Female Dating Advice

[Elliott]

 

Every guy has different things he's looking for, you just have to run into one that you match with. Of course work on yourself for you and you'll become more desirable for more men as well, but don't try to fit a mold because some guys are looking for it.

 

 

[Emerald]

18 minutes ago, Elliott said:

No one is suggesting a woman behave unnatural to play some game, this is just explaining men. Be yourself. 

They're not persuadable, you cannot make a man fall in love with you. But most guys grow in love, what do you think princess arabias video meant when the guy is investing which grows his love?

Yes, if men have the seeds of love for you... those seeds will grow over time. And you can help them grow with the advice in Princess Arabia's video about allowing him to invest and allowing space for his inner child.

But if a man does not have the seeds of love for you... there is simply nothing there to grow. 

The reality is that a man knows quite quickly who he sees as a serious prospect for a longterm romantic relationship and who he will never see in that light... even if she is attractive to him and he likes her as a friend.

And a lot of guys look for easygoing low-investment female companionship but will never want to put labels on things or go deeper. And that is what my advice helps women avoid.

[Elliott]

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

It's all observation and experience. My advice is about avoiding low investment situationships... and knowing your boundaries

And that is great

 

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

 

. And through knowing your boundaries you create more space for the man to invest and pursue.

There's nothing crazy about this advice. It's pretty straightforward and it works because

 

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

the greatest power a woman has in finding a good partner is the power of no... and learning to say no to what isn't good for her.

And I agree with you that women need to filter men efficiently.

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Perhaps (if I'm understanding you correctly) you originally felt wishy washy about your partner and didn't feel like you were that into her and saw her as a situationship that you didn't take seriously as a longterm relationship prospect... but over time you grew to fall in love with her?

Did I get that right? If not, there's ZERO reason to be arguing with my advice... as it is specifically about weeding out guys that aren't that into you and who don't actually see you as a real relationship prospect.

I have never done situationships, from the start our relationship was about a serious relationship. I told her, before we were officially a couple, I date to find a serious relationship, I told her exactly what I look for in a woman, that im not willing to settle, that I want marriage and children. I asked her for exactly what she wants, I told her my fears with what I watch for in a relationship, and things I ask a woman do for our relationship like to bring up concerns and communicate.

 

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

If a guy's not that into you in the beginning... he's going to continue to not be that into you in the future. And you don't want to wast 10 years of your life in an anxiety-producing and unsatisfying situationship where you only ever get breadcrumbs.

Definitely

 

 

I really don't know how else to try to explain what I'm trying to point out other than what I've already said multiple times.

[Emerald]

3 minutes ago, Elliott said:

I really don't know how else to try to explain what I'm trying to point out other than what I've already said multiple times.

I think the main thing you're trying to say is that my advice will filter out "marriage guys". But it absolutely won't. 

That is part of the sorting process for the woman to vet guys based off of longterm compatibility on more than just crushy feelings... and to say no to men who are wishy washy and not that into her.

And when you prioritize WHAT you want as the priority, you will naturally pull your energy off of him and back onto yourself and your own boundaries and standards... which gives him space to pursue you and invest in you to earn your appreciation, which is what helps the seeds of love grow for him.

That's why I see, "Is he putting in over half of the effort in the courtship process?" as a good litmus test for if he's invested.

The things that a lot of women end up doing (and before I learned these things, I did this a TON), is to feel really intense emotions toward a particular guy and begin investing in him and trying to win him over... and sacrificing her boundaries in order to make the relationship work with him.

It's really easy for a woman to choose one specific guy who she sees as THE guy for her... and then starting to chase him and pursue him based on potential... and putting him on a pedestal.

And that gives him no space to invest or pursue. And that kills it with a guy who does have the seeds of love. And it keeps around low investment situationship guys who just want to hang around and get easy sex.

[Elliott]

42 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I think the main thing you're trying to say is that my advice will filter out "marriage guys".

Yes, 95% of them. Most just because people value things differently, so the guy and gal will value their investments differently, the woman my not recognize his investment. And then many, because they will think you're playing a game or are uninterested from you withholding, and they will filter you out.

Quote

 

But it absolutely won't. 

That is part of the sorting process for the woman to vet guys based off of longterm compatibility on more than just crushy feelings... and to say no to men who are wishy washy and not that into her.

And when you prioritize WHAT you want as the priority, you will naturally pull your energy off of him and back onto yourself and your own boundaries and standards... which gives him space to pursue you and invest in you to earn your appreciation, which is what helps the seeds of love grow for him.

That's why I see, "Is he putting in over half of the effort in the courtship process?" as a good litmus test for if he's invested.

 

Quote

The things that a lot of women end up doing (and before I learned these things, I did this a TON), is to feel really intense emotions toward a particular guy and begin investing in him and trying to win him over... and sacrificing her boundaries in order to make the relationship work with him.

It's really easy for a woman to choose one specific guy who she sees as THE guy for her... and then starting to chase him and pursue him based on potential... and putting him on a pedestal.

And that gives him no space to invest or pursue. And that kills it with a guy who does have the seeds of love. And it keeps around low investment situationship guys who just want to hang around and get easy sex.

Yes, serious problem. Don't try to win him. Don't sacrifice your boundaries, don't put him on pedestal. Don't try to win him, don't try to win him, don't try to win him.

Get to know each other, enjoy each other, ask the motherfucker if he's serious about you.

Edited Friday at 04:30 AM by Elliott

[Emerald]

25 minutes ago, Elliott said:

Yes, 95% of them. Most just because people value things differently, so the guy and gal will value their investments differently, the woman my not recognize his investment. And then many, because they will think you're playing a game by withholding, and they will filter you out.

Yes, serious problem. Don't try to win him. Don't sacrifice your boundaries, don't put him on pedestal. Don't try to win him, don't try to win him, don't try to win him.

Get to know each other, enjoy each other, ask the motherfucker if he's serious about you.

I still don't see what the disagreement is.

The point of dating is to filter out most people. That's the entire point of the advice is to get really good at sorting. Sort the 99% that doesn't work and isn't compatible to find the 1% that is.

And the rest of it is just exactly what I'm saying... or even if not explicitly said, doesn't contradict in any way with what I'm saying.

[Elliott]

2 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I still don't see what the disagreement is.

The point of dating is to filter out most people. That's the entire point of the advice is to get really good at sorting. Sort the 99% that doesn't work and isn't compatible to find the 1% that is.

And the rest of it is just exactly what I'm saying... or even if not explicitly said, doesn't contradict in any way with what I'm saying.

When I say you're filtering out 95%, I mean you're filtering out a TON of potential matches, unnecessarily. Ya, you want to filter out everyone you're incompatible with, you want to filter out 99% of guys. BUT, your 1% may have been in that 95% you threw away, the 5% you kept may be garbage.

[Emerald]

9 minutes ago, Elliott said:

When I say you're filtering out 95%, I mean you're filtering out a TON of potential matches, unnecessarily. Ya, you want to filter out everyone you're incompatible with, you want to filter out 99% of guys. BUT, your 1% may have been in that 95% you threw away, the 5% you kept may be garbage.

I don't recommend over-filtering. It's much more intuitive than that. And you should keep your expectations realistic and lead with your heart.

What I'm describing is what many women make the mistake of not considering. Hence why it is the advice I'm emphasizing.

The intimacy and emotional connection part tends to come easily for most women. And it can even be difficult to sort a man out where there is the potential for intimacy.

So, if a woman finds herself having chemistry with a guy... she'd be wise to keep my advice in mind, as these are the things a lot of women tend to throw right out the window when there are some feelings because the feelings are so inviting.

And before growing too attached, she'll want to sort out who isn't a good fit or whose feelings for her and investment in her are not at least equal to or greater than hers.

If the man's feelings for a woman are equal to or somewhat greater than hers, then things will tend to be more likely to work out.

But if the woman likes the man more than he likes her, it's probably not going to work out. Nothing will ever grow there. And she'll get anxious and start chasing which will push him further and further away. 

My advice is for avoiding the latter situation... which is very common for women and painful, and wastes her time... as plenty of men will still want to hang around because it's convenient. And most women are not taught how to wield that sorting power, so there can be a lot of mis-steps without this information. 

[something_else]

5 hours ago, Emerald said:

But if the woman likes the man more than he likes her, it's probably not going to work out. Nothing will ever grow there. And she'll get anxious and start chasing which will push him further and further away. 

Most guys have experienced that showing too much interest in a girl will push her away as well. I don't necessarily think this is a gendered thing. In general I think if the amount each partner likes the other is not pretty equal, it's likely to be a problem, male or female.

[gettoefl]

45 minutes ago, something_else said:

Most guys have experienced that showing too much interest in a girl will push her away as well. I don't necessarily think this is a gendered thing. In general I think if the amount each partner likes the other is not pretty equal, it's likely to be a problem, male or female.

He is the one who needs to up the status every step of the way and ask the key questions culminating in popping the all important question.

So he better have higher interest and intentionality.

He prays and she hopes.

A big difference.

Edited Friday at 11:20 AM by gettoefl

[something_else]

22 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

popping the all important question.

What is the all important question?

23 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

He prays and she hopes.

What is the difference?

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, something_else said:

Most guys have experienced that showing too much interest in a girl will push her away as well.

If you try to be strong in an "estrogenic" way, that is, by acting as an e-motion-al rather than a ratio-n-al engine.

If I force myself (because it's forced most of the time, a regressive "anti-phallic" reflex) to be too e-motional (not even by acting excessively feminine like a homosexual, but simply by trying to seduce by injecting emotion, even if it takes a confident and pseudo-masculine form), then I'll appear repulsive and unmanifest the girl proportionally.
I would even say, even if it's a level above, that you consider it as an e-motional engine—she will brutally manifest (what Carl Jung called synchronicities) a negative relationship of the other gender, while the opposite, which I will describe then, will manifest attraction and positive reactions.

What works with women in my world, on the contrary, is to function as a rational engine subject to the emotional, impulsive karma in general of the great other; It could be a big, noisy car, using computers, going fishing, getting involved in politics, etc, and it also involves others (not just women, in fact, but social relationships in general).
This translates into a typical "stoic" and "naive" attitude.

So you can desire women; Women love to be desired, but you have to be needed, not needy.

Be at the service of others and not be the center (in the emotional sense, again).

Tobacco, especially when consumed in a "harsh" way like a pipe or cigar, orients my self-concept as a desiring machine (by projection of the generated emotional karma) for "tough" women; typically with feminine but muscular curves, a bit argumentative, energetic, who need something very involved, at the disposal of their anger.
These are typically Latina women, to give a caricatured example. It disappears a few hours after quitting smoking.

Alcohol gives off a vibe that matches women who are kinder/gentler but still feminine.
Caricaturally, Latina and Slavic women.

Cannabis is the most castrating drug.
Cannabis smokers are the ones I see most often dating ugly hippie women.

Edited Friday at 12:50 PM by Schizophonia

[Princess Arabia]

2 hours ago, something_else said:

Most guys have experienced that showing too much interest in a girl will push her away as well. I don't necessarily think this is a gendered thing. In general I think if the amount each partner likes the other is not pretty equal, it's likely to be a problem, male or female.

Maybe just for sex but not for relationship wise, long-term or marriage. Sometimes just the fact that he likes her way more than she likes him will balance the dynamic out on it's own. SHOWING interest and HAVING interest are two different things and for a guy that's into you for the long haul, and as long as she's somewhat interested, the way he shows his interest will usually not be demanding, claustrophobic or a turnoff because he's not desperate.

Edited Friday at 01:09 PM by Princess Arabia

[Raze]

4 hours ago, something_else said:

Most guys have experienced that showing too much interest in a girl will push her away as well. I don't necessarily think this is a gendered thing. In general I think if the amount each partner likes the other is not pretty equal, it's likely to be a problem, male or female.

Yes, but a smart woman ignores her instincts to chase avoidant men and gives a chance to the guy who is super into her and investing into her because she will get more out of the relationship.

For example by default women like confident men and lose attraction if she shows visible nervousness. But the issue is if he’s nervous that can mean he really likes her and is afraid of messing up which is actually a sign he will be better for a long term relationship, if he’s confident it can be because he doesn’t care what she thinks because is a player  or is he is narcissistic, which are all signs he will be worse in a long term relationship.

Edited Friday at 03:25 PM by Raze

[Elliott]

54 minutes ago, Raze said:

Yes, but a smart woman ignores her instincts to chase avoidant men and gives the guy who is super into her and investing into her because she will get more out of the relationship.

But a non-incel non-player guy won't give her the time of day when she withholds. Everyone agrees they should filter out avoidant men and not chase.

Edited Friday at 04:15 PM by Elliott

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, something_else said:

Most guys have experienced that showing too much interest in a girl will push her away as well. I don't necessarily think this is a gendered thing. In general I think if the amount each partner likes the other is not pretty equal, it's likely to be a problem, male or female.

If it comes across as needy or desperate that's a problem. And it shouldn't be excessive or at an extreme imbalance.

The thing I'm talking about is much more subtle and just woven in to how he shows up. I wish I could do justice in my description of it. But it's very subtle and mundane but makes a huge difference to how it feels to be in a relationship with a guy.

Like if a man is serious about making things work with a woman, he will invest time, energy, and resources into the relationship and into her because that's just how he shows up when he's serious.

And you can tell by a few months in how interested he is in pursuing something serious by how much of himself he invests in the relationship.

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Raze said:

For example by default women like confident men and lose attraction if she shows visible nervousness. But the issue is if he’s nervous that can mean he really likes her and is afraid of messing up which is actually a sign he will be better for a long term relationship, if he’s confident it can be because he doesn’t care what she thinks because is a player  or is he is narcissistic, which are all signs he will be worse in a long term relationship.

😏😏😏Enough said.

[gettoefl]

5 hours ago, something_else said:

What is the all important question?

Getting married. Has a woman ever asked this of a man?