Ego backlash

[Sophophile]

For the last 1 year I have been trying to bring about positive changes and I have been having a lot of backlashes whenever I get to a point where I can see real changes. I have watched Leo's video on Ego backlash and it helped a lot to understand how the homeostasis work and why it is there. 

I would like to learn more deeply about ego backlash and go through it and make the changes stick, because it has been 100s of times I have been pulled down by ego backlash eventhough I tried to stay mindful and accept it. I can really feel an unconscious part trying to get back to the familiar conditioned behaviours and actions by fighting against the conscious intention that I have.

Can you guys share similer experiences. It will be really helpful if you can share high quality books(Psychology, Personal development, spirituality) or other resources related to this to understand more deeply and to make practical change.

Thank you❤️

[Wilhelm44]

5 hours ago, Sophophile said:

For the last 1 year I have been trying to bring about positive changes and I have been having a lot of backlashes whenever I get to a point where I can see real changes. I have watched Leo's video on Ego backlash and it helped a lot to understand how the homeostasis work and why it is there. 

I would like to learn more deeply about ego backlash and go through it and make the changes stick, because it has been 100s of times I have been pulled down by ego backlash eventhough I tried to stay mindful and accept it. I can really feel an unconscious part trying to get back to the familiar conditioned behaviours and actions by fighting against the conscious intention that I have.

Can you guys share similer experiences. It will be really helpful if you can share high quality books(Psychology, Personal development, spirituality) or other resources related to this to understand more deeply and to make practical change.

Thank you❤️

What behaviours are you trying to change and why ?

[Spiritual Warrior]

6 hours ago, Sophophile said:

because it has been 100s of times I have been pulled down by ego backlash

Fail 1000s of times, then we can talk

The best book Ive read about this topic is The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. 

Awareness alone of the ego backlash will get you through the changes, it just takes time. 

Edited Monday at 11:19 AM by Spiritual Warrior

[Sophophile]

@Wilhelm44 A lot of things about my character. At some times by consistently doing consciousness work(meditation, contemplation, observation and mindfulness practices) I can get to an amazing state of mind where I can have profound insights about different things and I am at my best in all aspects of my life (relationship, academics, mental clarity, etc.). At this state just sitting and being conscious of reality and of my own existence feels like absolute bliss, I can connect with the mystical nature and beauty and intelligence of everything around me and there will be lot of creative ideas and insights passing through my mind. And just when things starts to go in this way I try to sabotage myself, eventhough I appreciate and greatful for this development that I had, I just unconsciously force myself to not continue further in that way. Maybe it's the fear of losing the familiar self or fear of that positive change, I don't know. I jus spent time unconsciously using phone and try to diminish mindfulness, it feels agitating and confusing when meditating and I just make things worse in a couple of days and then again I get back in the cycle. 😑

[Wilhelm44]

30 minutes ago, Sophophile said:

@Wilhelm44 A lot of things about my character. At some times by consistently doing consciousness work(meditation, contemplation, observation and mindfulness practices) I can get to an amazing state of mind where I can have profound insights about different things and I am at my best in all aspects of my life (relationship, academics, mental clarity, etc.). At this state just sitting and being conscious of reality and of my own existence feels like absolute bliss, I can connect with the mystical nature and beauty and intelligence of everything around me and there will be lot of creative ideas and insights passing through my mind. And just when things starts to go in this way I try to sabotage myself, eventhough I appreciate and greatful for this development that I had, I just unconsciously force myself to not continue further in that way. Maybe it's the fear of losing the familiar self or fear of that positive change, I don't know. I jus spent time unconsciously using phone and try to diminish mindfulness, it feels agitating and confusing when meditating and I just make things worse in a couple of days and then again I get back in the cycle. 😑

Sounds like you're actually doing quite well, dont be so hard on yourself. We all like being on the phone from time to time. Are you expecting yourself to be in meditation 24/7 ? 

When the so called sabotage happens, what thoughts or feelings come up in that moment ? 

[Sophophile]

At those times I feel lonely and nihilistic. 

I was hard on myself but not now, In the past I used to judge and feel guilty, but now I have been accepting things with compassion and patience. I posted this since this pattern is happening for again and again so that I don't know whether I have to change something or is there a different perspectives that I can take on this and so some work.   Thank you 

[Wilhelm44]

10 minutes ago, Sophophile said:

At those times I feel lonely and nihilistic. 

I was hard on myself but not now, In the past I used to judge and feel guilty, but now I have been accepting things with compassion and patience. I posted this since this pattern is happening for again and again so that I don't know whether I have to change something or is there a different perspectives that I can take on this and so some work.   Thank you 

So if loneliness comes up, might that not just be a sign to take a break from meditation, and to simply find some way to socialize, or just to feel connection by being on the phone for a while. As Leo likes to say, we are still social chimps.

[Sophophile]

Sure. Lately I have been slowing down and being patient and more compassionate with this work and that really helps. ❤️

[Wilhelm44]

1 hour ago, Sophophile said:

Sure. Lately I have been slowing down and being patient and more compassionate with this work and that really helps. ❤️

Great, and that sense of meaninglessness is just a temporary part of the process, as you gradually dissolve old paradigms.

Edited Monday at 06:29 PM by Wilhelm44

[Nivsch]

Ego backlash isn't just a phenomena happens due to homeostasis (which is true too) but there is a reason which is beyond it. Look closely at the thoughts and fears the ego backlash bring with and work WITH THAT too. There is something here you should face more directly.

Edited Monday at 08:04 PM by Nivsch

[Flowerfaeiry]

There’s something to be said about “layers” as well. Maybe you have broken through one layer of development and think that’s it but then later on a new layer of that issue reveals itself. It just means you are getting better and better, learning new ways to work through the problem, not that you are falling back.