I Hate When People Offer To Buy Me Food

[Cameron24529]

I didn't know where to put this, sorry. But my friend and her mother keep offering to buy me food like twice a week and it drives me crazy. I'm a 20 year old college student so I'm always starving and refuse to buy any food besides cheap crap like ramen or hot dogs. So it's nice to have someone buy me something nicer every once in a while but for some reason it drives me insane. I always say no no no don't buy me food I really don't feel comfortable with you spending money on me like this. But they always will not take no for an answer and will harass me until I come with them or tell them what I want to eat. It's not even just food either they are always offering to buy me random things. I went grocery shopping with them once since my friend needed a ride there and they wouldn't even let me pay for my own damn groceries, they paid for $50 worth of my groceries. I needed a new car battery once and the father offered to buy a $100+ car battery for me since I drive his daughter around! It's not like I'm poor or anything I literally have $5600 worth of savings right now (although it's college money I refuse to spend). I had 5 friends over my house once and my friends mother offered to buy and pick up subway for all of us. No one else seemed to have a problem with this??

 

Are these people insane and should I feel uncomfortable? If not, why do I feel so uncomfortable?

i know this hardly seems like a genuine problem but it keeps putting me in a horrible mood every time they do this and I'm hoping someone could offer some advice. 

[Revolutionary Think]

@Dead_Mouse Good one.

@Cameron24529 If someone offers me something I either say yes or no. What do they do when you say no thank you? 

 

[wavydude]

You must bring value to them somehow so they feel obliged to pay you back and they do it in this way, or they just are nice people who want to help, but based on what you say I would bet for the first option.

Nevertheless, there is no point to scratch your head about this just accept the free food dude like what the fuck.

[Scholar]

Getting free food... I wish I had these kind of problems.

[YaNanNallari]

Maybe it is their way to show that they care and love you. But you see buying food etc just as a thing that needs to be done and nothing special. As a thing that has nothing to do with caring. For them it might be kind of like doing the dishes for a partner, way to show caring etc.. Maybe they don't know how else to do show affection and this is the way they're used to showing it.

I understand it's weird because money is involved, but if it's not damaging their lives no need to be upset about it. Just because you accept a favor doesn't mean you're reliant on them and not independant. Hope this gives you some food for thought!

[Arkandeus]

hm you say it yourself that you're always starving so I don't really see a reason to deny free food like that. 
It is your mother and your friend after all, that is pretty much family, it's normal that they want to help you. 

being strong is being able to be vulnerable and accept the help from others. 
you have in your life sources of abundance but you seem to refuse them for what I suspect to be ego reasons, I could be wrong. 

maybe you have a legit reason, but know this, to be vulnerable is to be strong as well. 

denying  help that you could use is not a strength, it is a very common trap for false trap with has to do with ego. 
standing on your own and being independent is a very nice quality, but if you have to deny valuable sources of help to
feel independent you are not truly independent.
to be really independent is to still be able to accept being helped without that chaining you down,if someone helps you, they have their own reasons
for that, and you accepting that doesn't mean that you owe them special treatment. 
as long as you're true to yourself, you don't owe anyone anything. 

 

[egoeimai]

Its a fear behind this. That they maybe see you as a person in need,and YOU dont want ppl to feel sorry for you. Its your pride. Get over it and take the food. ??????????????????????????????????????☕☕☕??????

[Arkandeus]

I'd also like to add that I have the same problem in another form. 

being able to accept love can be hard actually. 
one has to be able to love others but also to accept being loved, the latter sounds easier but it can be tricky. 

I have this with strangers making eye contact with me in public places. 
When I was depressed and felt like shit, people barely made eye contact with me on the streets, they barely looked at me. 

Now that I have a certain spiritual vibration more people look at me. 
And sometimes this triggers intense negative feelings of anger and hostility. 
They don't take over my consciousness but I'm aware that I have problems to accept love from others because I felt abandoned in the past. 
it's like :
''hey, you didn't use to look my way in the past, but now that I feel all good you want to mingle with my vibes? you parasitic cocksuckers''
of course that bit at the end is a joke, I don't insult people in my mind, but that's the gist of the feeling. 

 people also have their own problems to deal with, I accept that they couldn't heal me in the past or treat me with love as they had no way to deal with my negativity as they were too busy with theirs.  everyone tries their best with what they have

 

[Christian]

The problem is your position in the status dynamic that arises when your friend and his mom offers to buy you food. It is as though they are above you in a sense when you agree to have them buy you food. It also maybe creates a sort of attachment to them where maybe you now believe that because they offered to pay for your food, now you believe you have to return the favor in some other way. Furthermore,  you probably feel inferior to them and you strongly value independence so when they offer to pay, you feel guilt and shame because you believe you are supposed to take care of yourself. It probably goes to the core of your masculine identity. I think that this issue suggests you value independence and are living out of integrity with it to some extend.

If you don't want them to buy food, simply say no and explain why they should not buy you food. Let them know that it makes you feel uncomfortable and tell them that you want to be independent.

 

[Revolutionary Think]

@Hungry_Duck you don't seem that hungry when you're offering so much food  

[alyra]

@Cameron24529

 

yo I totally get what you mean. I'm trying to grow my independance, and my parents are always always always trying to "help" but it is insulting. their help is indian giver. they say they will help but then forget, or are busy, and they always help by pressuring me to do something that is low-priority for me compared to things I'm trying to do. 

 

or with food. I go out for BK because I need a quick calories for the next 24 hours so that I can hide in my room, knowing I'm going to be exhausted and overwhelmed because my mood is crashing. but my parents the way they behave I can tell they are judging me, thinking how much not making my own food is costly comparatively. and my mom thinks it is insulting that I am not eating her food,trying to make my own food. And Yet at the same time they worry that if they give me too much money they'll encourage dependancy???? it is like. holy shit, stop pushing money down my throat if you worry about that! no, if I need clothes they are like oh let me take you on a shopping spree! If my bank account gets to low and I accidently let slip, they're lke here take some cash! take it! if I tell them that I'm worried about how long it's taking me to get employed they go "nah don't worry we can cover you take your time" and yet they ask me to spend less when I spend too much on their credit card. they give me this disappointed look when I return home from food. etc. 

 

and it's annoying because I don't want their help and yet when I try to tell them (yes even direct) they start to freak out about how they love me and so of course they'll help me and if I don't let them "in" it's depressing! jeese! 

 

 

BUT this is the old me. I knew that it was no good to do. it took a long time to slowly wean myself off that blame and anger. But it is possible, I know it 'cause I did it. Be patient with yourself and your frustration, with time you will find new ways to handle your conflicting thoughts, so that they do not lead to anger and stress. it is difficult but worth it. 

[alyra]

also hey for cheap food if you got a rice cooker, get rice, lentils, check the bag to make sure it takes as long or faster than the rice. get tuna in cans, and frozen peas. the meat is most expensive. you can replace it with hard boiled eggs if you aren't into the tuna. or beans also. or hey, peanut butter works. some kind of protein, you need protein to be healthy. oh, get raisins if you want it to get sweet, don't need a lot. 

 

ok i confused that  - basically. get rice and lentils, they both cook nicely in rice cooker, then get some kind of extra protein on top, and some kinda frozen veggie.

 

rice lasts a long time, so it's real cost efficient. look for the frozen veggies that are bulk for best price too, they'll last you long as well.  not much food value except calories. This is the food I eat all time. I got spices, and varies canned options like diced tomato, canned soup, etc. find a good soup and add it to rice and you got food for a day, or well maybe half a day if you have high motabolism. I get frozen fish too for some times, and I get 1 of different canned meats to switch it up so it's interesting. salmon, chicken, tuna, vienna sausage, if I'm lucky they got beef for cheap in a can. I should pay attention to what supermarket had that lol. tho, it isn't as cheap as tuna.  

 

get multivitamins too. a multivitamin I mean, not several bottles one bottle at a time. If you are living on low cost, make sure to get multivitimin so you don't get sick off of deficiency.