Giving up on pick up.

[CARDOZZO]

Goddard is proud.

[LordFall]

@Majed Of course it's normal. Do something about it, I gave you the best suggestions and you ignored it. If you choose to be a victim of your own mental blocks that's on you more to do than any woman. 

[Norbert Somogyi]

I lost my virginity at your age and it wasn't really satisfying (not in a romantic relationship). Sex itself was not really satisfying unless it happened in a relationship for me. I was glad it happened but it didn't turn out to be as special as I initially imagined it to be.

When it comes to your thousands of approaches, I can tell you have perseverance. It is a great quality and not to be dismissed! I also tried to use pickup to solve my loneliness and confidence around women but it didn't really bore the fruits I was expecting. I have given up on it for a while now.

Maybe there are underlying issues for you too that pickup is not suited for. Self-esteem issues, depression, anxiety etc. As long as you are not comfortable in your skin it is going to be a losing battle. For some pickup helps with this, while for others it is too painful and they just end up running in circles (like I did for 1-1,5 years).

In my case I did years of inner work, but the biggest trigger was recently optimizing my vitamin D levels. It kicked away my depression and anxiety by 95%, and now I feel amazing and rather comfortable in my skin. I choose not to seek relationships because the desire is currently not there. The interesting thing is that women appreciate my presence more and more lately. Giving me the looks on the streets or bus, wanting to get close to me in social situations etc. The vibe thing really works, blackpill is a dead end.

Maybe you can do something about these underlying issues instead of trying to dismantle a huge wall with nothing, but a screwdriver. Good luck!

[Michael569]

On 3/22/2025 at 7:56 AM, Princess Arabia said:

Maybe try and see women not just as sex objects and someone to fix your sex life. 

👆🏻

[Princess Arabia]

16 hours ago, integral said:

0% bad boy + 0% good guy = Ghost

Lol. This made me chuckle. Assessments were perfect, though.

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I see you've been watching what I used to watch. 

Yes, lol, that said, I've never actually voluntarily tried to manifest anything.
I've clearly manifested things before, but it was without meaning to.

[Schizophonia]

On 22/03/2025 at 1:09 AM, Majed said:

21 years old virgin

I am also in the same situation + age but it is because of insomnia ans social isolation.

In my world, cold calling works very little, but it's much easier in a club or at university/work.

 

On 22/03/2025 at 6:12 PM, Emerald said:

 

It's sort of like me in elementary school when I had no friends. I got SUPER desperate about it... and that desperation repelled people even more.

lol what, In elementary school ?

Edited Sunday at 08:08 PM by Schizophonia

[Yimpa]

I gave up on pickup when I realized that something much Greater was picking me up.

 

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

lol what, In elementary school ?

Yes, elementary school was when I felt the most like a social pariah because I didn't have enough social tools to navigate social situations. 

Part of that was just a projection of my own shame.

But I was also teased a lot because I was very sensitive and not socially calibrated at all (partly because I was too aware of social consequences for my age, so I couldn't let myself be). And I was one of the least popular kids in my class.

So, I always felt really desperate for friends.... which repelled them or gave them a leverage point over me. Like some kids would use that to boss me around because I had no sense of self-respect or boundaries because of my desperation for friendship. And I just felt like everyone was superior to me.

The worst case was when I was in the 2nd grade, and I was at recess and sitting on the balance beam and sulking by myself about how I didn't have any friends.

And this really manipulative girl named Tiffany came up and "befriended me". And that friendship lasted for a period of time (maybe a month or two). And she used to emotionally blackmail me and say "Do _____ or I won't be your friend anymore!"

She wasn't the only female "friend" to do that to me. But her stipulations were the worst.

And I think she may have been sexually abused at home, because it was usually something sexually inappropriate or sadistic that she was forcing me to do. She definitely had some serious issues.

Around 8 years later, my best friend Shanna ended up going to juvi hall for bringing alcohol to school... and she met Tiffany in juvi. 

And I had already told her the Tiffany story years earlier, so she remembered her name. She said she was still a real psycho. 

One time she had me kick a male classmate in the balls under threat of "I won't be your friend anymore".  One time she lifted up my dress in front of some other students. One time she tried to make me knock a book out of a kindergarteners hand (which I couldn't even make myself do).

And there were a few other things.

So, it was always about having me do or endure something over my boundaries... because she could sense that I was desperate for her friendship. And she could use "Do this or I won't be your friend anymore" as a means of having control over me.

So, that's what elementary school felt like. It wasn't until I was in 8th grade that I figured out how to socialize as not to repel people. And then, high school was smooth sailing socially.

I haven't really struggled socially since I was about 13. But before then it was an ABSOLUTE nightmare.

I was also a romantically precocious child and had crushes since I was 3 years old. And my feelings were never reciprocated by the boys I liked.

In reality it was because most kids are not even thinking like that yet. But childhood me, interpreted it as meaning that there's something fundamentally wrong with me and that I'm the ugliest person on the planet.

And I used to fantasize about getting married as a very young child (between age 3 and age 6). 

But when I was in kindergarten (at age 5 or 6), after half of my life pining for romance and marriage, I remember crying in my bedroom that no one was ever going to want to marry me because I was ugly.

And if some ugly old bald man wanted to marry me now (at age 5) that that would be my only opportunity for marriage and I'd have to take it then or leave it forever.

And I had this assumption that all my classmates were already dating and that I was WAY behind them. Clearly this wasn't happening. But I almost needed to believe it was in order for my reality to feel like it matched my feelings.

I also had another non-romantic version of this shame and feeling of inferiority where I imagined that, if I owned a Walmart, no one would come and shop at my Walmart just because I was the one that owned it.

So, my childhood shame was REALLY out of control and it made me feel like a social pariah... and even project that onto situations where that wasn't actually happening at all.

[Leo Gura]

If you work in a coffee shop you should be using that to socialize and befriend every customer who comes in.

That alone should be enough to get you dates.

Running a coffee shop is like the ultimate date lead generation machine.

You can organize a special evening event at your coffee shop that you invite all the hottest girls to for free. Every time you see a hot girl in your shop, you give her a flyer for your special evening event. Your special evening event can have a hired musician or guest speaker and networking opportunities for all the girls.

This is better than pickup.

Of course this assumes you have some social skills and aren't a total creep.

Edited yesterday at 02:14 AM by Leo Gura

[Maximilian]

@Majed

Gonna start with some tough love:

If you feel, creepy and unnatural when approaching girls, that's exactly how she's gonna feel too. You need to get out of your head and just talk to more people on a regular basis.

Once talking to strangers becomes normal and your social skills improve, approaching with romantic intent will feel less "creepy." 

This post shows that your inner game needs a lot of work. I would look into doing some subconscious reprogramming work and fixing some of these limiting beliefs which are holding you back. It seems like you have quite a lot of them.

Also, a question for you, how are the other areas of your life doing? Career, social life, family, etc.? Everything going well elsewhere, mate?

[Mada_]

Leo’s advice on this thread is gold Id take it if I were you. 
 

I was a 21 year old virgin, had sex for the first time after fumbling multiple pulls to my own and other girls apartments. I went out every single day for months at a time, faced severe sleep deprivation, approached girls on weeknights at 8pm and at times was mistaken for a homeless begger. I have a thread on losing my virginity from a few years ago. 

I lived with my main wing who was a hard cases and worked almost as hard as me at dating with no success, years on and they’re still a virgin. 
Fundamentally they needed to ground themselves and be more honest. Honest that they were sloppy with their fashion, had psychotic views of women and fundamentally didn’t respect them, was closed minded to things like therapy and inner work, were addicted to their phone, didn’t go out that much and couldn’t hold a normal conversation with a girl without trying to game or manipulate her in some way. After tireless attempts to coach and at times strong arm my friend into pulling himself together I realised he needed time and a series of hard reality checks to get his act together. 

[Schizophonia]

@Emerald 

Mea culpa, I was surprised because the equivalent of "primary school" in France actually ends earlier, like 11 years old maximum.

I'm sorry all this happened to you, it makes me want to cuddle you ahah

Where do you think this shame and these dynamics in general came from? A reproduction of the Oedipal schema/relationships with parents?

Edited yesterday at 01:59 PM by Schizophonia

[Majed]

@Leo Gura It's a very small coffee shop, and there aren't lots of hot girls that comes in. 

[Leo Gura]

26 minutes ago, Majed said:

@Leo Gura It's a very small coffee shop, and there aren't lots of hot girls that comes in. 

All it takes is one.

[Majed]

@Leo Gura It ain't a reliable strategy from my experience at the coffee shop, you can't just hit on customers the way you do with pick up, your game has to be much less direct and straightforward. Plus at work you aren't anonymous, which makes it not a reliable strategy, i wouldn't bet on it to get laid. Plus i want to explore sexuality with many different people not just one. And i also enjoy pick up a lot, i love approaching, flirting, being intentional... I got so much experience and value from pick up, in the sense that it changed my worldview a lot in radically new ways, and i saw possibilities i couldn't have imagined in the past, like one time i hit on a famous girl on instagram (now she has like 1,7 million followers, but at the time she had 600 000 followers), i didn't know that though, and i flirted with her and was a bit cocky and all that, she didn't give me her number, she gave her instagram, i didn't have internet when i was with her so i couldn't check her account before i was at home. Btw why do you think she gave me her instagram if she had so much followers and obviously wouldn't respond to my messages ? 

anywho also other possibilities like multiple times i made out with 10 girls in one night at the club... I attracted and reached hook point with so many girls, it's crazy, how much value i got out of pick up and so much joy and exploration.

Edited yesterday at 02:46 PM by Majed

[integral]

@Majed Have you had sex yet or not with any of these women? I thought the point of this conversation was you couldn’t get laid? So you hit on 1000s of women made out with a bunch of them 10 in a single night yet you didn’t get laid yet?

you should already know why you’re not getting laid….

Every time I go on a date with a woman, it escalates to a relationship and sex, it’s nearly a 100% batting average. I only failed once out of 20.

If you’re making out with 10 women in a single night and you didn’t sleep with any of them, you have a profound problem with connecting with people.

It’s only possible if you put absolutely no effort in understanding the psychology of the person you’re interacting with.

Edited yesterday at 03:43 PM by integral

[Rishabh R]

@Majed It's easy to give advice and tough to implement. I would say that buy and read  read Models by Mark Manson.

I am sorry that you are facing this. By the way I am 24 year old single who has never been in a relationship and I am starting to become ok with it.

[integral]

22 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Lol. This made me chuckle. Assessments were perfect, though.

Lmaooo I think it makes perfect sense that women are into the paranormal when they’ve never seen half of the men living on earth 👻. 

Edited yesterday at 05:19 PM by integral

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

@Emerald 

Mea culpa, I was surprised because the equivalent of "primary school" in France actually ends earlier, like 11 years old maximum.

I'm sorry all this happened to you, it makes me want to cuddle you ahah

Where do you think this shame and these dynamics in general came from? A reproduction of the Oedipal schema/relationships with parents?

Primary school ends at age 11 here too. It's from ages 5 to 11. (2nd grade is when you're 7/8 if that helps gives some context to the whole Tiffany story).

I wouldn't put the Oedipal dynamic onto this dynamic.

It's more like a God complex.

And this God complex pattern caused me to feel really self-conscious because I felt like I was the center of the universe... as the main traumas I experienced were at age 3 when a child feels that they're the literal center of the universe.

So, part of me stayed at age 3 and remained feeling the responsibility of being the center of the universe... and I was 100% stuck there until a few years ago. Now it's just 75% stuck at age 3.

And there were quite a few situations at age 3 that were difficult to process that were likely the origin point of that.

And I felt as a child, like I was the the center of the universe and that everyone was paying so much attention to me... and that even tiny mistakes that I would make would be hyper-focused on.

But that sense of being hyper focused on wasn't the case a lot of the time... though my strong sensitive reactions would sometimes put me on people's radar and made me into a laughing stock, which reinforced the sense that I was this alien clownish center of the universe.

Like one time (when I was 6 or 7) I was embarrassed because an older kid at my summer camp pointed out that I had snot in my nose... and I was so mortified that I ran into the middle of the room and screamed at the top of my lungs as I yanked out two big chunks of my hair.

In my head, everyone in the room was super focused on the snot in my nose. And everyone now hated me because of it. So, I was overwhelmingly mortified, and I felt like I had just committed social suicide. So, that's why I had that strong reaction... as the stakes felt so high.

But in reality, everyone was just really clueless as to why this random 7 year old just screamed at the top of her lungs and yanked out a bunch of her hair.

I wasn't very socially graceful to say the least. There were definitely reasons why I was unpopular.

And it really took me until age 13 to really figure out how to come across as socially normal. 

Similar to how autistic people learn to mask.... I had to do the same thing.

I also had the belief that I was different than everyone else on the planet. It was feeling like a vulnerable alien... while everyone else is normal and invulnerable, and somehow possessing of more authority simply to take up space.

But in my last three medicine journeys (I have done 1 per year for the past 5 years), it showed me what caused this dynamic.

From early on (around age 3), I started to intuitively sense my parents' weaknesses. Though I couldn't articulate that to myself at the time. But there was the sense that I couldn't rely on them for support.

And this caused me to feel like I had to be responsible for their well-being. And this gave me the sense of god-like responsibility and that have this supreme power to cause harm to them emotionally... and I saw them as Gods at that time.

So, it was like having to the mother to Gods.

And it gave me this sense of needing to be perfect (which meant being identical to my mom)... and that I need to do all the scary stuff alone.

So, I started to feel like I needed to be my parents' parents... which later got extrapolated out to the whole world and feeling like I'm at the center of everything and responsible for everyone's feelings... and feelings about me.

And this caused me to be hyper-attuned to others' feelings and thoughts. But I would also project worst case social scenarios because I felt so alone and disconnected as a child, and dealing with some pretty heavy overly intense feelings of terror and panic.