you're talking about 10-15 minutes interactions those won't make or break your schedule. If you feel obliged to spend your nights with someone you talked to for a few minutes at lunch, maybe that's the issue. 

Either way, there is balance to be found and you can do it. 

 

[Nahm]

@Jordan wang  I work in a field of agents who are all independent sales contractors and you'll be happy to know that extroverts are successful, and some introverts even more so. Being social and having a solid network is a key to success, for sure. Hiring people who are social and have networks is better by the multiple of the number of people you hire. 

You're a thinker, strategist. You want to know how things work. How people work. How matter works. You're not a Superman out there in the streets and on the news. Your Batman, running smart, covert, a preparer - behind the scenes-. Am I right?

Continue your PD. Invest in a franchise, or work your way up through management at any company. Use your PD to help your employee's. Be the boss you want to have.  I bet that's been in you for a long time and you know what I'm talking about. Insurance, Real Estate, fast food, factories, corporations, it doesn't matter where. It's all about people and you're going to learn a lot about yourself while you really help a lot of people. 

Also, friends wise...you are the universe, so is everyone else. See the God in everyone. Feel God looking through your eyes. The universe and everyone are your friends. After college, in terms of business and networking, Facebook is good enough. Business needs take huge precedence over friend circles and social statuses. That shit literally disappears. You will need to buy something at your company, and someone else needs to sell it. No worries. 

 

When you can sit with someone you don't know for a lunch hour and genuinely be fascinated by them, you will be someone that people will line up to work for. Not because your social or extroverted, but because you learned how to see. And effort will have nothing to do with it. 

[SLICKHAWK]

Want want want. Have nothing only false things.

Have you to offer? Or things that just your reality.?

Find peace in one. Our iam us one.

Light love. Live love. 

 

[dropthehat]

I do not know a lot of these matters, but I have tried combating the same thing, being an extreme introvert and having no interest in talking to some people.

As soon as I started seeing those interactions as a challenge of growth, they felt more meaningful and not as tedious. The topics of the conversations do not seem as relevant anymore, yet I still learn something new every time. Meditation and this mindset of constant growth has helped me bring light to a lot of different things about myself that I still need to work on, for example negative assumptions about people, stereotyping, being emotionally unavailable and unable to relax in social situations.

Here are a few ideas that worked for me and you might want to try out:

• Listen to other people and try to understand their point of view. Try to let go of the need to control the flow of the conversation, just observe.
• If you really want to talk about something specific, try to bring it up. It's okay if you can't talk about these things with everyone you meet.
• Everyone has something to offer on some level, but if you feel it's not worth the time to dig deep for it, you might have an easier time just eating alone and having interesting conversations elsewhere.

 

[Hungry for Truth]

@Jordan wang We are pretty much in the same position my friend. I have 2 years in college and still i haven't found meaningful relationships to develop. Let me tell you what has helped me. First, relax. Realize that everything is fine the way it is. If you feel lonely, let that be. Don't try to hide it by suppressing it. It will make it worse. Everytime you suppress any emotion or thought, it conditions your karmic structure which is responsible for your inner freedom and this freedom is responsible for your ability to create your destiny. This is crucial as an entrepeneur. Only if you have no inner limitations, you are able to fully be, go and do whatever the heck you want. Now, everytime that any emotion appears, negative or positive, just feel it (observe it with total attention). When you do this, everything inside is under the light of your consciousness and no darkness can resist it. All negativity immediately evaporates as you simply surrender to the feeling. You need to slow down your karma by being calm and relaxing to everything. After a period of time, you will be able to enter meditation more easily. This is what you want, to live in meditation. When you meditate, your inner space increases and you enter aloneness, which is the opposite of loneliness. You can be with others and still feel lonely. But, when you are in meditation, you can be with others or alone by yourself and still be with yourself. An entrepeneur needs to be alone by himself in order to have the least influence possible, especially when its not of growth. If you are pure consciousness, who is it that is saying i feel lonely? Don't answer, just observe that with all your senses and attention, in pure silence. The answer won't be said, it will be revealed. So, after doing this process, i can agree with you. Just develop meaningful relationships with high-achievers as a goal you may have, but wait, don't limit yourself to this. Everyone has something to offer, even the most ignorant. Why do you only want to be with high-achievers? Question everything in your life, your BELIEFS, relationships, actions, standards, preferences, personality and your outer image as an entrepeneur (this is to self-actualize), destroy all delusions. This has been the most powerul tool after meditation in my life. Question this and see if you are judging others and distorting your perception by only seeing others as capable or incapable. Don't blur your vision with this. You need total clarity which is far more important and powerful than confidence. For example, if one has clarity in knowing that one doesn't know what to do in life (life-purpose), thats perfectly okay. You are being honest to that truth. But if instead, one rejects this intuitive truth and chooses to do something else in total confidence, one is going to miss life. It is going to be a total waste of time, energy and maybe even money. This is how important clarity of vision is in everything. If you want to make the best decisions, you need to see all possibilities by including all of reality. This doesn't mean you need to be with everyone, just watch your judgement. This is also crucial in business.  My final advice as a college student, if you want to do business, at least develop a short  distance relationship with all the people you can. It can be a Hello and Goodbye relationship. Make sure that person knows you exist, so maaaybe in the future, it can be an option for you. But, don't feel forced to do this, only when you want to. Remember that doing business is not just about working with those i like, but to work with those i dislike aswell. That's why its called business, exclude emotions which are subjective and ancher on your intelligence which is objective. Working with others is easily done when having devotion and unconditional love, which is a result of higher-consciousness, which is a result of meditation. Enlightenment is the way for an unstoppable entrepeneur. Hope this helps, stay hungry

[Jordan wang]

@Hungry for Truth The reason why I want to only hang-out with high achievers is because of "the rule of five" (is this what they call it?)

you are the average of the five people that you hang out with. There are a lot of losers in my life, I live in SFU residence, and in the summer, pretty much everyone is international. Everyone smokes weed, cigarette, drinks, and parties. No one is into self-development. 

In a situation like this, I would rather spend time by myself self-developing until the good group of people come in the fall, people worth socializing with.

I don't know, am I judging them too much? the international kids.

Because of the rule of five, rather than hangout with a bunch of losers and become a loser myself, I would rather be alone and do my own thing.

Is this the right move?

[RossE]

@Jordan wang I think if you're looking for people into heavy PD to be friends with, you're going to be looking for a while. Not many people are.

My approach to friendships is not to take them too seriously. I have my meditation habit, my spiritual leanings and my open-minded approach while my friends are usually hard nosed scientists, quite success oriented and very mainstream. There's still a lot of common ground between us though, and a lot to learn from them despite what I may think about mainstream people. I go drinking and partying with them, I smoke weed occasionally and I'm heavy into PD by comparison, so don't let that be your barometer.

Just chat to people and don't take it too seriously. If you feel a connection, let the friendship grow and weave into new places. If you seriously grow, you're going to be out on your own for the rest of your life. Despite that, there's a balance between being a loner with no friends and nobody to learn from, and somebody who needs friendships for approval and to feel important. There's no easy answer but to find what balance is right for you and who fulfills that balance.

[Jordan wang]

@RossE seeing your point of view inspires me. But I need to question it, (not saying that I disaproves it though)

1, if you go out, party and smoke weed, don't you feel like you have something better to do while you are doing it? Like you could be doing something that contributes to your life purpose right now, but instead you are just entertaining yourself.

2, I am a really goal oriented person, I don't like to sit around and see life take me to places. I feel like it's the same with friendship, I don't want to just develop random friendships and see it take me to places. Besides I don't even know what those places are. (I much rather just work hard and feel a sense of control over my life)

3, You talked about being a loner. Well supposedly, If I meditate, and do enough inner work. I will fulfill myself from the inside, I will become so strong on the inside, that even if I am alone, I wouldn't feel lonely. I would be happy all the time, and no matter what other people do, they wouldn't hurt me, because I am aligned with myself, I don't have any inner conflicts.

That is the state that I am trying to achieve, I don't mind being alone for a while, I just want to get stronger on the inside. And that will protect me like a bullet vest.

[RossE]

@Jordan wang Oh yeah, I know that I could be doing better things with my time, it's like a cheap form of entertainment for me! But you can still live in alignment with your values and do those things once in a while. I still live in accordance with "truth" I've experienced no matter how many beers I've had, it doesn't leave.

This depth of PD is quite paradoxical. You must take action but allow the rewards to come to you while you do not need the rewards to be happy. You must have friendships simply because they are generally desirable, not because you need them. But yes, you will need to develop to a stage where you need nothing to be happy.  I can't give you all the answers my man, certainly not on an Internet forum