Do you love your parents?

[jacknine119]

I exactly know that they made their best. But they live unconscious life and I don't feel good around them, also as Leo said family is not right value. So I am avoiding to communicate with them. But I am afraid that it is not right and I will regret it. What do you think?

[BlueOak]

My life is infinitely better with no interaction with my narcissistic, belligerent, abusive father, who brings misery to everyone he spends time with.

My life is infinitely sadder with no or less interaction with my caring, kind mother, who never deserved the end she got, stuck indoors in a bed or chair after decades of helping everyone around her.

My grandfather had a dry, sarcastic humor and we argued sometimes, but he was somewhat of a father figure to me and someone I miss having in my life.

My brother does opiates; he's a charismatic, kind person unless he needs his dose, then he'll manipulate anyone and everyone to get it. So I see him but don't go out of my way to get entangled in his life.

There is no answer to your question, other than it is what it is to you.

[OmniNaut]

Yes, but it was a journey to come to that conclusion.

Here in the Philippines one artist encapsulated it perfectly.

Original:

 

Lyrics (translated):

The day you were born to this world

Your parents were full of joy

And their arms are your light

 

And your mother and father

Worries and don't know what to do

Watches over you even in your sleep

 

And in the night, a sleepless night, your mother

Is still awake to prepare your milk

 

And in the morning you are in the laps

Of your father, who is so joyful because of you

 

Now you are all grown up

You desire to be independent

Even if your parent forbid, they can't stop you

 

Isn't it you that changed a lot

Disobeyed them, remained stubborn

And you did not follow their advice

 

You did not took the time

To think about all the things they've done for you

 

For you desire, only what is pleasurable

You just ignored them

 

And the days has past

And you took a wrong turn in life

You are imprisoned in a horrible vice

 

And you first approach

Your dear crying mother

And asked "Child, what happened to you?"

 

And your eyes immediately shed tears

Without you noticing

 

Regretful and you realized

That you were at fault

[gambler]

I love my parents 

[Basman]

Your top values should be more aspirational and noble relative to the world. It's all about the impact you want to have on the world and family isn't "the world". That doesn't mean you can't value family in the general sense. Who doesn't.

That said, I do love my parents. I wish I could buy them their retirement.

[LambdaDelta]

I do, relatively speaking they've done a great job at parenting. I see how insanely difficult it is to be a good parent, it's one of the 'storylines' one can pick in this love simulator of a life, a route underappreciated in many spiritual circles. But precisely I set the standards for myself so high, I won't ever be a parent. Even slight missteps can traumatize the child in very subtle ways, I've accidentally done trauma release work on trauma I never thought I had as I'm very psychologically stable. 

What worries me though is their growing dependence on me. Sometimes it's an annoyance but it's a burden I'm comfortable bearing. But if something were to happen to me they'd be basically helpless. Mom wouldn't know any of her login credentials or IDs for govt. administrations, dad wouldn't get any help with documents, my brother wouldn't have anyone to borrow money from... So I always try to promote independent thinking and action, teaching to fish basically, but most times it falls on deaf ears. Quite the dillema to navigate. 

[Tenebroso]

Not really. They broke up shortly after I was born and I am not enjoying life. I increasingly feel life is not worth living, so I resent them for bringing into the world through the vessel of a loveless relationship with no real ability to help or teach me anything.

[Hojo]

My parents divorce when I was 4. My father a dead beat thief and my mother a raging lunatic from stress. She would scream all the time I felt like I had to walk on eggshells because I am a baby I don't know how to act like she wants. Evertime I do something she dosent like she scream like a banshee and hit me. So I was happier around my father but he didn't care about me. Since I liked being around my father, because he wasn't abusing my ears and self and body,as obviously as my mother  she labeled me as a daddies boy. I wasnt a daddies boy I just didn't like the way my mother was a bi polar lunatic it leaves you feeling unsafe even when  she was being nice, as you dont know when you will act improperly and get verbally abused for no reason that I would know of at the time. I don't like either of them. In my adult life my mother has been nicer to me but I have a feeling its only because my 2 brothers stopped talking to her and I am the only one left that will communicate.

It felt like my dad abandoned me then my mom abandoned me because I looked like I wanted to be around my father more than her. My mother kicked me out of the house when I was 17 and then my family abandon me. I lived with my dad for a bit but he didn't care about me and would dissapear for weeks without saying anything.

I don't love my dad but I love my mom because she tried even if it left me severly mentally ill. 

Edited April 10 by Hojo

[Applegarden8]

I don't spend much time with them, but yes. They weren't terrible to me and my mom has gotten smarter.

I don't have much compassion for my grandparents, but they are a product of USSR.

I love them in a sense that they gave me the gift of bringing me up and that I can have jeevan mukthi in this life, it's kinda all I needed. As dysfunctional as it was at times. And I love them for not interfering in my life too much.

It took distance and good amount of self-reflection to let the accumulated pain to subside.

Edited April 10 by Applegarden8

[jacknine119]

@Hojo i am really sorry about your story. I feel how frustrating it is. My parents are great relative to yours but still hard to communicate with them. I should be grateful more of them.

One question for you: how is your life changing with self development?

[jacknine119]

@Applegarden8 Brother our parents have also big impact by ussr's product. Partly they were USSR product too. 

[jacknine119]

@Tenebroso everything will be great brother. Healing just need time. We deserve happiness❤️

[Applegarden8]

10 minutes ago, jacknine119 said:

@Applegarden8 Brother our parents have also big impact by ussr's product. Partly they were USSR product too. 

Yes. My father kept drinking and it kills him. All he talks is about USSR army. My mom tho has gotten a lot smarter.

[Schizophonia]

I have a cordial relationship with them and they are generous, even though we have little in common.

[MarkKol]

I'm not sure; I'm neutral. I remember loving a friend years ago, but it's not the same feeling I have for them.

I hate how unaspiring, unsupportive of me, ignorant, and pathetic they sometimes are.

There are emotional and logical ways of looking at everything, your parents, your country, your life. Do I love my country? Yes, do I think it's an underdeveloped shithole? also yes, the same thing goes for parents. In other words, your love, or lack of love, doesn't have to skew with reality.

Edited April 10 by MarkKol

[Sugarcoat]

You dont need to love anyone. You just need respect, openness, non judgement. 

[AION]

14 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

You dont need to love anyone. You just need respect, openness, non judgement. 

So true. Love is a big word

[Schizophonia]

3 minutes ago, AION said:

So true. Love is a big word

Life without love is too bland.

 

[Sugarcoat]

12 minutes ago, AION said:

So true. Love is a big word

People think you should love family just because it’s family 

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Life without love is too bland.

 

Yes