Making Sense of the Loss of a Loved One

[AJBrew]

I’d like to open up a space for discussion on how we make sense of losing someone we love. For those who have experienced loss, how did you begin to process it? Were there particular practices, perspectives, or insights that helped you find some understanding? Or did you face moments of uncertainty and confusion that you had to navigate through, or perhaps still struggle with?

In my own experience, I lost my father to head and neck cancer after he had fought it for over twenty years, despite never having smoked. Even now, I find it hard to fully make sense of his passing. The closest thing I can relate to in finding meaning is the occasional dream or sense of his presence.

[Someone here]

First of all sorry for your loss . I hope your father is in a better place right now .

Now I can't relate that much unfortunately because I haven't lost a loved one in my life yet..I mean I did but its just different people sometimes have different paths in life ..so it wasn't because of death .

All I can say is that death isn't completely a bad event . For life to exist death must exist ..if you look at the ecosystem and how animals live in the jungle you will see its because the lion eats the rabbit that there can be balance In nature .

Old people are usually detached from life .they don't give a fuck anymore .there is an old man who lives near my house..I talked to him ..he told me I literally could die anytime peacefully I've grown sick of life . You'd think that life is always good but no ..wait until you start growing old and everything in your life even a sip of water becomes a burden even your breath becomes a burden then you might say thank goodness death exists.

Stay strong!.

[AJBrew]

@Someone here Thank you for your kind words and offering your perspectives. I see that life and death are interconnected and I notice especially for humans because of how conscious and self aware we are that it makes it all that much more intense. I’m curious to hear about your philosophical, epistemological, and spiritual views on death. Do you believe in reincarnation in some form, or do you think that our unique expression of the universe continues in some way, or is it simply an illusion that fades with death?

Edited Tuesday at 10:11 PM by AJBrew

[Someone here]

@AJBrew 

you can read NDEs testimony from people who clinically died but doctors were able to bring them back to life in a split second.  They all have "seen" the same thing ..a long tunnel with white light at the end and a feeling of serenity and love . What happens after that is utterly unknown.  Anything could happen from there ..you could reincarnate into a dolphin or you could become a singularity of pure nothingness forever and ever ..I mean who really knows right ? Luckily we all gonna die in the end and find out sooner or later . So I say no need to rush the answer .let's just appreciate the miracle of life for now .

[Lila9]

I’m sorry for your loss. 

Like you, I’ve tried to make sense of it, and I’m still trying.

My best advice is to allow yourself to grieve.

However long it takes, this is the only way to heal and make space in your mind for other aspects of life to enter.

My interest in death has deepened, and I’ve become more curious about life after death. I came across the work of Raymond Moody and others, who studies near-death experiences.

Edited Wednesday at 03:11 AM by Lila9

[Yimpa]

 

[Lyubov]

 

[AJBrew]

@Someone here It's interesting you mention the close to death cases. I looked into that a little bit and read some testimonies online with people mentioning that and mentioning darkness but its warm and serene. You make a good point that nobody "truly" knows and to find some way to be peaceful with the mystery.

[AJBrew]

@Lila9 Thank you for your condolences and I am sorry for your loss as well. I relate with your interest in searching to learn more about life death and will definitely look into Raymond Moody's work.

[samijiben]

I believe I can provide some insight here...

Lately I was contemplating the fear of my mother's death

She hasn't died yet, but I recognized how strong my fear was of her dying. Ever since I was young, I've been a "mommy's boy." God, do I love that woman.

 

I would tell myself that, surely, is she were to go, all life would go to shit. It wouldn't be worth living anymore, I would probably take my own life, or otherwise indefinitely drown in misery and pain  — etc.

 

Recently there was a stroke related scare involving an ambulance, red, flashing sirens, the hospital, etc.

 

So, I realized, I must sit down and contemplate this fear. It need not exist. 

 

Now, I feel like I have resolved (mostly) the fear of my mother's death, and I will Share how. 

 

In short, I realized that this "woman" is not really "my mother," and it is so incredibly selfish of me to view her that way. Also, I noticed that the pain associated with the death of a loved one is also purely selfish/ego-based, since the "person themself" (i.e. your loved one) IS NO LONGER IN PAIN.

 

Bottom line. They are free. They have exited this dream of whateverthefuckhaveyou, and so, BE HAPPY! 

 

I am sorry if this comes across as harsh. I do not mean it to be that way. Just sharing my insight. 

 

Again, I think it's quite selfish to feel the pain of a loved one's death in the sense that "Oh, Oh, I miss them so much, if only they would come back, just for one more hug, conversation, etc."

All the Love to You, and may the memories of your father be Good and remind you of Good, Happy Days!

[samijiben]

In one of the books on Leos booklist

The author was talking abt his last moments w his mother over her deathbed

He said he felt no pain but only relief when she passed

He described it like this: "my love for her did not go away, but it was no longer attached to her body, her meatbag"

 

I'm paraphrasing, but that struck a chord in me as I read it

 

In some way, it's a beautiful thing. I have "suffered" the loss of both my grandmothers, both of whom I was rlly close with. I would say that, especially during those last years/moments, I was closer to them than my parents & siblings & aunts and uncles. 

 

That probably has to do with me being into this consciousness work & old people approaching death being filled with light & more conscious than most (but that's a different story)

In both cases, I wasn't sad or hurt, quite the opposite. 

 

I felt that sense of relief. 

 

Thank GOD that they have exited this life of suffering. They had terminal illnesses, similar to ur father's situation who had cancer. 

 

Perhaps think of it this way: would u want ur father to still be around (if only for "you") considering his ailments??

 

No! So maybe that will adjust your perspective to one of Love, Gratitude, and a relief of some sorts. Idk

[AION]

To love is to hold on..
But equally... to love is to let go..

At the end all the grief will go and you will be left with the fond memories and gratitude.
Something you can ask God help for.

Edited Wednesday at 06:34 AM by AION

[Atb210201]

You never lose anyone.

They're here.

Always.

Forever.

[Ishanga]

So I've lost a big brother, Mother/Father, and close Nephew (this one to suicide).  All fear felt in this context comes from a sense of lack, I will lack something when they are gone, but if You had an Experience of Completeness and someone You loved died, then what comes from that for You? 

A sense of being Blessed, that You had them in Your life, sharing time and making memories and Love, Friendship, Experiences together..

So one has to choose, to come from a place of lack or completeness, this makes all the difference, when their gone do You feel incomplete, fear, loneliness, depression, anger, a "hole in your heart" or blessed, love, completeness and a smile that You had them in your life???

Edited Thursday at 04:05 PM by Ishanga

[AJBrew]

@samijiben You make some very good points here. Yes I notice a lot of the yearning is inherently selfish and equally the letting go is just as painful. I am very sorry for your losses.

 

@Ishanga I'm very sorry for your losses and what you went through. You make a very good point and I will try to implement this into my daily activities when certain thoughts arise.