Reflecting and introspecting on my past experience

[sda]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share an incident with you guys on the forum because thinking about this is really weakening my mental health so that you guys can help me to reflect and analyze the situation. Also, it will help with my personal introspection and your responses will help me to reflect/introspect/analyze deeply about my personality too.

The big picture scenario of what was happening with me:

I was living with two people in one apartment so we were total three. The two people I was living with were biological brothers of each other and I was not their biological brother. I paid for all the kitchen utensils of the apartment, I was paying all the bills of the apartment including water, electricity and natural gas. Also, I paid for the heating system. I was also paying money to them for the service they were offering me which was their companionship. The cost of one friend friendship was 350 Chinese yuan per month which he says he charges it because of his service for helping me with university coursework like tests, exams and assignments. The cost of another friend was 900 Chinese yuan per month which he says he charges me because of cooking for me and fighting for me with the bullies at my university. They were also living with me in the apartment for free without paying me rent and using all the apartment facilities like kitchen utensils or water paid by me. You might wonder that why did I let them live in my apartment for free. For your information, I let them live in my apartment for free because many gangs from my university wanted to attack me and these two brothers claimed that they were protecting me from those gang members. If I had not let them live in my apartment for free then I would not have been protected by them from those gang members who wanted to beat me up. I even paid the complete 100% bill for these two people 1 to 2 times per month  for approximately six months at the most expensive restaurant of the city which is an Italian restaurant. These two people also had control over my bank balance and my budget spending. Like they can take how much money they want which was sent to me by my parents from my bank account whenever they want or check my bank balance whenever they want. They even controlled how much money I am allowed to spend and how much money I am not allowed to spend. 

 My specific action for which I need your guys help to reflect, introspect, analyze  or comment for me:

I bought a chocolate with my own money and I went to my room  secretly in my apartment then ate it. I put the wrapper of the chocolate in my bag. My roommate went through my bag which was also paid with my money without my permission and he saw the garbage wrappers of the chocolate in my bag. He then cursed me, my family and my whole family tree in my apartment where he was living for free. He told me that he did so many good things for me like he gave me so much advice on life, he saved me from the beatings of so many people in the university which is true, cooked good food for me, advice me on the right set of clothes to wear, how to judge people personalities, he helped me so much that I can never repay him back and all the other things psychopathic personality type people like to brag about. He even then threatened me by saying that he will break my head with a water bottle or he will slap me on my face for hiding and eating chocolate. Then, according to them, to compensate for my this mistake, I gave them a barbecue party at a restaurant where I paid the complete 100% bill and I fed them cake from a very expensive bakery for free.  

My thoughts and comments:  

I think these two people controlled me more than how parents control their children. I don't think, parents even control their children the way how these two people controlled and manipulated me. Why are those two people dictating the way how I spend my money? You guys might be wondering how did I manage to put up with all this toxic shit, I managed to put up with all this toxic shit because these two people gave me a threat that if I do not give in to their demands then they will gather ten to fifteen people to beat me up.

What I want from you:

Can you please help me introspect and reflect whose mistake was this all? Also, can you analyze the situation to give me new insights of what I should do in future to make sure that I don't end up with anyone toxically controlling me like how these two people controlled me.?  Any response of what you guys think of this whole situation that happened with me or your comments about it would be very beneficial to me.

I had to share this with you guys because when sharing anything on the forum and getting advices from you guys decreases my stress and stops my mental health from weakening further. If I have been vague or unclear about anything then you can feel free to ask me in this thread and I will be happy to clarify things for you. 

Thank you for reading the post and thank you for your responses. 

Have a good time 

Edited Thursday at 07:50 PM by sda

[Hojo]

This whole situation sounds like its your fault. Have you been beat up by anyone? It sounds like you let the gang members move into your apartment and now they are bullying you and for some reason have access to your money. This sounds very far fetched as much as kicking a random dog. Tell them to get out. Go out and find a black man and hire him to protect you. Tell your school there are people there trying to attack you constantly. Tell the building staff and police these men forced their way into the apartment and wont leave.

Edited yesterday at 01:39 AM by Hojo

[WikiRando]

Sounds like you're deep in a toxic stage red country / environment. The lasting solution would obviously be to move out of the country or get out of that environment. That might take some months / years of strategy and planning.

The more immediate thing to do would be to adopt stage red values in as healthy a way as you can. Learn self defence, how to be assertive / tough, project power, etc.

Sounds like it doesn't matter who's right, or who ate the chocolate, it matters who's the toughest, baddest person.

I'm gonna assume the police or authorities aren't gonna help you, because that should have been the obvious thing to do already. 

I like the idea above of hiring someone else tough to tell them to piss off, if you have the money and are sure they won't come back and hurt you for real.

Edited yesterday at 02:14 AM by WikiRando

[sda]

11 hours ago, Hojo said:

This whole situation sounds like its your fault. Have you been beat up by anyone? It sounds like you let the gang members move into your apartment and now they are bullying you and for some reason have access to your money. This sounds very far fetched as much as kicking a random dog. Tell them to get out. Go out and find a black man and hire him to protect you. Tell your school there are people there trying to attack you constantly. Tell the building staff and police these men forced their way into the apartment and wont leave.

Those gang members gave me a threat that if they do not move in my apartment then they will beat me up with 10 to 15 people. As far as my security is concerned by seeking help of paid black man, police staff or the building staff, in my city, people do not lend a helping hand to foreigners. I once complained to my teacher at the university but the teacher did not do anything.

11 hours ago, WikiRando said:

Sounds like you're deep in a toxic stage red country / environment. The lasting solution would obviously be to move out of the country or get out of that environment. That might take some months / years of strategy and planning.

The more immediate thing to do would be to adopt stage red values in as healthy a way as you can. Learn self defence, how to be assertive / tough, project power, etc.

Sounds like it doesn't matter who's right, or who ate the chocolate, it matters who's the toughest, baddest person.

I'm gonna assume the police or authorities aren't gonna help you, because that should have been the obvious thing to do already. 

I like the idea above of hiring someone else tough to tell them to piss off, if you have the money and are sure they won't come back and hurt you for real.

This is good and useful advice. Thank you for your reply and advice.