Female Dating Advice

[Tenebroso]

Majed definitely smoking some tainted weed. 

[Majed]

@Tenebroso Bro i just said men want hot girls lmao

[Tenebroso]

@Emerald

Good post.

I think the most attractive men that women are competing for have so many options that woman do need the man to invest more in the beginning. That is the way it should work in theory but these men have so many options that women cannot help but put all their cards on the table to out compete the other women. 

Less attractive men should either drop out of the dating scene in this ruthless era or exercise extreme patience and discernment in identifying the very small pool of women who might see value in them, otherwise consistent rejection will chip away at your self esteem and trigger unhealthy resentment towards women.

We should be teaching boys that there is a possibility you will not attract women or get dates, to kill the entitlement and expectation. The every man gets a wife just for existing and doing the bare minimum era has died and it's not coming back. We are returning to a more natural state with regards to mating patterns due to the freedom women now have.

Older women are increasingly sleeping and dating much younger fuckboys or "Chads". So maybe the desire to settle down with the mature beta is not innate but something women were socialized to do and now they have the freedom and independence at least in the west to choose a man based on lust and desire for as long as they want.

I think what you are saying about choosing mature beta may have been true in the previous paradigm but I think we are witnessing a shift. In he west mature, successful, financially independent women already get companionship from their girlfriends, they don't really need men anymore so the only men who get chose now are the ones who really hit the spot in therms of lust and desire.

What do you think?

[Tenebroso]

16 minutes ago, Majed said:

@Tenebroso Bro i just said men want hot girls lmao

Most men grow up wanting hot girls that is true but dating is harsh for most men. The majority of learn our place in the hierarchy very quickly and adjust. There are literal international supermodels 15 minutes away from me in my city but I don't fantasize or even think about approaching them because I have zero chance. They date Formula One Drivers, CEO's and Premier League Soccer players. 

[Emerald]

Just now, Tenebroso said:

@Emerald

Good post.

I think the most attractive men that women are competing for have so many options that woman do need the man to invest more in the beginning. That is the way it should work in theory but these men have so many options that women cannot help but put all their cards on the table to out compete the other women. 

Less attractive men should either drop out of the dating scene in this ruthless era or exercise extreme patience and discernment in identifying the very small pool of women who might see value in them, otherwise consistent rejection will chip away at your self esteem and trigger unhealthy resentment towards women.

We should be teaching boys that there is a possibility you will not attract women or get dates, to kill the entitlement and expectation. The every man gets a wife just for existing and doing the bare minimum era has died and it's not coming back. We are returning to a more natural state with regards to mating patterns due to the freedom women now have.

Older women are increasingly sleeping and dating much younger fuckboys or "Chads". So maybe the desire to settle down with the mature beta is not innate but something women were socialized to do and now they have the freedom and independence at least in the west to choose a man based on lust and desire for as long as they want.

I think what you are saying about choosing mature beta may have been true in the previous paradigm but I think we are witnessing a shift. In he west mature, successful, financially independent women already get companionship from their girlfriends, they don't really need men anymore so the only men who get chose now are the ones who really hit the spot in therms of lust and desire.

What do you think?

 

This framework you're operating off of isn't true... and it's preventing you from connecting with women.

Just look around the world and you will see that there are ordinary men and women who love each other and live their lives together.

And even if you may not yourself be attracted to men, I hope you can understand me when I say that I am attracted to regular guys... as are most women.

But this is clearly a framework that you want to hold onto. And you look around for people to validate it to make it true in your mind. So, I'm not going to be able to reason you out of it.

So, I would ask you this question, "How are you trying to protect or serve yourself by holding onto the idea that women aren't interested in anyone but the highest status guys?"

It would seem to me that you might be using this narrative to avoid relationships with women... or that you may be playing out the way your care-givers related to you as a child... or that it's a way to avoid trying to connect to keep yourself from rejection by not trying... or some other dynamic.

If you'd like to let go of this unhelpful thought pattern, you have to exercise extreme self-honesty and figure out where it comes from in the first place and what function it serves for you.

[Majed]

@Emerald Most men are more ambitious and darker than you. You're okay with not dating the hottest girls. A lot of men will do anything to date and sleep with the hottest girls. You clearly lack ambition, vision and some darkness to your character. 

[Removed]

Edited yesterday at 01:09 AM by Leo Gura
Too extreme

[UnbornTao]

@Majed You sound unhinged. Be more open to others' perspectives here.

Edited yesterday at 12:45 AM by UnbornTao

[Tenebroso]

11 minutes ago, Emerald said:

This framework you're operating off of isn't true... and it's preventing you from connecting with women.

Just look around the world and you will see that there are ordinary men and women who love each other and live their lives together.

And even if you may not yourself be attracted to men, I hope you can understand me when I say that I am attracted to regular guys... as are most women.

But this is clearly a framework that you want to hold onto. And you look around for people to validate it to make it true in your mind. So, I'm not going to be able to reason you out of it.

So, I would ask you this question, "How are you trying to protect or serve yourself by holding onto the idea that women aren't interested in anyone but the highest status guys?"

It would seem to me that you might be using this narrative to avoid relationships with women... or that you may be playing out the way your care-givers related to you as a child... or that it's a way to avoid trying to connect to keep yourself from rejection by not trying... or some other dynamic.

If you'd like to let go of this unhelpful thought pattern, you have to exercise extreme self-honesty and figure out where it comes from in the first place and what function it serves for you.

"How are you trying to protect or serve yourself by holding onto the idea that women aren't interested in anyone but the highest status guys?" 

Well, extreme fear of rejection is obviously a factor. My self esteem has never been high and I did not get much validation from anywhere growing up. So I find it difficult to believe anyone would like me. Father was not around and mother was depressed for most of my childhood due to my childhood illness.

I spent most of my childhood until the age of 11 in a Children's hospital. I was a bit behind socially compared to my peers and got bullied ruthlessly. The girls would say "you are going to die a virgin" and a group of boys would say everyday....."nobody loves you". I had multiple operations as a child and have scars and stitches all over my body, I am basically a Frankenstein monster naked. So one thing i have realized is that I would probably have to explain a whole lot of painful personal stuff to any woman I become intimate with. Maybe I am avoiding that.

However, I did find my tribe late in high school and went through a more extroverted phase between age 17-22, where I became very outgoing and had a wide social circle. I tried to date and got rejected every time.

I have never denied that I have my flaws and traumas but so do many and yet they are able to find mates. So while I concede that my point of view is heavily coloured by deep internal wounds, it can't be the only reason. It is clear dating is not what it was 15 years ago let alone half a century ago. Looks and status have never mattered more.

[Emerald]

@Tenebroso Thank you for sharing that with me.

I think there could be dynamics to explore around that fear of rejection. That's especially true if there are some dynamics with either parent that made you feel like you would only ever be invalidated and never validated.

You might also ask yourself the question "What is my biggest fear if a woman sees my scars?"

All of these holds clues about how to let go of these limiting beliefs and to open up more to connecting with a woman.

But the main thing is to keep an awareness that the viewpoints that you're using to cope with these things are not true... but a reflection of adaptations that you're using to avoid pain and rejection.

[Majed]

@Princess Arabia Fantasies are fantasies, they're aren't real life. 

[Leo Gura]

@Majed Too extreme. Don't post such things.

[Majed]

@Leo Gura Alright sorry.

[Leo Gura]

@Majed Don't make women feel unwelcome here.

Have some understanding of their difficult situation.

Edited yesterday at 01:15 AM by Leo Gura

[Majed]

@Leo Gura What do you mean by their difficult situation ?

[Leo Gura]

Just now, Majed said:

@Leo Gura What do you mean by their difficult situation ?

All over the internet toxic misogyny spreads like a wildfire, making women unsafe. Don't play into that.

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, Majed said:

@Leo Gura What do you mean by their difficult situation ?

That we go through life in fear of our lives from sick perverted men that have fantasies like yours and not knowing who we're dating on the outskirts. We have to protect ourselves all the time and keep in the back of our minds that he could be a potential rapist or murderer. It is our biggest fear when meeting strange men we don't know and have to be constantly on guard. 

[gambler]

31 minutes ago, Emerald said:

@Tenebroso Thank you for sharing that with me.

I think there could be dynamics to explore around that fear of rejection. That's especially true if there are some dynamics with either parent that made you feel like you would only ever be invalidated and never validated.

You might also ask yourself the question "What is my biggest fear if a woman sees my scars?"

All of these holds clues about how to let go of these limiting beliefs and to open up more to connecting with a woman.

But the main thing is to keep an awareness that the viewpoints that you're using to cope with these things are not true... but a reflection of adaptations that you're using to avoid pain and rejection.

If you open up to a girl and show her your scars, and she says something like you're too much for wanting me to listen and talk to you about your deep personal stuff, and then starts losing interest in you, then what? Is it smart to be vulnerable with the next woman? Or is it better to just talk to your dad about these things if you have a dad that is always interested and waiting for you to open up?

Edited yesterday at 01:27 AM by gambler

[Majed]

@Leo Gura Sure yeah i get it. However i am fascinated by misogyny and racism. there are two levels to this: being against misogyny and racism is the first. The second is developing a deep fascination for them as part of human nature. Like misogyny and racism makes people commit such unhinged things like the murders of Edmund Kemper and the holocaust, just to name those. Like it's fascinating how powerful these forces can be in driving human behavior to extremes. 

[Majed]

@Princess Arabia I get it and empathize with you. It is hard to be a woman. 

[integral]

@Majed the reason I think you're making these comments is because you enjoyed the rush of attention like you alluded to in a previous post relating to pick up.

I tend to do the same thing in that I like to spice up things I say to make it more engaging, a lot of us do that.

Try to be write for engagement while also being (wise, likable, funny), and you'll get the attention you really want.