Female Dating Advice

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Elliott said:

I strongly disagree. He immediately knows who he wants to have sex with, not marry, women hide too much.

He will know right away who he does and doesn't want for a longterm serious relationship.

Marriage is a more serious consideration down the line... but he automatically knows who he will never want to marry. And he will not seriously invest in a woman who he doesn't consider to be longterm relationship material.

But he will stick around for low investment female companionship and sex... and as a salve for loneliness if he's sexually attracted to the woman. This can be a comfort zone that men can get into because finding female companionship and sex can be difficult for men. 

So, it's really common that men will waste a woman's time because he feels lukewarm about her... like a platonic friend he has sex with sometimes. 

So women have to get really good at sorting these men from consideration to make room for a man who's going to really invest and who is crazy about her.

And a man knows right away who he wants to woo... and who he only sees as a source of convenient female companionship and sex. And there is no persuading him otherwise.

So, it's important that women resist the temptation to try... as this just puts them in Masculine Lover mode and chasing a guy who will NEVER invest in her.

[Elliott]

33 minutes ago, Emerald said:

He will know right away who he does and doesn't want for a longterm serious relationship.

Marriage is a more serious consideration down the line... but he automatically knows who he will never want to marry. And he will not seriously invest in a woman who he doesn't consider to be longterm relationship material.

But he will stick around for low investment female companionship and sex... and as a salve for loneliness if he's sexually attracted to the woman. This can be a comfort zone that men can get into because finding female companionship and sex can be difficult for men. 

So, it's really common that men will waste a woman's time because he feels lukewarm about her... like a platonic friend he has sex with sometimes. 

So women have to get really good at sorting these men from consideration to make room for a man who's going to really invest and who is crazy about her.

And a man knows right away who he wants to woo... and who he only sees as a source of convenient female companionship and sex. And there is no persuading him otherwise.

So, it's important that women resist the temptation to try... as this just puts them in Masculine Lover mode and chasing a guy who will NEVER invest in her.

I disagree. Guys looking for marriage tend to be more reserved in dating, it's the guys looking for sex or a spot filler that "woo".

He will invest though, and the level and way depends on his intelligence in regards to relationships. But some women are more giddy than the man, some men don't get giddy. Both should be investing, I don't think it matters who does more, not only that, different people men and women value different types of investing extremely differently.

Edited April 8 by Elliott

[Emerald]

Just now, Elliott said:

I disagree. Guy's looking for marriage are reserved in dating, it's the Guy's looking for sex that "woo".

Sure, men who are looking for sex try to impress women if that's what you mean. Men will do a lot of low-investment tricks to get sex until he gets the sex.

Then, once he's got sex he'll either leave (which is ideal) or he'll hang around and put in as little effort as possible to secure continued access to easy sex and low-investment companionship.

But the man will invest a lot of genuine effort to win over a woman he truly sees as his Beloved. 

He will do most of the legwork to orchestrate things at the outset of the relationship because he will want to lock you down.

So, it's important that women avoid over-giving in hopes that it will turn reciprocal... or trying to hint to or nag a guy to invest.

There is a phrase that's common in female dating advice channels and the is "If he wanted to, he would." And that's 100% true.

Men who are serious about you will go through hill and high water to try to make it work.

Men who are just looking for sex and low-investment female companionship will just hang around and waste your time.

[Elliott]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

Sure, men who are looking for sex try to impress women if that's what you mean. Men will do a lot of low-investment tricks to get sex until he gets the sex.

Then, once he's got sex he'll either leave (which is ideal) or he'll hang around and put in as little effort as possible to secure continued access to easy sex and low-investment companionship.

But the man will invest a lot of genuine effort to win over a woman he truly sees as his Beloved. 

He will do most of the legwork to orchestrate things at the outset of the relationship because he will want to lock you down.

So, it's important that women avoid over-giving in hopes that it will turn reciprocal... or trying to hint to or nag a guy to invest.

There is a phrase that's common in female dating advice channels and the is "If he wanted to, he would." And that's 100% true.

Men who are serious about you will go through hill and high water to try to make it work.

Men who are just looking for sex and low-investment female companionship will just hang around and waste your time.

I think you have to be careful with this, some players, there will be low investment signs, but, they will continue to play a woman forever, gifts, doing nice things, talking super sweet.

Meanwhile, I don't think guys see a new woman as his "beloved". I mean I've never heard this from a man nor have I felt that way about a woman, at least since fourth grade. Again, it's the player that will chase the woman through hell or high water.

Any guys reading, you ever feel the way she's describing?

A marriage guy won't treat you bad though, and will be loving, he will invest. But be careful, you might not value what he values as investing.

Edited April 8 by Elliott

[Princess Arabia]

I'll share this 30min video here for the guys not understanding the investment part and how men fall in love. I agree with what he's saying here. The investment part comes in mostly in the middle of the video. 16:00+

A lot of what @Emeraldis saying on the investment part, this guy also says and explains why. Starts at the 16:00 marker.

Edited April 8 by Princess Arabia

[Norbert Somogyi]

@Emerald

Thank you so much for sharing this! I saved this post, for later down the line when I regain the desire to get back into dating. Even as a man, this is very insightful to be able to appreciate a healthy female perspective when it comes to dating. 

[Princess Arabia]

9 minutes ago, Norbert Somogyi said:

@Emerald

Thank you so much for sharing this! I saved this post, for later down the line when I regain the desire to get back into dating. Even as a man, this is very insightful to be able to appreciate a healthy female perspective when it comes to dating. 

Just this alone can get you far with women. You're not rebutting everything said; and even if she's wrong with what she's saying, you're at least willing to take it into consideration and save it for reference down the line to see if your own experiences matches up.

I don't mean you'll get far with women just because you agree with Emerald's take or you see her perspective's as true, but just you recognizing that a female's perspective is important in the step to understanding women and just realizing that the understanding of women may allow for better relations with them and probably learn a thing or two about yourself in the process.

Edited April 8 by Princess Arabia

[Elliott]

31 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

 

@Emerald ^I think it's insightful.

 

@Princess Arabia

17:00

He's projecting, some men are different than this, different love languages.

[Emerald]

7 hours ago, Elliott said:

I think you have to be careful with this, some players, there will be low investment signs, but, they will continue to play a woman forever, gifts, doing nice things, talking super sweet.

Meanwhile, I don't think guys see a new woman as his "beloved". I mean I've never heard this from a man nor have I felt that way about a woman, at least since fourth grade. Again, it's the player that will chase the woman through hell or high water.

Any guys reading, you ever feel the way she's describing?

A marriage guy won't treat you bad though, and will be loving, he will invest. But be careful, you might not value what he values as investing.

When a man is serious about a woman, he will invest in the courtship process and want to lock the woman down. It will be a high priority for him to do the legwork necessary to orchestrate things.

And if a man is serious about marriage in general, he's going to be very specific about who he chooses for that... and he will invest in that woman he can see himself spending the rest of his life with.

But if a man who's interested in marriage doesn't see the woman he's dating as his Beloved, he will just move on to find his Beloved.

So, it isn't about players versus marriage guys (though it's important to sort out players too).

It's about sorting out guys that are attracted to you enough to sleep with you and get into a situationship with you... but who will never truly awaken his lover for you and invest in or see you as his Beloved.

The problem that women run into is that they get attached to low investment situationship guys from a misconception of thinking "I will win him over" or "He will grow to reciprocate my feelings in time". And then they try to woo him and nag him to get him to invest in her.

But men know very quickly whether a woman is someone they really want to pursue something serious with or whether she is just an attractive girl that he'd like to spend some time with and have sex with.

And if you're in the latter category, you'd be wise to recognize it as quickly and possible and break things off. 

And the first tell you can pick up on is by asking yourself the question, "How much effort is he putting in to connect with me relative to how much effort I'm putting in to connect with him?"

And if he isn't putting in at least 51% of that effort... it's a sign that he's not very serious about you.

Here are some funny skits that lampoon this very common dynamic that women can end up in with low-investment partners who feel lukewarm about them...

 

Edited April 8 by Emerald

[Emerald]

7 hours ago, Norbert Somogyi said:

@Emerald

Thank you so much for sharing this! I saved this post, for later down the line when I regain the desire to get back into dating. Even as a man, this is very insightful to be able to appreciate a healthy female perspective when it comes to dating. 

You're welcome!  

[meta_male]

@Emerald You made a lot of great points here. Personally, I’ve noticed that when a woman invests too much in me right off the bat, it actually makes me lose attraction. I end up assuming she’s not thinking clearly, because there's no way to truly know someone that well so early on. Genuine connection takes time.

Honestly, I’m tired of running into women who want to lock things down immediately just because their emotions spike. It feels like they’re chasing the idea of a relationship more than actually getting to know me. And that's when it turns into something casual.

[Elliott]

12 hours ago, Emerald said:

When a man is serious about a woman, he will invest in the courtship process and want to lock the woman down. It will be a high priority for him to do the legwork necessary to orchestrate things.

And if a man is serious about marriage in general, he's going to be very specific about who he chooses for that... and he will invest in that woman he can see himself spending the rest of his life with.

But if a man who's interested in marriage doesn't see the woman he's dating as his Beloved, he will just move on to find his Beloved.

So, it isn't about players versus marriage guys (though it's important to sort out players too).

It's about sorting out guys that are attracted to you enough to sleep with you and get into a situationship with you... but who will never truly awaken his lover for you and invest in or see you as his Beloved.

The problem that women run into is that they get attached to low investment situationship guys from a misconception of thinking "I will win him over" or "He will grow to reciprocate my feelings in time". And then they try to woo him and nag him to get him to invest in her.

But men know very quickly whether a woman is someone they really want to pursue something serious with or whether she is just an attractive girl that he'd like to spend some time with and have sex with.

And if you're in the latter category, you'd be wise to recognize it as quickly and possible and break things off. 

And the first tell you can pick up on is by asking yourself the question, "How much effort is he putting in to connect with me relative to how much effort I'm putting in to connect with him?"

And if he isn't putting in at least 51% of that effort... it's a sign that he's not very serious about you.

Here are some funny skits that lampoon this very common dynamic that women can end up in with low-investment partners who feel lukewarm about them...

 

I think you're really going to eliminate 95% of the men looking for marriage out of your dating pool. This is looking for a guy from a chick flick.

Edited April 9 by Elliott

[Elliott]

3 hours ago, meta_male said:

@Emerald You made a lot of great points here. Personally, I’ve noticed that when a woman invests too much in me right off the bat, it actually makes me lose attraction. I end up assuming she’s not thinking clearly, because there's no way to truly know someone that well so early on. Genuine connection takes time.

Honestly, I’m tired of running into women who want to lock things down immediately just because their emotions spike. It feels like they’re chasing the idea of a relationship more than actually getting to know me. And that's when it turns into something casual.

Too much, sure, but if she "invests" any more than you? She needs to "invest" less than you?

Edited April 9 by Elliott

[meta_male]

4 minutes ago, Elliott said:

Too much, sure, but if she "invests" any more than you? She needs to "invest" less than you?

I don’t keep track of the percentage. It should be equal more or less and feel like we’re both investing without keeping count.

An example of too much on her part: she cancels plans with her friends or family just to meet up with me. It feels good in the moment, but honestly it doesn’t sit right. Turns out that kind of dynamic never feels balanced.

[Raze]

4 hours ago, meta_male said:

@Emerald You made a lot of great points here. Personally, I’ve noticed that when a woman invests too much in me right off the bat, it actually makes me lose attraction. I end up assuming she’s not thinking clearly, because there's no way to truly know someone that well so early on. Genuine connection takes time.

Honestly, I’m tired of running into women who want to lock things down immediately just because their emotions spike. It feels like they’re chasing the idea of a relationship more than actually getting to know me. And that's when it turns into something casual.

That’s also how women feel when guys do that. 

Edited April 9 by Raze

[meta_male]

@Raze Correct.

[Elliott]

If you want to know if a guy is serious about you, ask him.

[Princess Arabia]

25 minutes ago, Elliott said:

If you want to know if a guy is serious about you, ask him.

Also, if you want to know if he cheated and if he thinks you're fat.

 

Edited April 9 by Princess Arabia

[Raze]

28 minutes ago, Elliott said:

If you want to know if a guy is serious about you, ask him.

Except he could just lie to tell her what she wants to hear 

[Elliott]

10 minutes ago, Raze said:

Except he could just lie to tell her what she wants to hear 

This section of her advice is not for players, players are sorted out differently, this section is for the guys just hanging around.