5meo reactivations morphing to something else

[khalifa]

i've had very annoying symptoms over the years from 5meo, that has affected my quality of life and mental health

their's nothing i can do about it, i've tried just waiting it out but i'm just always scared for no reason deep down inside, and i can't really explain it logically, i'm just afraid always afraid, at every moment, i just try to distract myself not to think about it, but no matter what i do i'm always afraid deep down within

my body vibrates at different frequencies, i can feel them more intense on some days, and less intense on other days, it's somewhat random and i can't really tell what's causing them despite i monitor food intake/exercise, it's just really random

their's this strange sensation as i sleep or wake up mid sleep, it feels like a reactivation but not really, i can't find the words to describe it but it feels like my brain is being pushed? boiling push? erupting? being the burning push? towards my eyes? some stable zooming forward, a very strange energy that's persistent and annoying, it lasts for i can't even tell since my memory is just horrible, but it's long enough that it's been very annoying and consistent, i notice it happens if i delay my sleep time by 2 hours and sometimes if i even wake up mid sleep it's just oftenly there as a common thing

 

just wanted to share, if anything taking 5meo is one of my biggest regrets in my life, i just want average health where i'm not scared at every moment of my life

[Leo Gura]

Sorry to hear of your suffering.

What are you afraid of?

It sounds like you triggered a spiritual awakening in yourself but your mind is resisting it and misinterpreting it as something negative.

You should research how kundalini awakening works and issues associated with it. This is known territory. People do get problems when kundalini is activated but incomplete.

I think you need to do a lot of inner work on how you are making sense of this whole situation. It seems like Awakening in trying to happen but you are resisting it, which creates double suffering.

Edited April 1 by Leo Gura

[ExploringReality]

Yes there is a great book on your book list Leo that has helped me tremendously. 

Also check out Martin ball PhD, there may be something there for you, good luck.

[khalifa]

@Leo Gura  i really don't know why i could be scared all the time, it's just always been like that since that trip really felt like infinite terror, it was terrifying that it just gave me this permanent on going ptsd/chronic anxiety

i think my story character just wants a good life and doesn't want to die someday maybe? or maybe it was because i was treated badly by the people around me right after that near death experience, no one was really there for me either at that vulnerable state

it doesn't feel like a spiritual awakening, i don't know what that is either, feels like a gamble russian roulette with my brain at this point, my brain is just very unstable

i feel way dumber as years pass by, i'm no longer sharp, more memory issues keep arising, if anything on that trip, i do remember a moment where there was this peaceful light/energy where i knew what everything is or what was going to happen, but that moment was very temporary and as soon as i was back in this body i kept freaking out like crazy and trying to fight some energy just to stay alive since i felt like i was dying, i was dying before the light part and right after the light part, and just fighting with it to stay alive was very scary, i'm not sure why it would shake me this much, like to me i understand it's over logically and there is no need to have any fear? yet my body is acting very differently after that event, it's just terrified

 

[Carl-Richard]

15 minutes ago, khalifa said:

i notice it happens if i delay my sleep time by 2 hours and sometimes if i even wake up mid sleep it's just oftenly there as a common thing

Your energy levels follow the same patterns as your sleep cycles; up for 1.5 hours, down for 1.5 hours, etc. If you delay your sleep for 2 hours after you were initially tired, you will experience an increase in energy again for the next 1 hour or so, which makes it harder to fall asleep. If you are prone to 5-MeO re-activations or other types of energy phenomena, it would be wise to carefully craft a sleep schedule that puts you to sleep and does not provoke those things.

[Leo Gura]

14 minutes ago, khalifa said:

i really don't know why i could be scared all the time, it's just always been like that since that trip really felt like infinite terror, it was terrifying that it just gave me this permanent on going ptsd/chronic anxiety

You need to do serious spiritual and introspective work to gain clarity around all that. This state of confused not-knowing is not good. It just leaves you miserable. You need to get serious about sorting out your issues and fears, getting to the rock bottom of them, so you get closure.

Yes, infinite consciousness is freaky at first, but it's actually a beautiful thing if you understand it properly.

I think I understand what happened to you. You had a huge 5-MeO breakthrough but your ego was nowhere mature or developed enough for it. The ego is freaking out about death and infinite consciousness and just wants to go back to being an asleep human.

You need to bring up the development level of the ego to be in proper relationship with the spiritual. It's like your ego doesn't want spirituality. But you opened that spiritual doorway with 5-MeO: which is it's proper function.

See, when I do 5-MeO, I am wishing for what happened to you to happen to me. That's why I do it. But you don't have that kind of spirutual desire. So in that sense, yeah, 5-MeO is the last thing you should have done. You opened a door to things you didn't really want. But now that the door is opened the solution is to learn to love the spiritual domain.

Edited April 1 by Leo Gura

[khalifa]

@Leo Gura i had more time to think about it, it's more like i'm scared because the re-activations were very intense and unwanted and they'd come very often several times a night for weeks/months that i had no time for rest, they were exhausting, and i felt like i was basically being soul raped daily for hours, everytime i tried to sleep, there was no resting period for me, my brain was burning i was very sleep deprived tierd, and i just couldn't have any rest back then, and every time i finally felt maybe it was improving, they would just come out of no where and the terror continues, it's been like that for months, i've seen improvement up to the 2 year mark, however now it's just bottlenecked improvements and the same old randomness out no where it comes, but it's not as terrifying as it used to be, since i've just learned to laugh/adapt/adjust to it as it's happening i can't even take it seriously anymore, it's also much weaker than what it used to be

[Leo Gura]

@khalifa I think what you need is to embrace the spiritual path for real. Do serious meditation practice, introspection, contemplation, ego work, maybe therapy. All of that combined will raise up your ego's development and allow you to actually appreciate your reactivations.

You are stuck in a cycle of resistance which creates most of your misery.

You have an opportunity here to really turn these reactivations into a gift.

I would gladly pay $100,000 to have weekly 5-MeO reactivations in myself. Yet you take them as something awful. It is very much a matter of perspective.

I suggest you get proactive about that work rather than sitting around in fear and misery.

Edited April 1 by Leo Gura

[khalifa]

@Leo Gura right now where my ego development is at, i just want to live a good simple life, as for truth/spirtual awakening, i already have a belief of god is just infinite energy doing all it's possible variables and it's already all done and no where at the same time, but it's more of a theory i've picked up from listening to you over the years, but it's the cloesest thing that makese sense to me compared to all the religious mumbo jumbo, that being said all religions could technically be right on their on plane of infinities since god does all the larping on all forms from it's formless state, which is probably something way too chaotic to my ego's liking but it is what it is, maybe part of me i'm just scared of suffering a faith of infinity loops where it'll be unfair that i can't escape it?

i see these activation as just a brain error really, like what's with all these panic attacks it's so stupid and i can't make any sense out of the, there is nothing to learn here since i'm already aware of what infinity is and how deep infinity can go is endless, it's pointless for me to keep looking deeper down, i feel like my life right now is just meant to be lived in a cherry picked way

 

and i'd like it to be more simple than just going deep down the rabbit hole of infinity since this body doesn't seem like it's built to go that deep, i'm already satisfied with the current belief/theory which i can't even prove

 

let's say i even go down the spiritual path, i don't think the suffering of these random energy unstable would go away, maybe i'd enjoy them more making some nonsense out of them, but it's probably something i wouldn't like to have any of these, i really want my old life back but with the suffering that was learned from here, i just didn't know how good i had it, until i felt all the pain over the years, in a way it helped since i was so lost in not knowing what to do in life, i know i just want to enjoy it now since it's short, and having suffering within the mix is just unideal

[Hojo]

@khalifa The same thing is happening to me it feels like a bubble bubbling.

Edited April 1 by Hojo

[Loveeee]

56 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You should research how kundalini awakening works and issues associated with it. This is known territory. People do get problems when kundalini is activated but incomplete.

Might be the first time I see you talk about kundalini like that, what can you tell us about it ?

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, Loveeee said:

Might be the first time I see you talk about kundalini like that, what can you tell us about it ?

What I can tell you is, if you have kundalini problems seek out a kundalini expert. I am not one.

[khalifa]

@Leo Gura chronic anxiety, PTSD, globus sensation (overwhelmed throat), panic attacks/flash back symptoms are not kundalini or are they?

[Leo Gura]

43 minutes ago, khalifa said:

@Leo Gura chronic anxiety, PTSD, globus sensation (overwhelmed throat), panic attacks/flash back symptoms are not kundalini or are they?

Could be. Or just symptoms of expanded spiritual consciousness. But it is also probably tied to your early life, trauma, lack of development, mental health issues, or just sloppy use of the mind.

You need to develop your mind, so you are not lost in negative thoughts and bad frames. Something like CBT might help you.

You gotta start trying various methods and see what works. Therapy might be great for you. Or even just consult calls with a spiritual coach.

Find a coach who understands all these issues. This is not new stuff. Spiritual coaches deal with this stuff all week long.

There is a lot of action you could take on this issue. So you don't have to sit there and just be a helpless victim.

Edited April 1 by Leo Gura

[Yimpa]

Let’s also rename kundalini khalifalini!!!!

[integration journey]

33 minutes ago, khalifa said:

@Leo Gura chronic anxiety, PTSD, globus sensation (overwhelmed throat), panic attacks/flash back symptoms are not kundalini or are they?

Hope you get better🙏 take Leo’s advice.

we have some good life coaches on this forum too. 

Edited April 1 by integration journey

[Breathe]

2 hours ago, khalifa said:

chronic anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks/flash back symptoms

It sounds to me like you need to teach your mind that it's ok to be in the body. You seem wound up, relaxation into the discomfort will offer you some release.

If I were you, I'd get serious about finding a quality meditation teacher. I'd start with that since this sounds like a spiritual crisis. From there, i'd ask the teacher if he thinks you should do therapy.

The challenge with working with therapists and meditations teachers simultaneously is they can contradict each other.

[Salvijus]

What would happen if you were to completely surrender when then reactivations come? 

[samijiben]

Could be a wound or trauma

Do you need to be told "I love you?"

I LOVE YOU! Seriously, I do. 

You might be thinking, who the fuck are you, man? You know nothing about me, how could you love me?

 

And if you believe that

 

The source of your problem has been revealed

[khalifa]

@Salvijus rubbish long session with it till it passes