Unhelpful Trip?

[112233]

I dosed a mushroom extract. Maybe the equivalent of 5-8 g of dried fruit.

 

 

While I might consider the trip as having been "good", it was not nearly as helpful as I had hoped.

I was hoping for some insight and direction about various things in my life.

This did not happen. At all. Instead, I got an experience that made somewhat sense at the time, but has left me completely confused and somewhat ungrounded. Also annoyed that I did not get any practical help w/ the direction I'd like to take my life.

I'm not sure how to even begin to describe what happened, but I'll try. I do not necessarily hold any different beliefs about reality after the fact, I'm simply going to describe what occurred during the trip:

I became conscious of the intelligent and intentional nature of reality. The reality I've been living seemed to be like a dream, one in which was extremely elaborate and intentionally designed. Everything felt like a big cosmic joke, of which I kept becoming conscious of consistently, like several times per minute. I would notice my current experience, realize the "joke", laugh hysterically, forget, and repeat. This happened constantly.

It felt as though I was somehow directly involved in the making of this creation, hiding from myself, and ultimately everything that occurs is some kind of game. A very, very elaborate game. It felt as though the game was always structured to have problems, in which I get the opportunity to address them in reverence of myself, God.

I became extremely suspect of everything in my conscious experience; my name / identity, the room I was in, the problems I wanted to address, time itself, and other beings. It no longer felt like I was separate from other humans in my life, but I was somehow orchestrating these things.

I did not gain any information about things that occur outside my history and awareness, only the fact that the "dream" would keep generating things. For example, if I met a new person today, it's not like this person and their history ever existed, it's just the case that they'd be "generated" at the time of meeting.

I become floored at how elaborate and consistent this dream really is. In sober life I can always dig deeper (e.g. learning about nature / biology), however I'd always miss the fact that it's not necessarily real and I'd be forever chasing my own tail.

During the trip, these things made somewhat sense, but I don't really feel like I completely "got it" at the time. Furthermore, now that I'm sober, none of these experiences seem real.

I feel kinda lost. I'm also frustrated that this trip did not help inform how to move forward w/ various parts of my life. I was hoping to get some insight about how to live better and how to move in that direction, which has been my experience w/ psychedelics in the past. Instead I "became conscious" of various confusing things in regard to the nature of this reality itself.

Is this normal to happen w/ mushrooms? Also wondering if anyone knows of psychedelics that can help (if at all) w/ more "practical" concerns, since this is my main focus in life right now.

[Ero]

Very normal, especially considering the dose. Not all your trips will be “productive” or “useful”. Some will be twisted, convoluted and hard to translate. 2 out of my first 3 mushroom trips were like that. The third one was 5g and I barely remember stuff from it because if how “otherworldly” it was. Just take some time to ground yourself and go at it again.