Epithany about shame

[Basman]

I had an epiphany relative to shame. Basically, I realized that shame comes first. It is the cause not the result. I don't experience shame because I don't have the things I want to but I'm ashamed of myself and I feel not good enough so I emotionally can't connect with others in the way that I want. It is like a distorting filter which I notice when I talk to people. I can literally feel it in the back of my mind whenever I talk to people. 

Yesterday I spoke to my dad conscious of this filter and decided to forego it and I spoke from the heart. Not in a corny sappy way, I just didn't try to game my speech which felt like speaking from the heart. It felt both relieving and elating, like I for the first time truly spoke.

It's pretty clear what I need to do now.

Edited Thursday at 02:11 PM by Basman