Epithany about shame

[Basman]

I had an epiphany relative to shame. Basically, I realized that shame comes first. It is the cause not the result. I don't experience shame because I don't have the things I want to but I'm ashamed of myself and I feel not good enough so I emotionally can't connect with others in the way that I want. It is like a distorting filter which I notice when I talk to people. I can literally feel it in the back of my mind whenever I talk to people. 

Yesterday I spoke to my dad conscious of this filter and decided to forego it and I spoke from the heart. Not in a corny sappy way, I just didn't try to game my speech which felt like speaking from the heart. It felt both relieving and elating, like I for the first time truly spoke.

It's pretty clear what I need to do now.

Edited Thursday at 02:11 PM by Basman

[Wilhelm44]

Well done, yeah shame can hold us back. But ultimately we never did anything wrong to be ashamed of. We always did the best we could with what was available to us in the moment. And we're always infinitely loved.