Female Dating Advice

[Emerald]

I made a post like this a few years back, but I wanted to update this even though there aren't too many women on this forum. 

Here's some dating advice... (Note: this is geared towards women who are interested in men.)

• Be unapologetically who you are and dress how you normally dress. You'll want to advertise your personality... which will turn away most men and attract in men that will actually prefer you.
• Come into the process of dating with the foregone conclusion that you are attractive and that you are a catch... and that any man would be lucky to have you. This is true regardless of how you look or what you have going for you. This will help put you in the frame of the Feminine Beloved and keep you from slipping into Masculine Lover mode where you're seeing him as the Feminine Beloved and trying win his affections.
• Understand that finding a partner as a woman is 10% attraction and 90% sorting. So, you must get really good at sorting men out who aren't compatible or possess dealbreakers that will drag down the quality of your life. And be sure to sort out spam attention.
• Keep your ears open for indicators and tells of anti-Feminine or misogynistic views. If you want to be able to be in your Feminine in a relationship, you must choose a man who isn't resistant to Femininity or women.
• Sort based off of the qualities that are the most important to you chemistry-wise, personality-wise, and life-style-wise. 
• Ask yourself the questions "Could I be happy with this person long-term?" and "Would he be a good father?" If the answer is no to either of those questions, IMMEDIATELY sort him from consideration.
• Approach dating from a heart-centered place... but also bring your mind along to sort for deal-breakers and incompatibilities before deeper feelings set in. 
• ALWAYS make relationship decisions from the stance of valuing "What do I want in a relationship?" over "Who do I most want to be with?" You have the capacity to fall in love with a guy who is terrible for you... or who isn't investing in you. So, instead of sacrificing the type of relationship dynamic you want in order to keep that guy... choose yourself over him, break it off, and seek out a more compatible man. This will be easier if you heed the next bit of advice.
• The man should be more into you than you are into him in the initial phases of courtship... as this is the stable foundation male/female relationships are built on. And you will feel anxious if he's not investing as much as you, which can feel exciting and bring up feelings of longing. Take that anxiety as an indicator that you've gone into Masculine Lover mode and to pull your energy and attention back from him and onto yourself and your own life. A non-invested man who you've put in the Beloved frame can stick around out of convenience and easy-going female companionship, but will quickly leave you if you are not his beloved once his actual beloved (or even just some other lady) comes around. So, there needs to be a dynamic where he's squarely in the Lover mode and sees you as the Beloved whose affections he must win. And you must have chemistry with him and see him as a suitable long-term partner but not be fully sold on him yet at the outset of the relationship. And if you are fully sold on him in the initial dating phase... you're probably in Masculine Lover mode and seeing him as your Feminine Beloved. So, pull your energy back from him and put it back on yourself. Abiding this bit of advice will give you a solid base for potentially creating a life together and having children together down the line.... which is not possible to do in a healthy way if you have all these chaotic anxious feelings about him because he's hot and cold about you.
• There is nothing you can do to persuade a man to love you if he doesn't already see you as his Beloved... so don't try. Just sort that man from consideration and focus on a man who does see you as the Beloved even if the chemistry is more moderate than with the guy who isn't as invested. This is difficult to do if you have deep feelings for him. But again, that crushy feeling is an indicator that you've shifted into Masculine Lover mode. 
• Counterintuitively - anxiety and really crushy obsessive feelings are an indicator that he's not a good option. Instead, focus on feeling peaceful, safe, and at home as that settled feeling is an indicator that you feel safe with a man. You should have a clear sense that this guy is capable of being your rock.

Edited yesterday at 06:56 PM by Emerald

[Majed]

@Emerald Honestly what men look for in a girl is physical beauty, so the top advice to give to women is to improve their physical beauty through dress, make up... And honestly some girls will just be forever unattractive and that is the harsh reality.

[Emerald]

4 minutes ago, Majed said:

@Emerald Honestly what men look for in a girl is physical beauty, so the top advice to give to women is to improve their physical beauty through dress, make up... And honestly some girls will just be forever unattractive and that is the harsh reality.

That's where you're wrong.

Men need to focus on attracting women... as that is not a given.

But women need to focus on sorting men as women already attract men just purely on the basis of being women.

So, the task is to sort the wheat from the chaff, so that you're able to get together with a compatible man. And you'll especially want to sort guys from consideration who are only selecting you based on physical beauty.

[Majed]

@Emerald That's true for like 10% of women. 90% of women are ugly, and guys find them repulsive. I know it sounds harsh but hey it ain't easier for us, as men we have to approach thousands of girls to have enough experience to deal with women. So it is hard for both, but i would say men have way more room of improvement compared to women, however most men will never know or do serious pick up, so it ain't easy for them either. 

[Raze]

2 minutes ago, Majed said:

@Emerald That's true for like 10% of women. 90% of women are ugly, and guys find them repulsive. 

That’s false. This is how men rate women on average:

 

[Majed]

@Raze It depends because some men's taste are really awful so that might play in favor of ugly women. But like the reality is that most women aren't hot, that's just the truth. 

Plus i wouldn't sleep with a girl who i find average, men sleep with the 6% most attractive, that's it.

Edited yesterday at 07:20 PM by Majed

[Raze]

1 minute ago, Majed said:

@Raze It depends because some men's taste are really awful so that might play in favor of ugly women. But like the reality is that most women aren't hot, that's just the truth. 

What is attractive to men is defined by what men find attractive, if men find her hot, she is hot from the male perspective. 

[Majed]

@Raze I definitely agree and for men, most women aren't hot.

[Raze]

Just now, Majed said:

@Raze I definitely agree and for men, most women aren't hot.

I already showed data showing men rate 40% of women as above average and 20% as average. You claimed 90% are ugly, meaning below average, that is false to most men. 

[Emerald]

Just now, Majed said:

@Emerald That's true for like 10% of women. 90% of women are ugly, and guys find them repulsive. I know it sounds harsh but hey it ain't easier for us, as men we have to approach thousands of girls to have enough experience to deal with women. So it is hard for both, but i would say men have way more room of improvement compared to women, however most men will never know or do serious pick up, so it ain't easy for them either. 

That's definitely not the case for most men. Men actually aren't very picky with looks at all... especially the ones who make better romantic partners. Men like the idea of being with a very beautiful woman, of course. But they don't fall in love with looks.

Also, take it from me. I'm a very average middle aged woman, and I've never had any issues with attracting and keeping the affection of my romantic partners. I've had hundred of men who've been interested in me in my life over the years.

But definitely men have more room for improvement attraction-wise, because they need to develop themselves more to avoid being sorted and to establish a relationship with a woman. A guy can be a 10 in looks but come across totally ugly if he's got certain deficits.

Or a guy can be a 5 in looks but through personality development, he can improve his way to being like 7.

For women, we are as attractive as we are. We don't get any more attractive. But we don't need to improve our attractiveness to secure a good partner. We just need to get really good at sorting from the men who are interested... as the interest is already a foregone conclusion.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

15 minutes ago, Majed said:

@Emerald Honestly what men look for in a girl is physical beauty, so the top advice to give to women is to improve their physical beauty through dress, make up... And honestly some girls will just be forever unattractive and that is the harsh reality.

The priority placed on physical appearance tends to decline with age. As you mature this evolves

My grandmother used the adage 'a beautiful woman dies twice' as a warning. Always invest in your attributes that aren't looks based. As a woman, when your looks fade, if you haven't grounded yourself in other areas, this loss is traumatic.

Thank you very much for your post @Emerald 🙏

[Majed]

@Raze Men don't sleep with women who are above average, they sleep with the hottest girls. 

[Raze]

Just now, Majed said:

@Raze Men don't sleep with women who are above average, they sleep with the hottest girls. 

So according to you 90% of women will die virgins?

[Emerald]

2 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

The priority placed on physical appearance tends to decline with age. As you mature this evolves

My grandmother used the adage 'a beautiful woman dies twice' as a warning. Always invest in your attributes that aren't looks based. As a woman, when your looks fade, if you haven't grounded yourself in other areas, this loss is traumatic.

Thank you very much for your post @Emerald 🙏

You're welcome!

That's interesting because I also say something similar to that... that women die more often than men (for this very reason). So, we're better at dying than them.

[integral]

@Emerald I would add

Find an environment where men who share similar values to you are likely to be.

It’s unlikely the guy you’re looking for is at a bar or in a club, so that’s probably not the target location. Maybe go to a book club maybe go to yoga maybe go to meditation retreat…

Also, if you’re using online dating apps filter out men based on values and not just appearance, look for words like (spiritual) in their profile so that there’s some compatibility.

Of course this still doesn’t work very well and you’re gonna get plenty of immature men.

But most women don’t understand spiral dynamics or integrity or self development, and really don’t understand how to filter.

Edited yesterday at 07:29 PM by integral

[Majed]

@Emerald Well i guess since you think of yourself as average and you had hundreds of men being interested in you, that says that those men are weak, since they go for a woman that is average, hence making them overall unattractive. Look you ain't gonna give women the superiority in terms of dating, most women i am not attracted to, nor do i want to have sex with. I only want the hottest girls, and i think men who are experienced in pick up, think the same. It's only men who haven't attracted lots of hot girls that will go for an average woman.

[Raze]

2 minutes ago, Majed said:

@Emerald Well i guess since you think of yourself as average and you had hundreds of men being interested in you, that says that those men are weak, since they go for a woman that is average, hence making them overall unattractive. Look you ain't gonna give women the superiority in terms of dating, most women i am not attracted to, nor do i want to have sex with. I only want the hottest girls, and i think men who are experienced in pick up, think the same. It's only men who haven't attracted lots of hot girls that will go for an average woman.

I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, but now it’s obvious you are trolling.

Less than a month ago you posted about being a virgin giving up on pickup.

I also see you started bringing up the rape topic there which you have done elsewhere now clearly to bait arguments.

[Emerald]

3 minutes ago, Majed said:

@Raze Men don't sleep with women who are above average, they sleep with the hottest girls. 

This is pure fantasy. You can't kid me on this.

I've lived almost 36 years as an average female human being. So, I know a bit about what men's standards are.

And I have had SOOO many guys try to get me in bed. It happens all the time to women.

I've also known plenty of women who are less attractive than I am that never had an issue attracting a good partner... let along getting laid down on a bed by some guy. 

[Rishabh R]

42 minutes ago, Emerald said:

And be sure to sort out spam attention

This is what makes me suffer and feel like I can't get someone as a man. 

Even though females get showered from attention right and left for them to find a meaningful connection they must sort out the attention which they don't like.

Edited yesterday at 07:36 PM by Rishabh R

[The Renaissance Man]

As a man, I'm trying to really understand your points about the Masculine Lover and Feminine Beloved.

It seems like this "inauthentic" dynamic (inauthentic because often the woman needs to dominate her authentic feelings, not because it's problematic) needs to be present out of necessity, because only a man that naturally falls under the Lover role initially will create healthy ground for a relationship. So it's a matter of sorting, once again.

It also seems like even if he falls naturally under the Lover role, the woman must still watch out and behave as the Beloved, because otherwise she may push him into the Beloved, even though he wasn't naturally there.

Is this all correct?

I have two questions:

• How do you suggest the woman who's really into the man should behave in later phases of dating? How long should she maintain this dynamic going, even though emotionally she wants to invest a lot into the relationship? Does it depend on some factors?
• Is there a risk to take the advice of the Beloved too extremely, and resulting "too cold", ending up losing what would've been a good man? Where do you think that "too much" level is?

Edited yesterday at 07:36 PM by The Renaissance Man