Family and Values Conflict

[Santiago Ram]

What do you do when you're at a different developmental stage than your family?

For example, being at Stage Green vs my mom at Stage Blue-Orange and my dad solid Orange.

How do you get along?

Edited Sunday at 11:45 PM by Santiago Ram

[Santiago Ram]

I will use Spiral Dynamics when mediating to ensure higher values are being pursued. But, how do you negotiate between two people with completely different ways of conceiving themselves and the world?

Such as:

An idealist and a materialist

A liberal and a conservative

A servicial person and a wealth seeker

A Fundamentalist and a Spiritual seeker

 

Edited Sunday at 11:40 PM by Santiago Ram

[Santiago Ram]

@Leo Gura Any idea how to negotiate and solve conflicts when values are at stake?

[Santiago Ram]

Or well, does spiral Dynamics have conflict resolution insights?

[Santiago Ram]

According to child psychiatrist and addiction specialist Claudia Tejeda Romero from the Youth Integration Centers (CIJ), treatments have up to a 75% success rate when patients have the support of their families; this percentage decreases significantly if patients face the process in isolation.

Edited Monday at 12:00 AM by Santiago Ram

[Terell Kirby]

1 hour ago, Santiago Ram said:

What do you do when you're at a different developmental stage than your family?

Accept them for where they’re at.

1 hour ago, Santiago Ram said:

How do you get along?

Set boundaries. This of course is harder if you’re dependent on them financially 

Edited Monday at 12:56 AM by Terell Kirby

[Breakingthewall]

The problem isn't having different values; it's dealing with dishonest people. A high percentage of people are fundamentally dishonest, deceitful, and manipulative, and their main concern in life is their self-image. It's normal for there to be people like this in your family, and it's very difficult to deal with them. You have to understand their dynamics and see them as victims of themselves.

[gettoefl]

Families are inherently problematic since they are hierarchy and one carries less clout than another.

You can only influence someone by being equal in status.

Usually this means get away and make a name for yourself and then come home.

People respect money and success and reputation and career.

As we know, a prophet won't be accepted by his own household.

[Breakingthewall]

3 hours ago, gettoefl said:

People respect money and success and reputation and career.

People respect those who respect themselves. In the end they surrender to the evidence, even if you don't have a career or reputation 

[shree]

19 hours ago, Santiago Ram said:

Treatments have up to a 75% success rate when patients have the support of their families; this percentage decreases significantly if patients face the process in isolation.

Because families are mostly source of trauma. For example, medicating kids and returning them to their dysfunctional families doesn't solve anything if the family doesn't change it's dynamics.

It makes the problem worse by simply treating the symptoms of a bigger dysfunction.

 

Now answer on your original post:

From my perspective, you either emotionally detach and become non-reactive, or you distance/cut them off.

I don’t think it’s possible to build an authentic relationship with people who don’t actively question themselves or engage in deep self-reflection, which naturally comes with higher levels of development on Spiral Dynamics.

[VeganAwake]

@Santiago Ram There's no real scale though......your not higher or lower because a model suggests so!

Carry your weight, earn money responsibly, learn a healthy way of communicating with your parents. Win, win, win sinario's.....best for yourself, best for others, best for humanity......these are yellow traits in SD!

It's not about being better or higher consciousness..... It really just makes the most sense after all!!!!

❤️ 

[gettoefl]

3 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

People respect those who respect themselves. In the end they surrender to the evidence, even if you don't have a career or reputation 

You can be the most articulate most bright most conscious person but if your parent tells you to get lost, you have to pack your bags.

Money talks, logic walks.

If someone pays your bills, you have no influence in their life.

[LastThursday]

If you are indeed at a higher stage of development, then you should be more understanding and more empathetic to those lower stages you've already been through. So, less "I'm superior, you're annoying" and more "I used to be you and you don't know what you don't know". 

[Schizophonia]

I leave my delirium and start interacting with them like normal humans.