Dealing with attachment?

[Lynx]

This years I've been presented with a very very tough relationship, I've gone through absolute dark times exposing all of my traumas and shit..

I don't usually believe in twin flame type of things but I'm pretty sure I've got a really strong link with that person, I had a strong deja vu when I first met her so it's probably this.

Anyway, I've spent months with her dealing with difficult emotional ups and downs to the point of going mad and I finally realised that what I was feeling was not Love but Attachment which are two different things..
In fact, I feel deeply attached to this person to the point it controls how I feel on a daily basis and it's driving me mad
I'm starting to understand the concept of Love without attachment from the Buddhist but I'd like to actually be able to achieve that kind of Love if possible..
How can I proceed? I meditate for 1 hour daily, sometimes more for at least 4 years, I've dable with 5meos multiple times, have experience with Iboga and did a lot of personal work, but still, here I am as a complete newbie sentimentally speaking and I'm starting to feel tired of it already

Edited April 7 by Lynx

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eit85FAj4wg

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p3-MJJm_R0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4

http://happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.com/2012/05/surrendering-i-letting-go-of-suffering.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1Rp184IT4

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_ddzLm9dNY

 

Edited April 7 by Raze

[Yimpa]

Couples therapy / counseling / coaching on a weekly, consistent basis. Are you both willing to invest in this?

[Norbert Somogyi]

Hey man, thank you for sharing this!

I have a friend who just got broken up over a similar relationship, an incredible level of intimacy. She was vulnerable and intimate from the start, but turns out she is dealing with very bad anxiety. My friend fell for her immediately and is now swimming in grief, after he tried to fix it a few times.

There's a certain pattern to the type of girls you attract, and that is true to my friend and myself as well. Neither of us are attracting girls that are content and have a healthy self-esteem, because neither of us are there. There's a lot of shit to work through, which doesn't seem to be sorted by meditation (tried), can't say much about 5-MeO. I went to a few retreats like Ayahuasca and Psylocibin, but they don't solve these things by themselves, unless I guess you are for some reason close to such a breakthrough. In my case I tried years of therapy and inner work (on-and-off), and now optimizing my health which seems to be the biggest influence in terms of how I view myself relationships.

You can try to dwell into Attachment Theory, a useful resource - YouTube

EDIT - Additional thoughts: I realized there's a drastic difference in my relationship to people and love based on how content I am in the moment. When I feel content and not looking for love outside, things feel like a breeze in comparison. Maybe you need to cultivate some Self-Love (along with Shadow Work, the dark side is just as important), from which you will not only find it easier to detach from depending on a relationship to love - but getting closer to love as well. It's also easier to love if you have love to give.

Edited April 7 by Norbert Somogyi

[Yimpa]

25 minutes ago, Norbert Somogyi said:

after he tried to fix it a few times.

Reminds me that it is not your job to fix the other person, it is to bring out the best in them. 

[Norbert Somogyi]

7 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Reminds me that it is not your job to fix the other person, it is to bring out the best in them. 

Oh yeah, that's definitely true!

He did not try to fix her though that much, rather the relationship instead. Either way it was doomed from the start unfortunately.

[Lynx]

@Yimpa We are not a couple, our relationship is based on soul wounds, I'm pretty sure I attracted this girl to show me what I need to heal inside of me and same for her..
Thing is we both know we need to work on ourselves to form an healthy relationship and we are both willing to do the work but for now all we seem to do is hurt ourselves in the process..
I'm also trying to learn how to really Love myself but it's been years of trying at this point and it seems to be on and off like the Hearth center is a door that open sometimes and closes the rest of the time, looks like it's closed more often for me though

@Norbert Somogyi

1 hour ago, Norbert Somogyi said:

EDIT - Additional thoughts: I realized there's a drastic difference in my relationship to people and love based on how content I am in the moment. When I feel content and not looking for love outside, things feel like a breeze in comparison. Maybe you need to cultivate some Self-Love (along with Shadow Work, the dark side is just as important), from which you will not only find it easier to detach from depending on a relationship to love - but getting closer to love as well. It's also easier to love if you have love to give.

Yeah, I've experienced that, it's like I'm desperatly in need of Love or even friendship, it's been 6 years of being single at this point and I've repeated enough time that I'm alone to actually become alone (thanks Law of attraction lmao) so when I meet someone it's like something huge where I attach lots of importance in my life so yeah, problem might come from there too

[Yimpa]

1 minute ago, Lynx said:

all we seem to do is hurt ourselves in the process..

By avoiding pain, the hurt lingers longer and we get further lost in it.